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[acetech09]

Ever seen the SyFy show 'Sanctuary'?

If you have, you'd be chuckling about the vampire nobility posts.

If you haven't, you'd still be chuckling, but for different reasons.

[Necro910]

Yo necro, I heard you liked memes, so I put memes in yo-SHUT UPS ALREADY D:

So I herd u liek moar memez? 

[Loud Whispers]

D:

Ah well, all's necro ends magma.

Besides, I am going to have TOO MUCH fun purging all of the vampires with the dwarven inquisition.

Or maybe put them in my nature reserve.... Goblins running for their lives with Baby Dwarf Vampires crawling on the roof....

[Oliolli]

All I can say here is...

nothing

[Loud Whispers]

Not  you too oli D:

I swear, someone has to chronicle the memes that regularly sweep through this forum, they come without number

[acetech09]

Ok... I have devised numerous strategies for determining vampire characteristics in dwarves:

1. Drop the dwarf in question in a glass window box in a room full of masterwork meals and excellent booze, and filled with useless migrants gorging themselves. After 15 minutes, release the dwarf in the cage.

2. Make sheep wool cloaks, trousers, caps, dyed with redroot dye, and wooden training spears. Assign a militia squad with that uniform and those weapons. They will naturally find vampires.

3. Construct a dual-pressure-plate system where the dwarf in question walks down a hallway. Make a pressure plate which can be triggered by dwarves only. If your dwarf walks across the pressure plate without setting it off due to being too light (esp. if the dwarf is the weight of a certain avian creature, say, a duck), then you can be 100% sure that the dwarf isn't of the magical variety.

[ThatAussieGuy]

Identify it, draft it into the militia and danger room it up to Legendary.  Then give it a fancy red coat and hat before having it sealed away in a small room on it's own deep in the fortress for the day it is needed to kill other monsters.

Alucard is not amused.

You're just jealous you didn't think of it first

[Quietust]

Once upon a time, a dwarf was attacked by a vampire bird.
He was sucked to death.
The vampire bird killed him at last.

VAMPIRE BAT!
VAMPIRE BAT!

... wait, what were we talking about?

[Ifeno]

does this mean we can have military kill random people now?  Because that would be HILARIOUS!

[ASCIt]

Identify it, draft it into the militia and danger room it up to Legendary.  Then give it a fancy red coat and hat before having it sealed away in a small room on it's own deep in the fortress for the day it is needed to kill other monsters.

Alucard is not amused.

You're just jealous you didn't think of it first

Yes. Yes I am...

[Sutremaine]

I hope vampires can feed off each other

[Itnetlolor]

If you see a sparkling dwarf, he's either legendary, on fire, or is potentially a Twilight caste vampire. If the latter, proper procedure requires you make him the second option ASAP, or at least as a beacon.

In any other cases, a vampire military, I can imagine their battlecry:
"WE'RE GOING TO SUCK... YOUR BLOOD!"

[ThatAussieGuy]

Identify it, draft it into the militia and danger room it up to Legendary.  Then give it a fancy red coat and hat before having it sealed away in a small room on it's own deep in the fortress for the day it is needed to kill other monsters.

Alucard is not amused.

You're just jealous you didn't think of it first

Yes. Yes I am...

If it makes you feel better, I forgot to add training him to be an expert marksdwarf

[Girlinhat]

does this mean we can have military kill random people now?  Because that would be HILARIOUS!

In fact, it appears that you can order the military to deliver a beating to -whoever you want- after a vampire bite!

[King DZA]

Someday, you will have to choose. You will have to choose who's side you're on, what you're going to live for, what you're going to die for. You'll have to choose, Vampires, Dwarves or Lycan's.

Also, Vampire paratroop squadron ftw! (Retractable drawbridge overlooking your entrance....)

But I just want them all to live in peace and harmony under my benevolent yet assertive rule.

And how will you do that with constant blood donations required? You want peace? The vampires want blood. The dwarves are out to get their blood. And magma is now flooding your fortress.

It's them or us £:<

I will find a way! For I am King DZA,(self proclaimed)ruler of everything, and goddamn it I will have a peaceful realm of of brotherly kindness and cooperation! All across this utopia, my control will be absolute!! MY WILL SHALL GO UNCHALLENGED AS A CRAFT REALITY ITSELF INTO A MASTERPIECE SO BRILLIANT, EVEN THE GODS WILL BE PUT TO SHAME!! AND ALL WHO DARE OPPOSE ME IN THIS ENDEAVOR SHALL LOATHE THE DAY THEY CAME INTO EXISTENCE!! THEY WILL CLAW DESPERATELY AT THE GROUND, IN AN ATTEMPT TO REACH THE DEEPEST PITS OF HELL IN THE HOPES THAT I CANNOT FIND THEM, BECAUSE THEY KNOW THAT ARMOK, THE BLOOD GOD HIMSELF WOULD CRINGE AT THE MERE THOUGHT OF THE SUFFERING I WILL BRING UPON THEM!

I WILL ACHIEVE ULTIMATE POWER. AND WITH IT, I WILL CREATE THE PERFECT WORLD!!!

So yeah, vampires...