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[Phmcw]

Yeah, that I hope. I was of course referring to the university.

[Stargrasper]

Think a bit more :  "don't get attached to wealth" is a lot harder to follow, and a lot more meaningless when "no money" mean no health care and no education for your kids. So no bigotry here , just that il palazzo come from Europe, and probably didn't think about it this way.

You don't have to pay for education in the US.

What? High school diploma's are meaningless. Scholarships are rare. And student loans bankrupt people.

You don't have to pay for primary education in the US.

So not true...

[UltraValican]

Think a bit more :  "don't get attached to wealth" is a lot harder to follow, and a lot more meaningless when "no money" mean no health care and no education for your kids. So no bigotry here , just that il palazzo come from Europe, and probably didn't think about it this way.

You don't have to pay for education in the US.

What? High school diploma's are meaningless. Scholarships are rare. And student loans bankrupt people.

You don't have to pay for primary education in the US.

So not true...

This, to put a child through school for a semester requires hundreds of dollaras and internet acess.

[Phmcw]

Yeah but that's true everywhere : a kid is a bit expensive in itself (I don't know if you got a payment from the state to pay for their stuff like in Belgium and France, but it hardly cover the costs anyway).

Remember that my point was to relativise what il palazzo said, not to make a debate about America.

[Stargrasper]

Yeah but that's true everywhere : a kid is a bit expensive in itself (I don't know if you got a payment from the state to pay for their stuff like in Belgium and France, but it hardly cover the costs anyway).

Remember that my point was to relativise what il palazzo said, not to make a debate about America.

So you're arguing that we've redefined the word free to mean hundreds of dollars and internet access.  Sounds reasonable.

[Talvara]

I guess I'll live through this, but how long does it take to recover from something like this emotionally? Five years? Then I'll be 35 and have wasted seven years of my life at this shit. I don't think the emotional scars will ever go away; I'll be extremely paranoid now on. I'm a little afraid I'll recover from this all twisted. Become a women-hating recluse, immoral player who avenges on all women what she did to me or something else, perhaps something even worse. I don't know, the fact is, I won't be the same ever again.

Moral of the story is: kids, never trust anyone 100%. Never sacrifice yourself for someone else. NEVER!

I think you have every right to be angry and disappointed, but I think you should give yourself a bit more credit. I don't think you have it in you to become "an immoral player who avenges on all women". you have literally devoted everything you had to a person who you thought needed it desperately. although (in retrospect) irresponsible and foolish, you did what you thought was the right thing to do. and that is respectable.

My father gave me some advice when I was in a 'nasty' relationship where I was making myself miserable. it essentially came down to that "you're only responsible for your own thoughts and happiness, and another person is responsible for their happiness", and "if you want to take care of somebody else, you need to take care of yourself first" (you cant make someone else happy, when you're miserable)

so yeah... Don't sacrifice yourself for other people. but that doesn't mean you have to be completely self centred and live just for yourself, just keep in mind that you are the one responsible for yourself. and if you want to help others, make sure you can afford it.


hang in there, go get your life back and goodluck. -x-

(note I'm 24 and although I've been trough some stuff in my life, I'm in no position to tell you how to think or feel... I'm just trying to share my thoughts)

[Il Palazzo]

Think a bit more :  "don't get attached to wealth" is a lot harder to follow, and a lot more meaningless when "no money" mean no health care and no education for your kids. So no bigotry here , just that il palazzo come from Europe, and probably didn't think about it this way.

My original statement was a bit vague, so let me clarify: I don't think the man has ruined his life, even taking into account the differences in social services between mine and his country.
He's got no family he'd need to support, that would suffer and by extention make him suffer from dissapearing savings. He's still got his job, he's young(presumably healthy) and educated, so barring some unfortunate accidents, there's nothing stopping him from leading happy and fruitful life in the future.

I understand the wounds are still fresh, so there's a need for sympathy to help him cope with the revelations, but in the end there's nothing bad about where he is standing now.
So, Sockman, how about keep that in mind and not let yourself descend into self-inflicted depression and bitterness?

