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[HmH]

Being a good doctor isn't enough to win this battle. It's time I get MAD!
From now on, I shall call myself Mad Doctor Pain, or Pain M. D. for short!

Pain M. D.: Take out two of my syringes. Detach the syringes' plungers and put my legs in the plungers' place.
If everything goes right, I'll get a nice, hand-free weapon with good potential for forced blood infusion as well as some wondrously sharp leg replacements!

[Sheb]

Dude, you don't have legs anymore.

[HmH]

Dude, you don't have legs anymore.

Beg pardon, I meant the stumps of my legs.

[lawastooshort]

Right well, we are still missing two actions. I'm not going to have much access to internet or computer for a fortnight, so this is a bump for actions as well as a bump for delay related apologies. I'll get this more quickly finished off when I'm back.

Thanks.

[lawastooshort]

TURN SEVEN

I'll rush away from the poo-dropping colossus and climb on the ledge in C.

…Suddenly moving after a short period of inactivity, Robert le Duck runs like a ninja up the side of the bath, fleeing in desperation from this new combatant and sprinting so hard that he remembers he is a duck, and flies! With his new found skill he hovers above the watery battleground, mere inches above the curly haired monster dominating the bathtub.

ACHIEVEMENT ACQUIRED: ROBERT: HOLYCRAPIMADUCKICANFLY!

I'd totally ninjacrush the duck to death!

…But Snuggems isn’t the type to be overawed by a simple flying duck! He leaps into the air and mounts the rubber fiend, scrambling about on his back until he gets a strong grip with his firm masculine thighs and squeezes! Snuggems totally breaks Robert’s wings with his toned and shapely legs! The duck and the attached ninjateddy fall out of the air, tumbling into the entangling and dirty curly hair below.

Leg Damage Inflicted: Snuggems on Robert Canardchiste: Broken Wings!

Being a good doctor isn't enough to win this battle. It's time I get MAD!
From now on, I shall call myself Mad Doctor Pain, or Pain M. D. for short!

Pain M. D.: Take out two of my syringes. Detach the syringes' plungers and put my legs in the plungers' place.
If everything goes right, I'll get a nice, hand-free weapon with good potential for forced blood infusion as well as some wondrously sharp leg replacements!

…Bellowing like the ancient doctors of times gone by, Dr. Boo-Boo announces to all that can hear him that, yea, be warned ye lechering foes! From now on I shall call myself Mad Doctor Pain! And pain be what I prescribe ye! In the face! But first, before he can get to work on his ward rounds and deliver some of his speciality treatment (painology) to his favourite patients, he has to tend to himself! He gets out a pair of syringes and dismantles them as fast as he can. He jams his leg stumps into the syringes! He has fashioned himself a pair of needle legs!

ACHIEVEMENT ACQUIRED: DR. BOO-BOO: SELF SURGEON!

I’d totally try to catch the special weapons package the giant is delivering to turn it against my foes!

…Last of all, the battleship roars its engines into action, sailing directly towards the defecating colossus, hoping to catch and weaponise the giant’s waste product. Suddenly there is a great blast of… air? downwards, an increased sound of straining, and… bosh! With a sickening thud a huge wodge of giant’s waste product falls upon the decks of the battleship HMS Sunny! The magnificent poop-covered ship begins to sink under the weight!

 

ACHIEVEMENT ACQUIRED: SUNNY: WASTE RECEPTACLE!

Just then there is another booming voice.

DADDY! I’VE DONE A POO!

OH GOSH! I THINK WE SHOULD TOTALLY GET YOU OUT OF THE BATH!

Competitor Status

Spoiler: Sheb; Robert Canardchiste (click to show/hide)

Name: Robert Canardchiste
Class: Rubber Duck : +1 to damage due to its sturdy beak
Wounds: [55/55] Broken Wings!
Status: -1 to arm wing based melee
Skill: +1 to Damage
Achievements: Holycrapimaduckicanfly!

Spoiler: HmH; Dr. Boo-Boo (click to show/hide)

Name: Dr. Boo-Boo
Class: Doctor Bear
Wounds: [HP:45/55] | Broken Left Arm!
Status: -1 to arm based actions.
Skill: Qualified in all things medical.
Achievements: First Blood! Miraculous Healer! First Simultaneous Action! Self Surgeon!

Spoiler: Grimmjow6th; Snuggems (click to show/hide)

Name: Snuggems
Class: Fluffy Teddy Bear Of Love
Wounds: [45/55] | Fractured Head!
Status: +1 to damage rolls against you.
Skill: -1 hit chance to people attacking.
Achievements: Gut Toucher!

