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Author Topic: Roll to Dungeon Quest - It's not you, it's me.  (Read 193981 times)

Harry Baldman

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Re: Roll to Dungeon Quest - Chapter 1.113 - combat miniturn of fury!
« Reply #1440 on: June 04, 2014, 10:02:13 am »

"Were I a less driven man, this would be cause for alarm."

Reattach both feet! And if that's not possible, at least cauterize the bleeding stump for short-term gains.
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lawastooshort

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Re: Roll to Dungeon Quest - Chapter 1.113 - combat miniturn of fury!
« Reply #1441 on: June 04, 2014, 10:27:03 am »

Ha ha!

Leap out of the barrel like a vomit Grover from Sesame Street and begin applying pain with my facelegthing!

Bukkar, alone in the street with seven vomiting vigilantes, leaps out of his barrel, and does unspeakable naked headbutts with his groin at them!

The first victim receives a stony legbutt to the head, which explodes, sending headshrapnel all around, piercing another vomiting vigilante in the eyes and killing him instantly. Laughing maniacally, Bukkar thrusts his facegroin at another retching dress-wearing imbecile, groinal-thrusting his head right off! Or is it face-thrusting? It’s hard to tell, for Bukkar is a whirling burning frenzy of naked thrusting, with legs, groins and faces everywhere.

Having lost three brother vigilantes to two deadly facegroin thrusts, the remainder flee, retching as they do so.

"Were I a less driven man, this would be cause for alarm."

Reattach both feet! And if that's not possible, at least cauterize the bleeding stump for short-term gains.

Someone famous might once have remarked that he didn’t want his surgeons to be competent, but lucky: Gervedder, unfortunately for Gervedder, whose surgeon he is, appears to be neither right now.

At least whilst slicing off his lower leg he manages to burn away all the blood left in his leg.

Wound Acquired: Gervedder Vietzo: Severed Lower Leg!


((next turn for Bukkar and Gervedder will be "full" turns, losing HP / cooldown times as appropriate))
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Xantalos

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Re: Roll to Dungeon Quest - Chapter 1.113 - combat miniturn of fury!
« Reply #1442 on: June 04, 2014, 10:30:20 am »

Flawless Victory!

Engage in victory dance, then go find that guy who was being harassed. In my barrel of course.
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Harry Baldman

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Re: Roll to Dungeon Quest - Chapter 1.113 - combat miniturn of fury!
« Reply #1443 on: June 04, 2014, 10:44:37 am »

Maybe... don't try to reattach a foot with an axe? Put it away for a few moments, then, after composing myself and getting into a medical state of mind, reattach all of these leg bits.
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Toaster

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Re: Roll to Dungeon Quest - Chapter 1.113 - combat miniturn of fury!
« Reply #1444 on: June 04, 2014, 11:01:34 am »

Tackov, in a rare display of physical exertion, decides there's only one thing to do.


Wind Step, and run up and trip the dude before he gets away.
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HMR stands for Hazardous Materials Requisition, not Horrible Massive Ruination, though I can understand how one could get confused.
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IronyOwl

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Re: Roll to Dungeon Quest - Chapter 1.113 - combat miniturn of fury!
« Reply #1445 on: June 04, 2014, 03:35:02 pm »

((Uh... so Gervedder's no longer in any immediate trouble, right? Lost all the blood he's gonna lose?))


"Sayyyyyyyy... you think phantomflesh is the same as regular flesh?"

Attempt to use corpse glue to assemble a spiderlike construct from phantom tax collector parts. Notably limbs. Grasping, grasping limbs.
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Re: Roll to Dungeon Quest - Chapter 1.113 - combat miniturn of fury!
« Reply #1446 on: June 04, 2014, 04:27:56 pm »

"Why yes, I do notice that I have a pitchfork in my head! Now, can I collect the rewards you offered me?"

Buy the armor offered at a discounted price for completing the man's task, and equip it.
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lawastooshort

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Roll to Dungeon Quest - Chapter 1.114
« Reply #1447 on: June 05, 2014, 04:43:03 am »

Turn One Hundred and Fourteen

The Temple of Sef...

Wind Step, and run up and trip the dude before he gets away.

