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[lordcooper]

Life has not been kind to you.  Through a sequence of events out of your control you grew up to be angry, aggressive, passive aggressive, bald, smelly and...well... a bastard.  You live on a small one bedroom apartment.  It is 6 AM and whoever lives above you is playing music just loud enough for you to catch the occasional beat if you really strain your ears.  What do you do?

[Edmus]

Throw a brick through their window then blame the old woman down the street.

[lordcooper]

You live on the fifth floor and probably can't throw a brick that high.  You could try leaning out of your own window and throwing it up, or maybe scaling the building?  They do have a little stained glass window on their door, which adds another option.

[King DZA]

Yes! Scale the building, break someones window, rob their apartment!

[lordcooper]

You grab Derek (your smashing brick) and clamber out of your window, hauling yourself up a drainage pipe.  You smash their window, falling clumsily through it and leaving a few small shards of glass stuck in your arm.  You are in a small bedroom, very similar to your own.  There is a single bed, a cheap laptop, a mini-fridge, and a very startled businessman holding a glass of milk.  You mutter something about an old lady doing it.  The businessman stares at you in shock.  You glare at him.  It occurs to you that you should probably take the lead here.

[Heavy Weapons Pony]

Hope he's christian and declare you are possessed by the devil and the old lady is a Witch!

[lordcooper]

You have never been very good with words and end up spluttering out a load of only semi-connected monosyllabic words.  The businessman retreats to his bathroom and can be heard speaking urgently to someone on the phone.

You have not stolen anything yet.  There are shards of glass in your hand.  The laptop is still playing rather quiet music.  You are a little bit peckish.

[Xantalos]

Go inside, find the guy's pet (or if he has none, then grab some meat from the fridge) and bring it back to the apartement for GRILLING.

[Heavy Weapons Pony]

Don't forget the computer and/or TV + anything else you can grab.

[lordcooper]

You close the laptop and hold it clamped to your side.  There really doesn't seem to be much else worth taking, so you start heading back to your apartment.  As an afterthought, you grab a caged parrot.  It bites your fingers a few times.

You are now in your apartment.  There are shards of glass in your hand, which is also bleeding from the parrot bites.  The laptop is still playing rather quiet music.  You are a little bit peckish.  Your oven broke last week, but you do have a microwave.

[Flying Dice]

Should I be disappointed that I expected this to be about being someone with only one known parent?

[Xantalos]

Put parrot in microwave and if ther is no button marked 'grill', press a random button.

[Heavy Weapons Pony]

Kick the oven for the 100th time to see if that fixes it.

If that doesn't work nom some Microwave Popcorn.

[lordcooper]

You kick the oven a few times.  Somehow this fails to fix it.  You awkwardly snatch the parrot from the cage and force it into the microwave, along with some popcorn.  You set it to grill for three minutes.

There are shards of glass in your hand, which is also bleeding from the parrot bites.  The laptop is still playing rather quiet music.  You are getting pretty hungry now.

Should I be disappointed that I expected this to be about being someone with only one known parent?

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

We can have both!

Your mother lives in the apartment below you.  You never knew your father.

[Edmus]

Prepare the butter to go along with your delicious parrot.
Put some band-aids on your hand as well.