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[Humaan]

(Thank you random spambot for giving us this game!)

This is a continuation of the random topic which a spambot gave us, which we turned into a suggestion game. Requesting Darvi to COMMENCE DATA DUMP.


Please note that I myself is not a spambot, so please don't make any assumptions based on the title.

[Darvi]

OOooh! A spambot suggestion game!

Tell the spambot who is posting dragon porn to stop

Ooh, a 4X game!

Put all Research money into hyperdrive. Build colony ship and send to Arcturus.

No, we should invest everything in [insert current bubble here]!

No, we should invest everything in [insert current bubble here]!

He wants you to synergise your upstream to regain control of the bottom streams, this will allow you to effectively maintain your market prescence

>Conan grabs the sword from the altar

The construction of a Colony Ship has begun on Earth
Time until completion: Three years.

Conan has acquired a new item: The Sword of Rey (+10 to melee rolls)

Spoiler: Planetary Status (click to show/hide)

Earth (capital)
Population: 10 000 000 000
Happiness: 98 (Ecstatic)
Loyalty: 100 (Loyal)
Currently constructing Colony Ship (three years until completion)
Resources ready: 99 700
Resources available: 100 000 000

Spoiler: Leaders (click to show/hide)

Governor Conan of Earth.
Strength=45
Intelligence=68
Perception=66
Charisma=81
Will=57

Unique Items: The Sword of Rey (+10 to melee rolls)

Spoiler: Overall Status (click to show/hide)

Overall Resources ready: 99 700,
Overall Resources available: 100 000 000
Planets: 1
Leaders: 1
Popularity: 100%
Galactic Monetary Units: 0

Conan grabs the stone of immortality, and swallows it.

>Conan: Survey surroundings.

[random prophet] announce the comming of Bricevies, powerful demon associated with forecasters and greed. Beware its [molten gold breath] and its forked tongue!

Oh god I can't believe that someone seriously turned a spambot topic into a game.  Free forex indicator:The game.  Create a scout ship while we wait for the colony ship to be completed.  Research more efficient construction methods.

Best Derailing Ever

The construction of a Colony Ship has begun on Earth
Time until completion: Three years.

Conan has acquired a new item: The Stone Of Immortality (see below)

Spoiler: Planetary Status (click to show/hide)

Earth (capital)
Population: 10 000 000 000
Happiness: 96 (Ecstatic)
Loyalty: 100 (Loyal)
Currently constructing
-Colony Ship (three years until completion)
Resources ready: 102 900
Resources needed: 100 000 000
-Scout Ship (one month until completion)
Resources ready: 2 800
Resources needed: 35 000

Spoiler: Leaders (click to show/hide)

Governor Conan of Earth.
Strength=45
Intelligence=68
Perception=66
Charisma=81
Will=57

Unique Items:
-The Sword of Rey (+10 to melee rolls)
-The Stone Of Immortality (+1d10+8 HP recovery per turn, even if dead, unless head is separated from lower body.)

Spoiler: Overall Status (click to show/hide)

Overall Resources used: 105 700 / 100 000 000 000 (total resources available on Earth)
Planets: 1
Leaders: 1
Popularity: 100%
Galactic Monetary Units: 0

EDIT: Technologies:
-Hyperdrive 80% (progress: 1% per week)
-Construction methods 1% (progress: 1% per month) (yes, all budget is on hyperdrive!)

Train soldiers and recruit military.

>Intergalactic spambot corporation, send your herald Bricevies to earth to inform the humans that their planet has been purchased and can expect an invasion fleet to arrive in 2 and 1/2 years

Begin construction of the Replicators from Stargate

>Get Ye Flask

>Dennis

Order all civilians to strip naked.

I love you all.

>eat fried egg

>Be the Guy.

> Make Darvi president of Earth

You have failed your mission, Time Agent Conan. Darvi became president of Earth. All life and beauty was exterminated in his iron rule. The Derping of the Human Race had begun...the future refused to change...

THE END

>quit
>run Free4Xindicator.exe

Today dawns a new age of glory and progress. Your people have vested complete authority in you, trusting you to lead them to greatness and beyond. Through your careful management and foresight, may your civilization endure!