Quite gratuitously turning invisible, Tackov chases after the fleeing tax collector, catches up with him, and trips him to the floor. Cursing, the tax collector gets up and flees once more, whereupon Tackov trips him up again. Now certain that he hadn’t just tripped on his own feet the first time, the tax collector checks his shoelaces, and flees again. Not being much less fit than the tax collector, Tackov again keeps up, and trips the running eejit once more to the ground.

Tackov starts to giggle, and the tax collector starts to worry, and gets up again, running as fast as he can away from the phantom fiend, and smack into the dungeon wall. He holds his crumpled nose and scrambles around on his backside, backing away from the invisible tripper, cringing in fear and dismay.

”Help! Help! Who’s there?! Who hinders my tax collection thus?!”

Before he answers, Tackov notes that he is on the other side of the large room from where he started, and that he is still bleeding quite heavily from the guts, and that the invisible blood seeping out and dripping on the floor is probably quite disturbing and, if you think about it too much, probably not invisible for long after it’s dripped, or is it, since technically you could argue it is still part of the invisible wizard? Kind of?

Attempt to use corpse glue to assemble a spiderlike construct from phantom tax collector parts. Notably limbs. Grasping, grasping limbs.

With her colleagues either in holes, turning invisible, or keeling over in shame – and her enemies all in pieces or fleeing- ooooh, wait! Pieces! Sylvanna has a rather good idea, and gets a big pot of stinky glue out of a pocket somewhere, drags all the dead tax collectors into a heap, sits down cross-legged, and gets to work tearing and sticking and ripping and smearing and muttering.

It’s a slightly rushed job, in her excitement to be playing with severed limbs again after so many days away from her hobby, but as she stands up and steps back she really is rather pleased.

“Arise, possibly-phantom tax collector golem!”

She thinks she might possibly have to shorten the name to be able to give it more effective commands, but it does at least get to its feet. All six of its feet.

Sylvanna admires its arms. Its grasping, grasping, grasping arms.

The head looks blankly at her.

Sylvanna looks excitedly back.

Possibly-phantom tax collector golem acquired! Sylvanna the Felonious: Name to be confirmed – Eric?


Spoiler: Construction Notes (click to show/hide)

Maybe... don't try to reattach a foot with an axe? Put it away for a few moments, then, after composing myself and getting into a medical state of mind, reattach all of these leg bits.

So, everyone else is busy at things other than helping Gervedder out of his corpse and blood-filled hole, so he decides to get on with not chopping any more body parts off with a flaming axe and instead actually fixing himself.

Composing himself doesn’t seem to do much good, so he just gets out a needle and thread and gets to work, successfully sewing his one foot on, and equally successfully sewing his severed leg and foot onto the… bother. Onto the non-severed leg.

He stands up, quite pleased with himself, and immediately falls over sideways, being quite unbalanced now that one leg is half a leg shorter than it used to be and the other is half a leg longer than it once was. And that his right foot is on the left, and the left foot on the right.

Extra Long Leg Acquired: Gervedder Vietzo: Extra Long Left Leg!

Elsewhere…

Buy the armor offered at a discounted price for completing the man's task, and equip it.

"Why yes, I do notice that I have a pitchfork in my head! Now, can I collect the rewards you offered me?"

”Yes, my good sir,” replies the shop keeper, evidently impressed at Whiz’s new head-decoration.

Armour Acquired: Whiz the Shiny Mummy: Steel Helmet, Steel Breastplate

Engage in victory dance, then go find that guy who was being harassed. In my barrel of course.

Flawless Victory! gloats Bukkar, getting into his barrel with his face still on fire. Dragged behind Roñardo – travelling in style, like a flawless victor should – he soon catches up with Whiz in the armour shop.

 Harassed man! Nice pitchfork!

"Thanks, O Vomiter. Nice… burning face?"

Spoiler: GM notes (click to show/hide)

Current Players:
Spoiler: Tackov Cedtry, Toaster (click to show/hide)
Spoiler: Whiz, Chink (click to show/hide)
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Harry Baldman

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Re: Roll to Dungeon Quest - Chapter 1.114
« Reply #1448 on: June 05, 2014, 05:00:52 am »

"Well, I suppose that sometimes you just have to roll with the severed bits."

