This account is a sock puppet. I'm using it only once, to create this thread. I'm doing it like this, because my real account can be traced to my identity. I'm not paranoid about you guys tracing me; I don't want people I know casually IRL recognize me if they happen to browse these forums. Not regarding this story. Many of them know my main account after all.
I'm going to tell you a story. It might sound hard to believe. I don't care. It is still a true story.
I'm 30. Highly educated. I've had relationships in the past; I'm not the socially ankward nerd type. Still, I fell in love for the first time two years ago. Really fell in love, shadowing everything I had ever felt for anyone before. She was, to put it in a word, perfect. I felt instantly connected with her on a deep mental and emotional level. It certainly helped that she was gorgeous, perfectly to the shallow aspects of my taste in women. It became a really passionate and burning romance.
Then she got sick. Something vile, dangerous and chronic - let's say cancer in general. Despite having been in a good salaried position, she had been unable to get a health insurance due to pre-existing asthma. Doctors loathe to do much for a person without insurance, even if you have the money to pay. Well, I thought she was the love of my life.
So I started paying for her treatments. First I used all my savings. When they were done, all my income went to her. I sold everything valuable I owned. It reached the point I sometimes literally starved, because I'd rather pay her medical costs than even buy food from my income. All in total, I spent over 25 thousand dollars on her (paying high-risk state insurances, medication, doctor visits and so forth).
Then shit hit the fan. She was raped. I was unable to be with her physically in the time immediately afterwards due to circumstances wildly beyond my control. She said it fucked her up so bad emotionally, she had a two week "relationship" with a male friend. When she confessed a little later, she said he had been just abusing her when she was vulnerable and loved me etc, begged me for a second chance.
Naturally, I felt utterly devastated. Not the cheating in itself - though it is bad - but for the way I was treated after I had always put her first in everything. She begged for a second chance, so I gave her one, but told she'd really need to prove herself to me, sick or not. Yeah, once a cheater always a cheater, but I thought the rape made the circumstances special.
A few months went on, I did some more sacrifices for her. Then a friend of hers contacts me and tells that she has actually been lying to me about some things. I confront her about it. First she denies everything, but after a couple of days of dancing, she comes clean.
That guy that "just abused her" was more than that, she has been in love with him all the time. I've been just a mule that has been used to keep her alive, no matter the cost to me. Plus, in addition to paying for her medical costs, to pay for drugs for his little habit. (Yes, the guy is a junkie to add as a bonus. No, I didn't ask receipts for every single dollar, just for most.) She tells she will marry him now since I'm out of money anyway. The reason she had been trying out again with me was that the guy was thrown into jail. Now that he has got out, she will get together with him. She goes on to try mindfuck me into thinking it is all my fault because of a little lie I told her at one point. Mindfuck fails though.
So yeah... that's my reward for ruining my life to save hers. I know for a fact I saved her life twice by paying for emergency surgeries she had been unable to get otherwise, possible even more times. I have no idea how long that shit has been going on behind my back, but I think it might have gone on even longer than I thought. I mean, they were "good friends" a lot longer. I don't know if the rape even happened, it might have been just an elaborate mindfuck to make me feel bad, since I wasn't around physically at the time. What can I say... I suppose I never really knew her, no matter how connected I felt.
I have no idea what I'm going to do now. I don't have any close friends IRL anymore, I sacrificed my social life to take care of her. I have no family to turn to. This..finale happened a couple of days ago. I felt strongly suicidal for a while, but it is fading. I think I'll manage without killing myself, I hope. I'm glad I don't own a gun anymore, sold that too...
Just feels stupid how I've ruined my life for the sake of someone vile like that. It isn't only the heartbreak that is bothering me. It is how my economical situation is totally shitty because I put her first. It went to the point I sold most of furniture for her sake. So I've ruined my life for nothing. I've bust my credit rating, given up my social life, given up everything for....nothing.
I guess I'll live through this, but how long does it take to recover from something like this emotionally? Five years? Then I'll be 35 and have wasted seven years of my life at this shit. I don't think the emotional scars will ever go away; I'll be extremely paranoid now on. I'm a little afraid I'll recover from this all twisted. Become a women-hating recluse, immoral player who avenges on all women what she did to me or something else, perhaps something even worse. I don't know, the fact is, I won't be the same ever again.
Moral of the story is: kids, never trust anyone 100%. Never sacrifice yourself for someone else. NEVER!