Ruler Name: _ {Randomize}
Civ Name: _ {Randomize}
Race Stats: _ {Randomize}
Culture Stats: _ {Randomize}
Description: _ {Randomize}
Era: _ {Randomize}

>Randomize all of them.

Generating new game....

Ruler Name: Lord Winklefist
Civ Name: The Imperium of Cheese
Race Stats:  +10 to food production, -10 to military might
Culture Stats: +5 art, -5 poetry
Description: The Cheese Imperials are known to soft and yellow.
Era: PostApocalypticMechaVictorianSteampunk

>Build a giant mecha-blimp with cheese-rocket launchers, with big brass loudspeakers reciting poetry.

You lack the required technologies! You construct a rather obese mech with low-level rocket launchers nonetheless.

Military Units
Obsese Cheese Walker (2/1/4/1)

Train a squad of Poetry Preachers

Your use of cheese and poetry based weaponry is controversial, to say the least.

The World Court demands that it's awesome hippie inspectors access to your strategic stocks of impressionable young female poets, and demands 50% of your cheese weapon disarmament.

Do you agree to the demands??

>n

Bad news sire! The World Courts armies are amassing on our borders!

Current Military Force

Obsese Cheese Walker (2/1/4/1)
Poetry Preacher Brigades (1/1/2/1)

VS

Enemy attacking Force

Spidermecha steam driven cyborg brain-in-a-jars 9/9/9/9
Teams of Elite Psionic Cat Assassins 8/7/6/9
El Nacho Gigante ?/?/?/?
Glockenspiel Berzerkers 6/6/6/9


How does our military deploy?

Quickly cobble together an ultra spicy cheese bomb

Arm the peasants! Bribe them with cheese! Remember, no more cheese if the imperium falls!

Wow, this place doesn't have a mod or anything to close/delete bad threads? Oh well, may as well jump on the bandwagon while I can.

>Activate the Forex Indicator to wipe them all out!

Your efforts are unsuccessful-El Nacho Gigante holds up that amount of cheese easily, and delivers it to his waiting master in the sky, only to be replaced by another not soon after.

The Forex indicator takes your money, but does not activate, citing your disregared for synergyzing your bottom streams.

...

Battle Results
Obsese Cheese Walker-DESTROYED
Poetry Preacher Brigades-ROUTED
Peasant Brigade-ROUTED

Our kingdom has fallen! Should we sue for peace?

>Grab the nearest Forex Indicator and use it to make large sums of cheese, then bribe the other countries to stop fighting you.

>Plant secret Cheese Agents in the cities loyal to the World Court, and have them further our Cheesey agendas!

WaitWaitWaitWaitWaitWaitWait

I have a bit of a problem with something here. Poetry is art. We should have a -10 to art over all.

I think he meant the more narrow sense of "paintings" or similar. I mean, technically you could call anything art.

I think he meant the more narrow sense of "paintings" or similar. I mean, technically you could call anything art.

-∞ to everything!

>Plant secret Cheese Agents in the cities loyal to the World Court, and have them further our Cheesey agendas!

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Unfortunately, your war plans are cut off when a great orb appears in the sky!

The AntiCheese, a coalition of races led by the ruthless El Nacho Gigante and united against coagulated dairy products of all kinds, has spent the last 50 turns researching the Hyperdrive and Planetary Destruction tech trees, and have now discovered your race!

They issue an ultimatum - disband your armies and cease all research in the Lactose tech tree, or they will fire the main cannon of their ship, the Casu Marzu, utterly destroying you.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Lord Winklefist frowns at the heavens. Aliens dictating terms to humans? Abolishing cheese? No. THIS WILL NOT STAND!

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

He departs his office and ascends in his personal Cheesemech, the Camembert, to face this menace. For his is the will that will curdle the Milky Way!

This thread just got epic!

This thread just got epic!

ULTRA CHEESE BUSTER

Use Level three Speed-maturing pogo cheddar-chicken-kick!!!

LEVEL 999 ULTRA CHEESE BUSTER

Fixed

This is the Cheese that will cheese the heavens!

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Who the hell do you think we are?! We are Tengen Toppa Cheese Lagann!

Giiiiigaaaaa... Cheeeeeseeeee... Breeeeeaaaaak!