It's time for The Final Manipulation. Remove the possibly phantom dead tax collector's bits (unless he faded away already), presumably the right leg, to my shorter leg to create a partial possibly phantom right leg. No way that could possibly go wrong, right?
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lawastooshort

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Re: Roll to Dungeon Quest - Chapter 1.114
« Reply #1449 on: June 05, 2014, 05:49:33 am »

It's time for The Final Manipulation. Remove the possibly phantom dead tax collector's bits (unless he faded away already), presumably the right leg, to my shorter leg to create a partial possibly phantom right leg. No way that could possibly go wrong, right?

Almost competently removing the leg from the corpse next to him, Gervedder gets stitching a second time, and sews the right leg onto his right leg. It doesn’t… look quite right, because he now has one left leg with a right foot and one right leg with a left foot and then, a little further down, a second right foot, but at least he can stand without unintentionally leaning. He's also considerably increased his tall, dark and handsome aggregate score.

Legs Fixed: Gervedder Vietzo: Extra Long Legs!

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Harry Baldman

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Re: Roll to Dungeon Quest - Chapter 1.114 - leg surgery miniturn!
« Reply #1450 on: June 05, 2014, 05:55:35 am »

"Well now, that certainly went less eventfully than expected."

Using my amazing tallness (is my running speed changed by my longer legs?), escape the pit and reunite with my fellow adventurer and adventurettes.
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lawastooshort

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Re: Roll to Dungeon Quest - Chapter 1.114 - leg surgery miniturn!
« Reply #1451 on: June 05, 2014, 06:30:11 am »

(is my running speed changed by my longer legs?)

((yes, why not - +1 to running speed - remind me if I forget to add it to your stats))
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Toaster

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Re: Roll to Dungeon Quest - Chapter 1.114 - leg surgery miniturn!
« Reply #1452 on: June 05, 2014, 07:46:22 am »

+1 to being tall.

* Toaster brain explode

This is a positive comment, if it's not immediately obvious

"Oi!  Howsabout you finish off this guy?  Droney!  Get em!"


Sic Dronebongo on last tax collector while I run back and grab a bandage from Foxglove when she isn't looking.  Bandage self with such.
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HMR stands for Hazardous Materials Requisition, not Horrible Massive Ruination, though I can understand how one could get confused.
God help us if we have to agree on pizza toppings at some point. There will be no survivors.

lawastooshort

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Re: Roll to Dungeon Quest - Chapter 1.114 - leg surgery miniturn!
« Reply #1453 on: June 05, 2014, 08:29:47 am »

"Well now, that certainly went less eventfully than expected."

Using my amazing tallness (is my running speed changed by my longer legs?), escape the pit and reunite with my fellow adventurer and adventurettes.

Using his amazing tallness – for Gervedder is now at least 18 inches taller than the average generic medieval fantasy adult male – Gervedder simply reaches up and pulls himself out of his gory hole, and strolls, tally, over to his colleagues.

He is disappointed when none of them faint in astonishment at his astounding height.

Sic Dronebongo on last tax collector while I run back and grab a bandage from Foxglove when she isn't looking.  Bandage self with such.

Meanwhile Tackov steals a bandage from Foxglove, who is still stricken with the shame of having shot him, and fixes his bleeding guts. He finishes, and looks expectantly at his companions. It occurs to him that they could either: 1/explore the pit Gervedder just got stuck in; 2/ explore the unopened door to the north east or; 3/go back to the stairs and descend deeper to the next level of the dungeon.

”Hmm.”

Just as he reflects, he hears the terrible sound of a tax collector being increasingly violently kicked and then having his legs bitten off by a percussion instrument. There are a few moments of deathmoans, but they don’t last long, and DroneBongo soon returns to Tackov’s heels, with something suspiciously like a bit of thigh stuck in his teeth.
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Re: Roll to Dungeon Quest - Chapter 1.114 - violent percussion miniturn!
« Reply #1454 on: June 05, 2014, 08:32:58 am »

"Good boy!  Who's a good Droney?"
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HMR stands for Hazardous Materials Requisition, not Horrible Massive Ruination, though I can understand how one could get confused.
God help us if we have to agree on pizza toppings at some point. There will be no survivors.
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