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[a1s]

'Nice tie, buddy. More in Seurat than in Ingres.'

I don't get it 

"Haifa-lootin', routine Teuton, son of a gun from Tara's owner, big-time Cow-Pie Joe..."

This one was easy to google, and even though I didn't know it, I can really appreciate the craft the went into it.

[Culise]

'Nice tie, buddy. More in Seurat than in Ingres.'

I don't get it 

I didn't get it the first time I read it either, mostly because I was mispronouncing the names.  It's another Shakespeare pun: "more in sorrow than in anger."

[Paxiecrunchle]

Posting to watch.

[Starver]

Earlier today I heard about this on the radio.

The broadcast wording had more brevity in the article, and concluded with words very similar to "the club says that they will send a number of their fans to Auschwitz", as a response to their collective bad behaviour. Which I thought sounded a little bit harsh, in these generally more enlightened times...

[redwallzyl]

Jesus only eats leavened bread. For he has risen.

[Rolan7]

Heard a joke so dumb I woke up:
A treant: "Sex jokes are low hanging fruit"
Almost surprised that wordplay happened in that fuzzy-conceptual-dreamspace. In fact it worked better... I guess you had to be there. (There wasn't technically a treant, for example, just a pervasive force of nature with a dumb sense of humor)

[Sir Elventide]

If Count Dracula was a spy, what would he use to sent and receive a secret message?

A numbers station.

[Helgoland]

Heard a joke so dumb I woke up:
A treant: "Sex jokes are low hanging fruit"
Almost surprised that wordplay happened in that fuzzy-conceptual-dreamspace. In fact it worked better... I guess you had to be there. (There wasn't technically a treant, for example, just a pervasive force of nature with a dumb sense of humor)

A queer joke? Low hanging fruits.

Wow, darkest pun I've made in a while.

[Rolan7]

Wow that took me a few seconds to interpret... Then I chuckled with horror, well done!

[Tawa]

The Pakhan of the Russian mafia is arguing with the Don of the Italian mafia. The Don wants to create an agreement between the two organizations to stay out of each others' way, but the Pakhan will have none of that. So what did the Pakhan say when the Don was upset about this?

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

"Crimea river."

[Descan]

why are the russians and italians talking to each other in english

[MrRoboto75]

Roses are red
Violets are plants

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

[Helgoland]

why are the russians and italians talking to each other in english

Why do Sheb and I talk in English?

[Egan_BW]

Why is English?

[Maximum Spin]

Why is English?

Yes, "why" is English. It roughly means "for what reason".