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[Monkeyfacedprickleback]

When I was just into year 8, around 12 years old, I lived in a rural town, And on the way home there was a large horse paddock, surounded by an electric fence. One day I walked Home with some "friends" who dared me to ride the horse. after a great deal of coaxing/teasing I gave in and climbed over the fence. Fun fact. Horses do NOT like strangers. It flipped out, and started screaming, and rearing. Deciding That I wanted none of that I ran to the fence, (my "Friends had Pissbolted outa there earlier.) And tried to Vault over it. That didnt go so well. I got shocked fell onto the fence and got shocked again. At the time I was convinced the horse was going to kill me, Which may sound silly but seriously Hourses are huge and this one looked really pissed. Since the horse wasn't actually chasing me or anything I managed to climb over the fence and stumble back to my house.

And as a case of general stupidity on the part of everyone in my family, As a kid my divorced father took me and my three siblings up to the largest steepest hill in the area and gave us cardboard boxes. We would then flatten the cardboard And slide down the entire hill, My dad would drive down to the bottom in his car an take us back to the top. The hill was about 500-600 metres (it looked like a straight kilometer or two when I was a kid) Started Covered in grass and went a cut down shrub land before ending in dirt and rock. It's a wonder Nobody got hurt. Thinking on it now I wonder if my dad had any kind of insurance policy.

We also used to have "fruit wars" in my high school where all the boys from year 7-8 and all the boys from 9-10 would throw The fruit from their lunches, It was pretty brutal. Apples oranges and unripe lime hurt the most. I think a few kids had to go to hospitol. I know at least one Kid broke his nose from a well aimed apple. It hit  the high point for me when two kids brought in Potato cannons.  The teachers found out and had those two suspended. THen they called a special assembly to yell at us, but we all just found it funny.

[Yoink]

Well, I once decided to cook some frozen pizza squares for my lunch, this is back a few years. This was fairly routine, so I just shoved some foil in over the top oven tray, chucked the pizza slices on, shut the door and turned 'er on, then went off and waited.
So, after a while (I was most probably sitting next to the oven, reading a book) I notice smoke coming out. My first thought is probably, "Oh no, I left them in too long!" I do stuff like that often, losing track of time. So I open the oven. I can't imagine WHAT my expression would've looked like, but it would've been quite amusing, as bright orange flames started licking hungrily out... With an 'oh shit' I carefully close it, take a deep breath or two, decide against chucking water on it and head out to the other room where my mother was on the computer.
Keeping my expression as calm as possible, I go up and say, "Uh, Mum, the oven's on fire."
Unfortunately, my (outwardly) calm demeanour meant that she didn't quite believe me at first, thinking it was some kindof joke. So it was some time before she actually came out to have a look, opened the oven and YEP, IT'S ON FIRE.

Turns out it was lucky I hadn't thrown water on the flames, since the source of the fire was the GREASE TRAY I'd left on the lower shelf, complete with lamb fat and baking paper... Still, the element in the oven was ruined, or something like that, and it cost a bit to fix. Everything smelt bad for a while, too, almost as bad as that time I wanted a toasted cheese sandwich but was too lazy to use the frypan, and decided to shove the bread in the toaster WITH THE CHEESE ON IT. Oh god, so much of my stupidity is cooking-related! D:

And then the time I wanted to make my 2-minute noodles blue, poured food colouring in, accidentally burnt them and ended up with a cooking pot coated with crisp, foul-looking blue noodles.

[shadenight123]

First thing:
GOD has a special sign on me stating "do not kill him".

That said, first thing:

at Six years old, coming out from school, my mother wasn't there to pick me up. (i say six years old, but it was like 2-3 elementary school) so, i think "maybe she's behind that pole" "maybe she's behind that lamp-post" "maybe she's behind that curve".
long story short, i traversed half of Montecarlo (when i was young my father worked there, so we had a small house), passing under the tunnel by the port, crossing the road not once, but twice, in the two worst spots to cross (shortly after a curve) and yet arrived, after crossing the road once more, to home safe and sound, knocking on the door and saying "i'm home".

My mother still recalls that day saying "god and the saints bless childrens and fools"

second thing:

when i was eleven, after seeing a religious based film (in italy, you usually get more than one per month) about jesus walking on the water, i had that idea to try it out.
Trip to the park, with my younger brother behind, and in said park there's this circled pool. it's shallow mostly, and in winter it nearly freezes, with slippery leafs and the like falling inside.
Now, i start asking my mother "CAN I GO IN!?" "no" "CAN I GO IN!?" "no" "CAN I GO IN!?" "yes" she didn't think i'd do it.
problem was i did.
i jumped right in after a while, and made it to the center of the pool, sadly understanding i couldn't be the son of god. There i stopped for a while pondering, before making my way to the other side, (it was in the middle of january). Never have i received so much motherly spanks as during the travel from the park to home. Really.