Really should stop re-watching Gurren Lagann.

Someone should preserve this thread somewhere for Posterity

Before we continue this thread, remember to pray.
Thank you spambot for giving us this thread.  praise spambot._{praise free forex indicator.}

Whoof! This took me a while. 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Use Level three Speed-maturing pogo cheddar-chicken-kick!!!

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

The Casu Marzu, detecting your approach, deploys a fleet of Tofu Fighters! Tofu is a powerful AntiCheese technology, supposedly able to mimic the qualities of any other tech tree. You can't afford to underestimate these just because they're not actual cheese.

Lord Winklefist, his giant brain working furiously, deduces the optimal tactic for use againt this enemy in mere moments.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Level III Speed-Maturing Pogo Cheddar-Chicken-KIIIIIIICK!!!

The innate time-condensation of this move ages the carapace of your CheeseMech a hundred years in just seconds!

+2150 DEFENSE!

The Tofu fighters shots are consumed by the energy wake you emit as you rocket forth like some sort of space-cheese Kool-Aid Man, destroying all in your path.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

The result is devastating, to say the least.

The Casu Marzu, determining Lord Winklefist and the Camembert to be the greater threat, turns its main cannon in your direction. It looks instants away from firing.

LEVEL 999 ULTRA CHEESE BUSTER

Fixed

Yes, this looks like a job for your ultimate finishing move. But you need to get into the proper mindset. You can't just go using finishing moves all willy-nilly! That would be improper protocol!

First you need to dedicate a poem to the occasion.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Hmmm... Let's see... How about this:

When aliens diminish cheese luster,
And ordinary attacks don't pass muster,
It's crystal to see,
One must decree,
It's time for ULTRA CHEESE BUSTEEEEEERRRR!!!!!!

-12 POETRY!

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Yes, that should be quite adequate.

Behold, the Power of Cheese!

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

In response, the Casu Marzu fires its own beam.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Even in space, you could hear the torrential energies of these two impossible attacks clashing in a crescendo of screaming fury.

The two attacks appear evenly matched, and the build-up of power threatens to destroy the entire solar system!

NOOOOOO!  You can do it cheesebot!  You can win!

LEVEL 999 ULTRA CHEESE BUSTER

Fixed

An alternative ending to Cerol's much better path!


The heavens are riding on this one final attack from cheesebot. You must do everything you can to stop the Casu Marza!

ULTRRAAAAAA

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

CHEEEEEEESSSSEEEEE

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

BUSSSSTTTTTTEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRRRRRR

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

El Nacho Gigante: NNNNNNYYYAAAARRRGGGGHHHHHHHH

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

CONGRATURATIONS, THE EARTH IS SAVED!

> Give it 120 % Cheesebot! Contain the explosion with your Cheeseshield!

Oh my god.

This is the best topic ever.

> Make Darvi president of Earth

> Make Darvi president of Earth

Veto.

Anything below God Emperor is below me.

You have failed your mission, Time Agent Conan. Darvi became president of Earth. All life and beauty was exterminated in his iron rule. The Derping of the Human Race had begun...the future refused to change...

THE END

Darvis trying to get us game over again! D:

>You still aren't the Guy. Be him dammit!

No, despite the lack of direct input references in this update, I'm not ignoring your posts/suggestions. This is just neccessary setup. 

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Argh! Their power! It's overwhelming! You'd deploy your Cheeseshield if you thought it'd do any good, but the energies involved passed the maximum tolerance threshhold long ago.

The energy sphere grows larger and larger. It is minutes away from growing large enough to consume Lord Winklefist and the Camembert entirely. Assuming it doesn't reach critical mass and destroy the solar system first.

You need a stronger mech! But the Camembert is top-of-the-line, state-of-the-art cheese technology! It doesn't come any stronger than this!

DRAMATIC SCENE CHANGE!

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Meanwhile, on the planet below, one of the Imperium's brightest toils away in the Research Farms, attempting to upgrade the Lactose tech tree. Should he manage to do so, the effects will instantly propagate to all the Imperium's Cheese-based forces, causing the effects to be felt immediately on the battlefield.

He looks somewhat alarmed to be the center of the plot's attention all of a sudden.

What is this bright young fellow's name?

