PLEASE DO NOT QUOTE, or COPY.I started typing some things, and then erased it. I make hardened therapists cry when I tell them about my self and my past, and I don't want that here. Some things I'll say. Others I won't.
I feel the entire social contract has been shred and defiled.
Even those parts of my life I'll reluctantly share are so god damn nuts, I wouldn't believe it if I didn't live it. I started out with schools thinking I had a "mild case of mental retardation." They sent a letter about my bullshit "condition" to my mom in elementary school. I got straight As except an F in spelling, but I never said a god damn thing to anyone. Between the beatings at school and the beatings at home, and everything else, I was trying not to be noticed. They told me to shut up and that I'd never get past algebra I, and the first math question they gave me in 9th grade was 5+2 = __. They were convinced I did not know it was 7.... I completed every single math class they offered in high school except AP calc due to a scheduling conflict for a total of 7 full math courses in high school.
I then earned a double major honors degree from one of the best private colleges in the Midwest. I astonished professors, because of the sheer amount and quality of work I would do. I won competitive research scholarships, beating out tons of applicants who wanted the cash prizes towards their tuition. I had leadership roles on campus and stood up to unethical practices at my own detriment. I performed statistical analysis for the university at minimum wage, because they didn't wanna hire anybody to do it. I sat outside the hallways of night classes to hear what was being said and was once invited inside by the prof. I took 18 credit hours every semester for a total of 144 credit hours and I nearly earned three majors instead of two. I was told somebody who worked as hard at economics and psych as I did would always have a place.
I mistakenly went to law school after they bold faced lied to me about what lawyers would do and make. Everything went straight to hell. NEVER EVER go to law school. I did the worst cases that nobody else wanted as a clerk and later as a lawyer, and I made an embarrassingly low amount of money. They weren't hiring in law when I graduated; they were firing. Large firms that had stood for 100 years went bankrupt. Full partners at large firms got fired, and I didn't know a partner could be fired....
The sheer corruption was horrifying, across the counties I practiced in. One thing I've learned about corrupt people is they will ruin your life if you expose them.
Even if they pay for it in the end, they will make you regret it. Commissioners, auditors, a few judges, tons of other people, all corrupt as hell and it was a scary and huge thing. Funny thing about being a lawyer is, you can't say a judge is a worthless piece of corrupt shit without absolutely airtight proof and even then it's risky and you might get disbarred just for SAYING anything. They threatened me with this. They tried to frame me for crimes I didn't commit. They threatened to kill me, and my family. I moved my family out of county. In the end, a few people got put under investigation and a few, including a judge, got indicted on felony public corruption charges. I walked away without a charge against me. That said, I was unofficially blackballed for a while there, and it ruined my business. It cost me a ton and I couldn't afford it. Nobody gives a shit either. The corruption was so bad, that I couldn't do my job. This is the abridged version, and I'm still not comfortable getting any of it into print, because some of these people are still being tried on ongoing related charges. The whole damn thing may very well have poisoned the well for my career for a while.
Now I'm looking for any work outside of law, or if anything in law, then a completely honest one.... It is exhausting. My parents are dumbfounded and look at me like I must be on drugs to not be successful like this. Somebody with my degrees etc should be employed and beating away job offers left and right. I'm having trouble getting a warehouse manager or similar role. It's insane. I feel like the rug got yanked out from under me, because it did. I do not live well.
I went from being told I had proved everybody wrong and that I was the cream of the crop, to an annoyance, who is too expensive even at an embarrassingly low rate through the state.... I expended an incalculable amount of energy, and I did everything right while being told it was wrong. In the end, a lot of people went to jail or got brought up on charges, but even though I walked away, I got screwed too.
I am surprisingly young and rather than being treated like a prodigy, I'm treated like a moron. I have to be a total asshole about things to be taken even slightly seriously. Even then, I'm seen as more "uppity." I've had judges ignore the hell out of me and I had to win on appeal, solely because I'm young.... I looked things up, I did the research. I talked to the right people (visited in jail etc) and it didn't mean shit, because the right answer was "wrong." It wasn't what people wanted to hear, and the best part was, everybody wanted to hear something different, so it was impossible.
That doesn't even touch the GLBT stuff and how I saw my state pass an unconstitutional law against gays, and then when that law was struck down, they changed the constitution.
I'm broken fucking hearted about it all, and so much more I will probably never ever tell you. It seems with some notable exceptions, many old lawyers I have met have been a god damn crook and a half and screwed over everybody including me. I just don't care anymore and it's hard to get out of bed in the morning. I used to be overly polite to everybody, and now.... Now I just don't say shit most of the time, and most of them know not to say shit to me, because I'm wired for sound and recording everything they say after the last round of total bullshit tried to frame me for a crime I didn't commit and that ended up getting a judge charged with 6 felony counts of public corruption and 6 misd counts. I'm no longer above getting in somebody's face and staring a hole right through their forehead, because I just don't give a flying fuck anymore. I was actually sort of viewed as a tattle tail for turning people in, even though I had a duty to do so, and they were screwing me over with 0 provocation. Saying "Fuck each and every last one of you individually and collectively. I want nothing to do with you. Enjoy prison." Does not make you popular. Somehow, it's almost as if they blame me that people went to jail over shit they did but certainly should not have.... The word "tattletale" comes to mind....
I do not like who I have become. I do not like my prospects. I do not like being called lazy, when I am the hardest working person I know. I have given everything. I have received nothing and am told I have to pay for it besides....
I would like to scream, but find this unhelpful. The difference engine of my mind is cautioned against creating solutions by stupid, fat, lazy, entitled, whiny people who are not worth the powder it would take the blow them to hell, but just barely. Many of these people are old, and stupid and had the nerve to call me worthless.... They know not to talk where my microphones can pick anything up now. I am pissed. I enter a room to ghostly silence, like a plague carrier. Truth is a disease among the corrupt. I have given them the courtesy they would not give me--I have told them I am not their friend, because they refused to treat me with basic human dignity. I do what I do, making sure things are done right, now out of pure spite, and they hate me for it all the more. I am unhappy, unpopular, and hated, because I subscribed to the delusion that the legal field should follow laws.
Exit please.
Author
Topic: How's your generation doing? (Read 44779 times)