Third thing:

It was mother day, and i kind of wanted to make my mother a gift. So, since i knew she liked to drink coffee, one morning i woke up really early, and took the coffee pot.
Now. Since i had no idea how it worked, i figured it would be sort of like making tea.
I placed the water on the upper part, the coffee in the bottom, and placed it on the fire and waited.
And waited.
And waited.
Half an hour later i lookd at the water and found it blackish.
so i took it off and placed it, with great care, on the wooden table.
The amount of smoke, steam, and the rest which happened when the bottom hot coffee pot touched the table is left to immagination, the "mark" of the coffee pot stayed as a circle for the next years.

because i can.

[MaximumZero]

One time, I decided to ambush my brother and sister with a fire extinguisher. We were 12 (me), 10 and 9 at the time. I laughed, they got my parents, and I cleaned it all up. After earning a two week grounding, my sister tackled me and held me down while my brother lit my hair on fire.

Good times.

[shadenight123]

I once decided that my index finger was able to stop a metal gate from closing.
Luck avoided me an unorthodox amputation.

not once though, twice.

Second time there was this oven in the kitchen, old oven, which was a little bit broken on the part where there are the various buttons, spins, and so on.

You could press against the plastic and it would bend backwards.
Revealing the circuitry.
it made a nice "creaK" sound too.

so there i was, pushing the thing forward and backward.
until i simply stuck my right hand in there.

and nobody was home.

they came back an hour later, to see me crying and ranting for help because i was stuck and god had it started to hurt.
and i couldn't sit down because i wasn't that tall and with long arms. so yeah. worst hour of my life.

[olemars]

When I was like 3, I saw my dad shaving and I was like "wow that's so rad" and tried it out. I ended up flaying most of the skin off the front of my chin, leaving it bright red in many of my old photos. Skin's still a bit rough around there to this day.

On that certain day on a certain year, SirAaron at the age of 3 became a man, a achievement among the manly men.

I remember in primary school, one of my friends came into class wearing a baseball cap pulled down so far it was almost covering his eyes. He refused to take it off, so someone naturally snatched it away, revealing the lad was missing one eyebrow.

He'd been curious about his dad's razor and found out it worked really well.

[Yoink]

Ooh, I got one! Where I used to live, we had a couple of old disused watertanks (open-topped) in the backyard, as well as one still in use. One was used for storing firewood, and the other had just been sitting there empty for some time.
I had a friend visiting, and we had the bright idea of climbing into the empty one and running in it, doing an impersonation of rats in a wheel. So we're speeding back and forth across the yard, propelling this tank along with our feet, falling over repeatedly as we flattened various plants, knocking shit over and battering the chook pen, until my older brother told us to stop.
Then we sat around for a while, arguing over what to do, until he went out. Then it was on, this time we were serious! We had just decided to try and steer it out of the backyard and see how far we could go when we SLAMMED into a large tree, bouncing up and down and rattling around inside. Then the rusty old metal started to buckle in the middle, which could have ended very badly... Luckily my friend was rather taller and stronger than the young me, and held the thing up as I made my escape before diving out himself as the whole thing collapsed and fell over noisily.

Another time, a few years on with the other friend I mentioned, the one with the broken arms, (Edit: Err, he didn't have broken arms at the time, obviously... ) we wanted to build a go-kart to celebrate our love of rolling down hills on dangerous contraptions. Unfortunately, our grand plans involving roll-cages, converted shopping trolleys and pedal systems sorta hit a wall with the realization we had no welder, nor the money to hire one.
So, we settled for just getting an old, battered pram, adding a wooden plank to sit on, and then rolling down the BIGGEST DAMN HILL WE COULD FIND.
The thing had no steering whatsoever, and the brake was a wooden fencepost jammed in the side. My friend and I took turns to sit on the kart, whilst the other rolled down the hill behind him on a cheap wooden skateboard, the back end of it broken off from previous adventures, and kicked the wheels of the pram to 'steer' it.
Well, it was fun, I must say! But as we started to gain speed, bad things happened... At first, not going too fast, I was on the kart when we crashed over a small curb and into a garden. I was rather proud of my mid-air acrobatics, diving out of the thing and to one side as it smashed into a tree.
Then, a bit later and on a MUCH LARGER HILL, I was on the skateboard on steering duty and my buddy was on the kart/pram. We were gaining speed pretty fast, and I was desperately kicking the kart's wheels to try and steer it around a long corner at the bottom of the tree... But the shitty skateboard was going waaay too fast, and started fishtailing all over the street. I managed to control it for a while, steering the thing with my HANDS (skinning the palms in the process!) whilst still keeping up the steering, but eventually the thing just shot out from under me, I crashed to the ground and could only watch in horror as my friend continues on down this rather large, steep hill...