>Hubert Tinker

>Noooo! I WANNA BE THE GUY!

>The Guy

ftfy

Dexter Swirlygig

>The Guy

ftfy

Brilliant :V

Thirded for the "The Guy"

His name is Forex Freeman.

His name is Forex Freeman.

This. I change my suggestion to this.

His name is Forex Freeman.

This. I change my suggestion to this.

X2

> Carve cheese into a truncated cone.

>Explore the mysteries of Quantum Cheese Theory.

I check this thread after ignoring it for about a week and suddenly its the BEST THING EVER!

I'm kinda proud for kinda having started this.

This is awesome.

Anyways, +1 for Forex Freeman

Forgot to mention how awesome Cerol is.

>The Guy

ftfy

Brilliant :V

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

What?!? No! You're not The Guy!

Dexter Swirlygig

His name is Forex Freeman.

This. I change my suggestion to this.

X2

You're Forex Freeman!

Though the kids in grade school did call you 'Swirlygig' when they flushed your head in the toilet, which was often.

You're nowhere near manly enough to be called 'The Guy!' Why, we haven't even touched the Manliness tech tree!

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Though, come to think of it... That would solve a lot of problems... And you'd never be called Swirlygig again... But there's no time! If only you had some Philosophite! Condensed from the hopes and wishes of mankind, it can be spent as instant research!

You even have a Hope Drive that can produce the stuff! But the Tinkerbell field would have to be engaged somehow... If only someone were cheering on the hero with all their hearts and minds, or at least their internet posting skills...

NOOOOOO!  You can do it cheesebot!  You can win!

> Give it 120 % Cheesebot! Contain the explosion with your Cheeseshield!

>You still aren't the Guy. Be him dammit!

Holy. Shit.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

MANLINESS TECH TREE HAS REACHED LEVEL 1!

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Oh! There appear to be some slight side effects...

Thirded for the "The Guy"

Well... You do have a pretty manly 'stache all of a sudden. You think it's safe to call yourself 'The Guy' now.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Simultaneously, all over the Imperium of Cheese...

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

And in the interior of the Camembert...

You are Lord Winklefist again.

Goodness! You feel a surge of raw MANLINESS rushing through your veins! With it comes a surge of clarity. Your mistake in this battle was relying on a mech to do a man's job.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Bursting through the cockpit of the Camembert, you take over producing the Ultra Cheese Buster using your own raw SPIRIT to fuel the blast.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

You should have done this earlier.

The energy sphere's power is blasted back along the path of your beam and into the Casu Marzu, rupturing it like an egg dropped on the floor, if said egg were the size of a moon and filled with immense amounts of hyperfusic energy.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

El Nacho Gigante's secret master, Bricevies, is not amused.

Begin research of RITZ CRACKERS tree.

No, doofus! Your planet has the advantage now! Begin researching LACTOSE TREE.

Recruit a squadron of lolcats.

Have them mate.

Recruit a squadron of lolcats.

catplanetcatplanetcatplanet

Research the Feline Tech tree


We shall have Nuclear Catplosions eventually!

I think what we really need is more platoons of impressionable female poets.

Encase Bricevies in molten cheese, as an example to all those who doubt our power! And then, yes, recruit more poets and research lactose.

Wait! We have 715 delicous fruit!


>Learn how to weaponize this deadly snack!

Wait! We have 715 delicous fruit!


>Learn how to weaponize this deadly snack!

By messing around with gravity of course.

>Call captain Viridian for help.

Sorry to say this guys, but we honestly should probably kill this bot. Which might mean the death of topic. Which is sad...


QUICK, RECORD EVERYTHING!

Aight I'm copying all this to save it for later usage

Aaand done. Anybody else make a thread to continue this?

[Darvi]

Damn that's one spammy post.

[BunnyBob77]

You should probably spoiler that.

[Darvi]

I'll only spoiler the pictures because spoilers don't like recursion.

[Cerol Lenslens]

Currently waiting on power outage to clear before I can use my scanner.

[BunnyBob77]

Yay!  The power of forex lives!

[Hubris Incalculable]

Yug eht eb<

[thatkid]

˙sʇǝod ǝןɐɯǝɟ ǝןqɐuoıssