Tuesday: 0906 hours. Coldthrower on the boss!
You sprint across the office to the boss, currently hovering in the air above Ryan, and unleash your coldthrower as you get into range. But you slip [1] and freeze your own foot!
Damage Inflicted: 2hp! Foot frozen!
...Seeing as insanity is fueled by sadness and unhappy thoughts (which were provided by the madwoman) Powder Woodcutter is more enraged than ever! He grabs the chainsaw with his other arm aND BERSERKCUTTER SLASHES EVVEERYYYYTHIGN!
Mighty Beserk Enragement Activate: [2]! As you start to calm down, you grab the chainsaw with your other arm and
BERSERKCUTTER'S SLASH! everything in sight! First you
BERSERKCUTTER'S SLASH! Alex Klag [3v2] and slice off his arm! Then you
BERSERKCUTTER'S SLASH! a desk! It resists the chainsaw! Wait, isn't it a chainsaw handle anyway? That would be why!
Damage Inflicted: 7hp! Sliced off
Alex Klag's arm!
Danny boggles in amazement at the results of his frantic summoning, frantically tugging the chair-handle to keep himself a safe distance up in the air from the newly-summoned herd of death.
"...Wow." Is about as eloquent as he can manage at first.
"...Uh, uh, attack! Sic 'em, guys!" He jabs a finger towards the looming Bruce Halford, then pitches a paperweight at him for emphasis.
You throw a masterwork hefty paperweight at Bruce Halford, CEO, which strikes him in the face!
Damage Inflicted: 3hp!
You point at your victim and hope to direct the dinoroboterminatoraptors towards him, but they're uncontrollable! They start looking hungry. They very close. They're staring at you!
Tracy screams out, "I just had that ear sewed back on you bastard! She flies into an Unholy Bitch Rage and climbs the Robosaurus Rex until she reaches its brain, which she then scratches with her manicured nails.
Unholy Bitch Rage: UBERACTIVATE! [6] Enraged to an unholy degree, you climb the ROBOSAURAUS REX and scratch its brain! Your nails pierce [6+
Unholy Bitch Rage Uberactivation Multiplier Bonus!] its brainfolds! You scoop out huge dribbly chunks of grey stuff! Its eyes glaze over! It is struck down! You froth at the mouth!
Damage Inflicted: 141hp!
Achievement Unlocked! First kill!
Achievement Unlocked! Dinoslayer!
Alex just watches the carnage and continues to try and fix this teleporter by staring at it.
Watching what's going on, you stop to stare at your teleporter in an attempt to fix it. It works [5]! Then the crazy dude slices off your arm with the sharpened handle of a chainsaw! Not the one with a machine gun on it though, so I guess that's ok.
Sliding headfirst under Brucebot's legs, Ryan activates xerox of doom onto Bruce distracting the boss immensely.
As Mr Halford looms over you you remote activate
the Xerox of Doom on his ass, yep, the one you just threw at him. He forgets what he's doing! He decides to ring his mother! He forgets to stand up! He falls to the ground [6]!
... ... ... ... ... ...
“Hello mother. Yes, I know. I do try, but I'm a very busy ma-arrrrrgh!”
Bruce Halford tries to stand, but is too [2] distracted!
“Rawwwrrrrrrrrrrr!”
The ENTIRE HERD OF VELOCITERMINATORS runs towards the fallen Halford, attempting to chew his arms and legs off. They chew right through the armour on his left arm! They gnaw [5] it to pieces! The great man is in slight pain!
Damage Inflicted: 8hp! Arm chewed off!
… … … … … …
Items: Science equipment, Cold thrower
Hit points: 23
Wounds: Frozen left foot.
Morale: -5
Failure Rating: 17.
Abilities: Adventure Mode Travel! ,
InventLocation: SW Corner
Items: Hand axe, hacksaw, chainsaw handle
Hit points: 19
Wounds: No legs, no right arm
Morale: -10
Failure Rating: 47.
Abilities: No-Legged Dwarven Murderer Rage! ,
Pray to the Lever God! ,
BERSERKCUTTER'S SLASH!Location: Centre
Items: Half a bagel, two oversized & oversharpened cheese graters, electric pencil sharpener, bunch of masterwork hefty paperweights
Hit points: 25
Wounds: None
Morale: -5
Failure Rating: 20.
Abilities: Mighty Power!, Robot-Dinosaur summoning.
Location: SW Corner
Items: Hairspray and LighterHit points: 24
Wounds: Smashed up face, only one ear
Morale: -13
Failure Rating: 42.
Abilities: Head Smasher!, Mental Ability:
Crazy Bitch!Location: NW Corner
Items: GenCorp Science Portal Gun, Armour-plated crotch, faulty GenCorp Stealth generator, teleporter, arm-mounted machine gun (possibly infinite ammo)
Hit points: 18
Wounds: Left arm sliced off! Not the machine gun one though don't worry!
Morale: -8
Failure Rating: 5.
Abilities: Death Glare! ,
BREAKAGE OF TEH PHYSICS!,
BRIGHT PINKLocation: Centre
Items: The Xerox of Doom! . A dozen ready-printed newsletters
Hit points: 21
Wounds: No eyebrows
Morale: 8
Failure Rating: 4.
Abilities: Schadenfreude!,
CHILDHOOD PAIN! Location: SW Corner
Items: Mech-suit, flamethrowers x 2, Eyes of Doom
Hit points: 89 (including mech-suit)
Wounds: Left arm chewed off!
Morale: 0
Failure Rating: -100.
Abilities: Daughter Summoning! Death Grip! CEO and Overlord! Submission Drone Commander!
Location: Directly above you! And in the SW corner!
Items: Huge teeth, deadly claws, stompy feet
Hit points: -55?
Wounds: None
Morale: 0
Failure Rating: -100.
Abilities: Biting the Crap Out of You, Tearing the Crap Out of You, Stomping the Crap Out of You.
Location: A better place.
Items: Sharp teeth, sharp claws
Hit points: 86
Wounds: None
Morale: 0
Failure Rating: -100.
Abilities: Biting You to Bits, Tearing You to Shreds, Some Kind of Strange Metallic-y Regeneration Shape Changing Thing I Don't Know it's Been Ages Since I Saw That But Don't You Basically Have to Melt Them in a Furnace? Any Ideas?
Location: SW Corner
Author
Topic: Roll to Work at GenCorp! Tuesday: The End: A New CEO. (Read 64897 times)