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Author Topic: Me and my partner  (Read 29226 times)

zehive

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Re: Me and my partner
« Reply #120 on: June 09, 2013, 11:11:03 pm »

Jfc
« Last Edit: September 05, 2019, 02:16:55 pm by zehive »
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Vector

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Re: Me and my partner
« Reply #121 on: June 10, 2013, 12:56:22 am »

That's okay.  You're doing great!  Keep going.
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"The question of the usefulness of poetry arises only in periods of its decline, while in periods of its flowering, no one doubts its total uselessness." - Boris Pasternak

nonbinary/genderfluid/genderqueer renegade mathematician and mafia subforum limpet. please avoid quoting me.

pronouns: prefer neutral ones, others are fine. height: 5'3".

zehive

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Re: Me and my partner
« Reply #122 on: June 10, 2013, 07:58:41 pm »

Eve infection
« Last Edit: September 05, 2019, 02:17:12 pm by zehive »
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XXSockXX

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Re: Me and my partner
« Reply #123 on: June 10, 2013, 10:01:27 pm »

Have some self-respect. Being open-minded is cool, but not if feelings are hurt. This relationship is clearly over. You want to be exclusive, she doesn't. And from what you tell it reads as if she is teasing you with that, which is not what you deserve. If it hurts you, you need to get out of there. That is pure self-preservation. If you think you can't break off contact, why not confront her about your feelings? If I were you I would have quite some aggressive feelings toward her, and say something hurtful enough to ensure she'll not talk to you for a few years.
In my experience the first 5-7 years of a healthy relationship are the fun and easy part. This is never going to be something like that. Even if you could "win her back", what would come out of it? How could you trust her to not pull something like that again? She obviously doesn't care much about your feelings, which should make her pretty unattractive to you. Love is not a competition.
Break off all contact, have some alone time to figure yourself out or have some fun before you start something serious again. But forget her. And while time does not heal all wounds, emotions do fade and you might be able to look back in a few years and wonder what you liked about her in the first place.
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zehive

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Re: Me and my partner
« Reply #124 on: June 10, 2013, 10:30:20 pm »

CEASE
« Last Edit: September 05, 2019, 02:17:23 pm by zehive »
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XXSockXX

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Re: Me and my partner
« Reply #125 on: June 10, 2013, 10:48:45 pm »

Yeah, look: if she doesn't feel like being with you right now, will she ever feel like it? Are you supposed to just wait till she is "ready"? No.

Being through a lot of shit together is a good thing, but it also has to feel like a good thing, like when you are there for each other in hard times. This looks more like you are going through a lot of shit, while she does whatever she likes. That is not healthy for you. Loyality is extremely important in a relationship, but this is zero loyality on her part. She tries to keep you close and bind you to her by making vague promises. But you have to care about yourself and your own life first here.

Breaking off all contact is really important. You will get a clearer head after a time, and any unresolved stuff can be resolved later if necessary, when you are emotionally detached from her and free.

You don't have to be mean to her, that is how I react in similar situations, it may not be the healthiest way, but sometimes you need that to set yourself free.

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zehive

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Re: Me and my partner
« Reply #126 on: June 10, 2013, 11:02:54 pm »

Deg
« Last Edit: September 05, 2019, 02:17:46 pm by zehive »
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XXSockXX

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Re: Me and my partner
« Reply #127 on: June 10, 2013, 11:19:45 pm »

Well, if she doesn't want it to change, you're not going through rough times together, you have the rough time and she has the good feeling that you're still there if she's in the mood. That is pretty one-sided.
Clean cuts are always hard. I think it's a good thing if you can keep yourself occupied with hobbies or something. That helps you re-discovering yourself as an individual, as opposed to a part of a couple. There is always some time needed to re-adjust yourself.
Meeting other people might be a good thing too, but you can't force that to happen, it often happens when you don't expect it at all.
Strenghtening yourself as an individual can only help, as that makes you more interesting to other people (and also more attractive to potential future partners).
If you realize that you can have a good time on your own and are not just defined by being the boyfriend of someone, you will discover a lot of new opportunities.
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Vector

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Re: Me and my partner
« Reply #128 on: June 10, 2013, 11:29:37 pm »

I'm trying to get myself back into some old hobbies. I ordered myself a nice new blues harp, my next paycheck is going to go towards some amateur rocketry stuff and I do have a place nearby I can go for miles of hiking and walking. I guess if I can't find other people to do stuff with me I'll just do it myself. I think I depend nearly 100% on other people for my life to function, and thats not a good or healthy thing.

This is really good thinking.  Keep trying.
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"The question of the usefulness of poetry arises only in periods of its decline, while in periods of its flowering, no one doubts its total uselessness." - Boris Pasternak

nonbinary/genderfluid/genderqueer renegade mathematician and mafia subforum limpet. please avoid quoting me.

pronouns: prefer neutral ones, others are fine. height: 5'3".

zehive

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Re: Me and my partner
« Reply #129 on: June 10, 2013, 11:34:28 pm »

Vvvv
« Last Edit: September 05, 2019, 02:17:57 pm by zehive »
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XXSockXX

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Re: Me and my partner
« Reply #130 on: June 10, 2013, 11:58:11 pm »

Yeah, I'm going to try. I think it's just that I'm really afraid of being alone, which is sort of me using her at the same time. I dont really want to talk to her, but I dont want to be lonely.
Being alone and being lonely isn't necessarily the same thing. If there is something that's fulfilling enough in your life, and that can be just a hobby, you can go a very long alone without feeling lonely.
Ideally you can talk to some friends or family. Sometimes you don't have that, and you will have to feed off seemingly meaningless things like short conversations at work or the internet. Having hobbies can be a way to meet people, as can be taking classes in something or just hanging out in the same bar every weekend.
From personal experience I would say that the feeling of loneliness after a breakup gets much better after a few weeks, and pretty much disappears after a while, as you get used to being alone again, and not being one half of a whole.
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zehive

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Re: Me and my partner
« Reply #131 on: June 11, 2013, 12:03:30 am »

Ok
« Last Edit: September 05, 2019, 02:18:05 pm by zehive »
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XXSockXX

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Re: Me and my partner
« Reply #132 on: June 11, 2013, 12:22:10 am »

Yeah.. I'm mostly afraid of being lonely. Because I have no hobbies that Im pursuing right now, or friends, I have family I dont really like all that much, no classes right now since I have a college bill to pay off. All I have for socializing is work and internet friends..
It is too high a price for not being lonely to have someone emotionally leech off you. Relying on just one person for social contact isn't a good idea anyway.
I have friends from youth, but I've also met a lot of friends through common interests, in my case going to concerts and music clubs. Going alone to a bar is awkward at first, but after a time you might get to know cool people if you find a nice place. Pretty much the same as with internet places, if you're there long enough, you're a regular. Real life is pretty much like here, you have to reach out, you might get a terribly stupid response or it might go great and it's the start of a friendship. Just don't expect too much, and you won't be disappointed.
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zehive

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Re: Me and my partner
« Reply #133 on: June 11, 2013, 12:25:35 am »

Lol
« Last Edit: September 05, 2019, 02:18:14 pm by zehive »
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XXSockXX

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Re: Me and my partner
« Reply #134 on: June 11, 2013, 12:47:51 am »

That sounds like stuff you should be able to find other people who share your interests with. And sure, change sucks, but if you're unhappy you might need some change. It's an intermittant state that can only get better. You have nothing to lose anyway, you might feel lonely for a while, but you are free.
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