Spoiler: adwarf; Sunny (click to show/hide)

Name: Sunny
Class: Plastic Battleship
Wounds: [5/55] | Mangled Arm! | Fractured Guts! | Severed Guns!
Status: Sinking under the weight of newly weaponised defecation! About to bleed to death!
Achievements: Friendly Crushing! Waste Receptacle!
Skill: SEVERED!

Spoiler: MAP OF THE BATH (click to show/hide)

So, now:
Robert and Snuggems are in C4, on top of the monstrous defecator;
Dr. Boo-Boo is still in D3;
Sunny is in C4, under the giant defecator;
And the defecating colossus itself is also in C4.
Let me know if I’ve worked that out wrong.

Haha @ poop...

All based on real life stories. No gratuitous poop from me. Oh, and a second turn of inactivity will lead to some form of gruesome death or something.

[Tiruin]

((This is funny and you are funny.  ))

[HmH]

Swim to the corpse of Mr. No More Tears and tear off a strip of his plastic-wrought body with my teeth. Heal my arm using the torn-off piece as a splint.

[Sheb]

Damn you Snuggem!

Try to beak-wrestle Snuggem and throw him out of the bad.

[adwarf]

Attack nearest non-friendly

[lawastooshort]

Excellent. I'll update this week... autoing if necessary.

[lawastooshort]

TURN EIGHT

Knock the duck’s head off with a trademark kick before realising I’ve been autoed twice in a row and kicking my own head off!

…And they’re off again! We seemed to have lost the picture there for a while, but now we’re back, and we can tell you that nothing at all has happened in the intervening moments! But now what’s this?! Snuggems the Teddy is rushing forwards towards Robert le Duck with his foot raised high! He tries to kick the duck’s head right off! He misses! And what’s this?!?! He’s trying to kick his OWN head right off! The severed part flies off in an arc! I think that’s probably fatal John!

ACHIEVEMENT ACQUIRED: SNUGGEMS: SELF-DECAPITATOR!

Head Damage Inflicted: Snuggems on Snuggems: Severed Head!

SNUGGEMS IS DECEASED!

Try to beak-wrestle Snuggem and throw him out of the bad.

…“Damn you Snuggem!” shouts Robert le Canardchiste, as his chance to avenge himself flies away in an arc with Snuggem’s mangled head. “Damn you!”

Suddenly he realises he’s totally wasted his turn, but then visualises himself trying to throw Snuggems out of the bath with his beak and doing his back in. Perhaps it was for the best!

Swim to the corpse of Mr. No More Tears and tear off a strip of his plastic-wrought body with my teeth. Heal my arm using the torn-off piece as a splint.

…Speaking of totally wasting his turn, the camera suddenly cuts to Dr. Boo-Boo swimming across the surface of the filthy water, getting entangled in bits of plastic and tearing a strip off a nearby floating poo! He retches in disgust when he realises what he’s done! Totally wasted his turn! Well, failed, actually.

Attack nearest (this was Snuggems but is now Robert, ed.) non-friendly

…With his last dying gasps, Sunny the Battleship steam along the edge of the bath, flailing blindly at Robert the Duck’s legs, totally fracturing them to pieces! Then he keels over and bleeds to death!

Leg Damage Inflicted: Sunny on Robert Canardchiste: Fractured Legs!

 

ACHIEVEMENT ACQUIRED: SUNNY: GRATUITOUS AND SPITEFULLY PETTY VIOLENCE IN THE FACE OF IMPENDING DEATH!

SUNNY IS DECEASED!

Competitor Status

Spoiler: Sheb; Robert Canardchiste (click to show/hide)

Name: Robert Canardchiste
Class: Rubber Duck : +1 to damage due to its sturdy beak
Wounds: [55/55] Broken Wings! | Fractured Legs!
Status: -1 to arm wing based melee, -1 to leg based movement.
Skill: +1 to Damage
Achievements: Holycrapimaduckicanfly!

Spoiler: HmH; Dr. Boo-Boo (click to show/hide)

Name: Dr. Boo-Boo
Class: Doctor Bear
Wounds: [HP:45/55] | Broken Left Arm!
Status: -1 to arm based actions.
Skill: Qualified in all things medical.
Achievements: First Blood! Miraculous Healer! First Simultaneous Action! Self Surgeon!

