Wow, guys. Honestly I wasn't expecting anyone to read all that, much less to reply. Thanks. Just knowing that someone is making note of what I say is encouraging.
DeKaFu: For all that I have my bad days, I have to admit that for the most part I am reasonably satisfied with my life. There are so many things that I do now just as part of my routine which, only a few years ago, I would have imagined impossible. I can be proud of all the progress I've made, even if I do have times when I'm depressed.
I think it's really easy to assume you are incapable of something just because you've never been forced to try, holding on to your safety net. Once you dive in and it's do-or-die, you discover that you have always had far greater potential than you ever imagined. It's such a shame that children these days are all raised in the most protective, sheltered possible circumstances. I never had to face any real challenges growing up, and I was one of the first generation to experience that. My parents, who grew up in the 70s (I've got a young family), were told to get out of the house in the morning and be back by dinner, with no cell phones, no plan, just go off into the world and survive until sunset. In my generation we're all terrified of being on our own because there has always been someone there to help us, someone telling us how dangerous everything is and how careful we always have to be. This goes even for neurotypical people. For all that I have a hard time sometimes (and I offer no illusions that life is easy, or even that it should be), moving out and facing the world on my own is the best decision I ever made.
Kirbypowered: Thanks for the link. I've never heard of Proteus but it looks worth trying. I've definitely spent more than 7 euros on temporary happiness many times before and I think I can justify purchasing this one and trying it out, as long as I keep track of how much time I spend on it. It will be interesting to see how it affects me.
Also, hooray for tracking yourself hourly! Start tomorrow. : ) I plan to spend part of tomorrow finally sorting through all my data so far and producing some graphs and charts. I meant to do it today, actually, but an annoying friend was kind enough to drag me out to lunch then sit on my sofa all afternoon and evening eating my snacks and demanding that I let him use my internet for work stuff since his is out for another week.
I'm not complaining. In fact, although I spent several hours wishing he'd just shove off and go home, I place a high value on reliable (and well-intentioned) annoying friends. Rather than explain my reasons, I'll let David Wong do it:
http://www.cracked.com/article_15231_7-reasons-21st-century-making-you-miserable.html So thanks to this guy, my depression and self-pity are gone and I'm feeling okay now, even though I didn't get done the stuff I meant to get done. Also, although he doesn't know about my experiments, he gave me the idea for my next one: the non-disclosure game. To try to directly combat my tendency to blab on and on about all the details of my life to people who don't want to hear them (rather than a general feeling of "I talk too much"), I'm going to play a game with myself where I divulge as little information as possible
while still maintaining friendly conversation. My primary target will be that girl I work with, and I plan to start on Monday, at work. I will think up some more details by then and make it all formal.
I'm still tracking myself each hour, of course.
Oh, and today I finished getting the apartment back to its new default "tidy" state, including vacuuming and even washing the shower. I WILL keep up these habits!!!
Thanks for being an awesome bunch of forumgoers, guys.
EDIT:
Oh, wow. I allowed myself to play Proteus for an hour and it was just enough time to get to the "ending" though of course I haven't seen it all. That was so beautiful. I will most certainly be playing this again, and again. I will leave it on in the background whenever I'm drawing or reading. The music in it moved me nearly as much as the story in To The Moon. It actually made me cry a little.
I just wrote up a quick little review on my Tumblr to encourage others to try it out. Thanks, Kirbypowered. I might never have found this without your recommendation.
http://thingsairafound.tumblr.com/post/53049474402/its-not-often-i-recommend-a-game-to-be-played