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[Sappho]

Taking my inspiration from the great Jonathan Coulton, I have decided to start up a new story fortress: Skullcrusher Mountain.  I'm just getting started right now, but I wrote up a sort of introduction.  In all those movies, you see this beautiful, polished evil volcano lair where the hero is ensnared in some overly complex trap while the bad guy waits somewhere else.  I figure it'll be fun to explore the tedium of actually constructing the evil volcano lair.  It didn't start out that pretty, damn it!  Those minions worked hard, carving that lair from the bare rock and polishing the walls with their spit, and no one ever appreciates it!

With that, I give you the first chapter of Skullcrusher Mountain.

Chapter 1 - Initial Map - Year-End Map

Chapter 2 - Year End Map

Chapter 3

[Aqizzar]

Can't wait to see what kind of devious, completely unnecessary deathtraps you come up with.  Though I must say, that without water, you'll be pretty hobbled on killing machines.  Not to mention no natural obsidian tower.

Still sounds fun.  Good luck with your evilness and towerbuilding.  Will there be sieges?

EDIT: Didn't know the language files don't contain 'horrible'.

[Sappho]

I'm working on the first real chapter still, but it occurred to me to post this just in case anyone managed to miss the greatness that is JoCo: http://www.jonathancoulton.com/mp3/Skullcrusher%20Mountain.mp3

Anyone have any ideas for integrating a half-pony/half-monkey monster?  ...without regenerating the world? :/

[Sappho]

I have updated the document with the first year of Skullcrusher Mountain development.  Click the link in the first post to read the whole thing.

I'm also opening up the story to audience participation, if anyone is interested.  Who wants to be a henchman?  Or henchwoman?  And who has an idea for a gender-neutral term for that position?  I'm thinking of "hencher" at the moment.  I'd like to get "hench" in there somehow, since that's what they do.

They hench.

I'm also willing to listen to any ideas for additions to the lair.  I'm thinking of turning invasions off as well, since they would be difficult to work into the storyline and force poor Dr. Destruction to focus her efforts on such frivolous things as a well-designed defense system.  When would that leave her time to develop over-elaborate death traps?

[Sappho]

The beginning of chapter 2 is up!  I've added a link to the first post, or you can click here:

Chapter 2

I'm interested in turning this into a sort of community lair.  Is anyone interested in becoming a hencher for Dr. Destruction?

...You'll get college credit!

I'm also looking for a nemesis, and any other characters you folks might find it interesting to add.  I have five unnamed henchers right now, and an immigrant wave should be coming soon.  Any takers?

[smeej]

Sounds awesome. I'm down.

[Sappho]

Glad to have you aboard, Smeej.  We're very happy to see your interest in henching for Dr. Destruction.  If you would please fill out this application form, we'll get back to you as soon as we can.

Name:
Gender:
Specialty:
Reason for wanting to hench with us:
How do we know you aren't a spy?:

Alternatively, if your interest lies in a position other than henching, let us know and we will locate the appropriate forms for you.

[Neoskel]

Maybe you should just call your henchdwarves minions.

But if you call them hench-somethings you can call their kids henchlings. 

[Aqizzar]

No filled applications yet?  I think it's a neat idea.

Name: Gravejob
Gender: Either
Specialty: I likes to carve the bones.  Pretty bones.  I likes to take the bones out and carve them.  Horse, cat, donkey, dwarf, marmot, elf.  Pretty Bones.
Reason for wanting to hench with us: I gets to take the bones out with a sword.
How do we know you aren't a spy?: Pretty pretty pretty bones.


I think the genderless term is just 'hench' actually.  A hench, one who henches, the act of henching.  One of english's funny-words.  Minion, croney, mook, goon, they're all good.

[Sappho]

Thank you, Mr. Gravejob.  Your application for the position of henching associate has been accepted.  Your employment will begin immediately.  Welcome to the Dr. Destruction family.

I'll probably try to get another update up sometime tomorrow.

[Flar Moonchill]

wOOt me too!

Name: Oddbins

Gender: Male for pref

Specialty: Fortress guard type person! Either Military or Fortress guard so I can lounge around skulking through the corridors armed with a cross bow!

Reason for wanting to hench with us:
I've turned my back on so-called society! They took away my crossbow and kicked me out oF my last position for getting drunk on duty and then winging the Barons Consort. Ugly little bugger, I mistook him for a troll.
 
How do we know you aren't a spy?: I have no where else to go! Plus Im cheap! All i wanna do is lounge around drink and shoot people! I meant shoot... things!

[Prometheus]

Name: Meatbag Gamma. I am not a robot.
Gender: Irrelevant. I am not a robot.
Specialty: I work with machines. I am not a robot.
Reason for wanting to hench with us: Because I cannot find work where I can work with mechanisms and wear the skins of my co-workers. And I am not a robot.
How do we know you aren't a spy?: I am clearly not a robot.

[iluogo]

name: Madgrabs they called me. yes,yes Madgrabs
gender: Madgrabs not now. Madgrabs killed them all.
specialty: Madgrabs like to work with the metal. yes,yes, shine it is.
reason for wanting to hench with us: they send Madgrabs away. they wanted to kill madgrabs but Madgrabs kill them all. yes, they dead now
how do we know you aren't a spy: Madgrabs no spy. Madgrabs kill them all yes. with shiny metal. Madgrabs likes shiny metal.

[Sappho]

Thank you, Mr. Oddbins.  Your application for the position of henching associate has been accepted.  Your preference for guard duty will be taken into consideration.  Welcome to the Dr. Destruction family.

Thank you, Meatbag Gamma.  Your application for the position of henching associate has been accepted.  Your preference for mechanics duty will be taken into consideration.  We notice you have not provided us with your gender.  Dr. Destruction is an equal opportunity employer, and respects your right to gender confusion.  All job titles are gender-neutral.  Welcome to the Dr. Destruction family.

Thank you, Madgrabs.  Your application for the position of henching associate has been accepted.  Your preference for metalworking duty will be taken into consideration.  We notice you have not provided us with your gender.  Dr. Destruction is an equal opportunity employer, and respects your right to gender confusion.  All job titles are gender-neutral.  Welcome to the Dr. Destruction family.

---

By the way, I'm considering having some of you henching associates go out and conduct some villainy on your own, in the form of short adventure-mode stories, which you would then report back to me on.  Details would be worked out later, but for now I'd like to know how many of you would be interested in doing this?

[Prometheus]

Fine by me. As you may have gathered, Meatbag Gamma is actually a robot, trying to pose as a dwarf. He's not a spy, just an emotionless killing machine who likes making all kinds of cool machinery.