Spoiler: Grimmjow6th; Snuggems (click to show/hide)

Name: Snuggems
Class: Fluffy Teddy Bear Of Love
Wounds: [0/55] | Fractured Head! | Severed Head!
Status: DECEASED
Skill: -1 hit chance to people attacking.
Achievements: Gut Toucher! Self-decapitator!

Spoiler: adwarf; Sunny (click to show/hide)

Name: Sunny
Class: Plastic Battleship
Wounds: [-5/55] | Mangled Arm! | Fractured Guts! | Severed Guns!
Status: DECEASED
Achievements: Friendly Crushing! Waste Receptacle! Gratuitous and spitefully petty violence in the face of impending death!
Skill: SEVERED!

Spoiler: MAP OF THE BATH (click to show/hide)

So, now:
Robert is in C4;
Dr. Boo-Boo is in C3;
Let me know if I’ve worked that out wrong.

[HmH]

"You may have deemed old Doc Boo-Boo weak, Robert, but he is no more. I, Pain M. D., am in his place, and I will end your miserable pseudo-life! Prepare to be annihealated!"
Do a flying leap at Robert and penetrate his beak with my needle-legs, aiming to cripple it as severely as possible.

[Sheb]

Pretend to be a Spanish Bullfighter and avoid the needle while shouting "Ole!", and eviscerate the doctor with my beak as he go by.

[lawastooshort]

TURN NINE

Pretend to be a Spanish Bullfighter and avoid the needle while shouting "Ole!", and eviscerate the doctor with my beak as he goes by.

…“You may have deemed old Doc Boo-Boo weak, Robert,” shouts Dr. Boo-Boo as he and the rubber duck face off across the expanse of bathwater. “But he is no more. I, Pain M. D., am in his place, and I will end your miserable pseudo-life! Prepare to be annihealated!"

“I see what you did there, ‘Pain M.D.’” coolly replies Robert le Canardchiste, pausing to take a drag on his 50s cigarette. “But did you see what I did here?”

“Eh?”

“Mwahahahah! You see, I pun even in two languages! Even in my very name! Beware! I am going to duck you up! Aha!”

“Whatever, rubber features! En garde!”

Time suddenly seems to slow down as Pain M.D. levitates out of the water and throws himself into a flying leap directly at his rubber duck rival, aiming his terrible needle-legs right at the duck’s beak!

“Pffff…” mumbles Robert, before adding, “Ole!” and sidestepping out of the way and thrusting out his beak to eviscerate the violent doctor. The sidestep is somewhat reminiscent of a Spanish bullfighter.

Pain M.D.’s non-broken arm falls into the bath, blood spurting from the stump!

Arm Damage Inflicted: Robert on Pain M.D.: Severed Right Arm!

Do a flying leap at Robert and penetrate his beak with my needle-legs, aiming to cripple it as severely as possible.

…This doesn’t stop the good doctor’s flying leap though, and he continues through the air and right into Robert’s lower body. He pulls his needle-legs out of Robert’s rubbery flesh, and blood spurts out from the stump!

Groin Damage Inflicted: Pain M.D. on Robert: Stabbed Groin!

Competitor Status

Spoiler: Sheb; Robert Canardchiste (click to show/hide)

Name: Robert Canardchiste
Class: Rubber Duck : +1 to damage due to its sturdy beak
Wounds: [45/55] Broken Wings! | Fractured Legs! |Severed Right Arm!
Status: -1 to arm wing based melee, -1 to leg based movement.
Skill: +1 to Damage
Achievements: Holycrapimaduckicanfly!

Spoiler: HmH; Dr. Boo-Boo (click to show/hide)

Name: Dr. Boo-Boo
Class: Doctor Bear
Wounds: [HP:25/55] | Broken Left Arm! | Stabbed Groin!
Status: -2 to arm based actions.
Skill: Qualified in all things medical.
Achievements: First Blood! Miraculous Healer! First Simultaneous Action! Self Surgeon!

Spoiler: MAP OF THE BATH (click to show/hide)

So, now:
Robert is in C3;
Dr. Boo-Boo is in C4;
Let me know if I’ve worked that out wrong.

[Sheb]

"Fichtre! Never again will I be able to practice the Reverse Mexican Turnip in the cabaret of Pigalle! Damn you! (Detail of what the Reverse Mexican Turnip is are left to the reader's imagination.)

Grab Pain M.D.'s face with my beak and press it down on my groin, hopefully humiliating him, drowning him in my blood and stopping the bleeding at the same time.