[SalmonGod]

Yeah but that's true everywhere : a kid is a bit expensive in itself (I don't know if you got a payment from the state to pay for their stuff like in Belgium and France, but it hardly cover the costs anyway).

Here the costs compound on themselves.  The only way the state gives you anything for a kid is if your income is below poverty level, which is almost impossible unless you don't have a job at all.  You need to be somewhere in the realm of supporting a four person family on a single minimum wage part-time job to qualify for real financial assistance.  Once you qualify, there's huge social prejudice against people on welfare.  Almost anybody who doesn't know you and your situation personally will automatically assume that you're some pathetic leeching parasite on humanity.  This includes most social workers.  There are some other social programs that provide for very specific things.  There are a couple varieties of food stamps that are easier to get, including one program just for mothers who are pregnant or have children up to five years old that is restricted to certain types of food.  Free health insurance is also fairly easy to get for children up to a certain age.

When you are working, your employer doesn't give you any extra assistance to care for them.  You're considered lucky these days if you get more than a couple paid sick days and a week of vacation a year.  Anything more than that is either a risk to your job security, or protected by the Family Medical Leave Act.  All that does is require your employer to reserve your position for you if you have to take some time away to care for family for a required medical reason, and it pretty much has to be a life on the line or they'll accuse you of abusing the FMLA claim.  I doubt there's a single company out there that chooses to pay for that time.  So if anything bad happens, you not only have to deal with the medical bills, but with losing a chunk of your income as well.  When most families have both parents working to make ends meet, this is a big deal.  There's no way around kids having needs that require you to take time out from work.

And don't even get me started on the Child Free Movement that's gaining momentum right now, and accuses our society of punishing people for not having kids, while granting parents special privileges.

[QuakeIV]

I probably would have considered just killing her on the spot myself.

Assuming this is mostly true you had a remarkably good reaction.

Do note I wouldn't have actually done it but that would have been what I was thinking about.

[Tiruin]

@Sockman or to whomever he is (didn't read anyone elses, went straight to this.):

Before you think that about what just happened, remember yourself before you knew any of that. You were- are, a person who was completely loyal to the person you believed in. You completely cared for that person, and did what was truly right. You moved to great heights to help another person, and in that moment, you did it just because you knew it was right.

Tell me, you are still alive right? Stupid question, yes, but you are. Your life is not ruined as long as you draw breath, you can still act. It is hard at first, just like many things are, but keep to the goal to fix your life-- move along. Put away the thought about your failure for a moment and ponder this: Everyone makes stupid decisions and you aren't alone in that. It's just, we are all ashamed of what we err in that we try to keep it back, to not be judged by others.

But see now, you have the courage to post all that to relative strangers. You did something there, no matter how small it is.

You sought help.

Now, I seem to just be giving nebulous and cliche'd advice to you, moral advice and such, but believe me when I say that I'm saying this fully in truth, no flattery or anything. I'm not condemning you or anything, just sharing what I think may help.

Back on topic, the pain is real. The emotional, physical and mental pain is real.

But pain heals in time, you may hit yourself for what you did now and the hurt may feel like forever, but look ahead. Just take part of your time off to look ahead to the future, you did not give up on her that time; will you give up on yourself now?

You did not get nothing for everything, your life is not ruined because you learned something. Yes, the emotional, physical and mental pain is there; but you also, still are. You overcame your own feelings of suicide. That must mean something right?

Whatever I say here, is just my opinion. If you find any fault in it, throw it away. Just...don't close your mind towards others, as well as to yourself.

If you let what happened change you, then it will. Everything you've done in your life has your choice as the last vote. Some people may be abusive, judgemental jerks; that doesn't mean you are. If you let them change you, then you've lost yourself.

In the end, it is your choice in your life that matters; not hers, not others, Yours.

Remember this, as long as you live, do not give up. Life may be a pain in the neck at times, but there will always be hope.

Do not give up hope.

Do not give up.

You are not anyone else but yourself. You have the last say on your actions.