I fully expected him to get horribly injured, especially with his track record, but somehow, with ABSOLUTELY NO STEERING he just happened to be going in a straight line and hit a driveway rather than the high curb at the bottom of the slope. He went up, over a nature strip and then back down another concrete ramp, completely unharmed. Amusingly, I was the worse injured of the two.

[Loud Whispers]

Ah, the repressed memories are flowing back now xD

I clearly remember now, this was back in primary school (English equivalent of an elementary school), and a wasp's nest had taken up residence in our playground, which for some reason had a fenced off pond area. (Really big playground - or so the school boasted).
I hadn't noticed, but then someone heard the buzzing, saw the colony, and promptly alerted the stalwart and the foolish.
[Yup, that included me.]
We climbed over the fence and pelted the wasp nest (which was wedged in between two large stone boulders-built like a fortress), got chased away by very VERY angry wasps and had to climb over the fence to safety. It's a good thing we all had pretty rabbit like agility back then ;P

Anyways, cue the angry teachers telling everyone to stay away from the wasps or ELSE!!!!

So yeah. We decide to up our campaign of wasp eviction, more rocks, more dirt, someone even hurled burger king at the nest, and in the end the wasp nest was destroyed, 3 people hospitalised (one being my friend who failed to climb over the fence in time), and I got off without a single sting

[Telgin]

I feel like I haven't done enough stupid things in my life.

The worst thing I can think of off hand was the time I tried to grab a knife from my brother's hand.  By the blade.  I still can't figure out why I did that, but I've got the scar to remind me of my folly.

Nope, can't think of anything else.  Hmm.

[Loud Whispers]

I feel like I haven't done enough stupid things in my life.

One does not simply stupid into life.

[MonkeyHead]

I will summarize my moments of brilliant stupidity to prevent posting a too large text wall.

Fire football. Leather coated with petrol. Burny.

Deoderant can missiles - punching holes in aluminium plate inches from my face.

150kV electrostatic lifter. Forgetting the tether. Fizzlepopbang.

Lacking most of my upper teeth thanks to having the great idea of mountainbiking in a building half demolished.

Failing at tethering a boat, resulting in the boathook (8 ft spar with iron hooked head) hitting me in the face, knocking me out and causing me to fall into at least 8 foot of canal mud.

Buying an icecream from an actual monkey on the streets of Izmir, Turkey. 3 weeks of intestinal parasites and explosive digestive discomfort.

Falling through the roof of my house carrying an old water butt (iron, lead), down into the upstairs bedroom through a few layers of plaster, woodwork and masonry. Painful.

Playing rock tag in school. Oh, and comulsory danger hide and seek, which involved hiding in mains electricity transformers, motorway drains and sewer run offs.

Attempting to re-wire my kitchen lights without isolating them from the mains supply first. Cheap screwdrivers melt quite easily.

I am sure I have missed some... if so I might edit them in later.

[shadenight123]

monkey head...pardon the question...
what where you thinking by taking an icecream from a real monkey?
in turkey?
from a monkey?
a real monkey?

[MonkeyHead]

It was hot, and I really wanted an ice cream. It was blue and had sprinkles...

[Loud Whispers]

what where you thinking by taking an icecream from a real monkey?

TEH MEMORY HAS BEEN UNLOCKED

This happened in Malaysia along a jogging trail. Apparently there were monkeys there. I found this to be true. They block the trail, and my sister decides to give them some peas. The Alpha male growls at some of the monkeys and takes their peas - I begin shouting at the monkey, and we have a growl off, which I win (HELL YEAH). Damn monkeys don't know how to share. Afterwards, I realise I nearly got into a fight with a monkey

It was hot, and I really wanted an ice cream. It was blue and had sprinkles...

Uhh.... And on the same day there was someone selling ice cream. I don't want to know to that day why the vanilla was black. And I mean tar-black.

What is it with monkeys and poisonous ice cream?

[MonkeyHead]

They dont use soap.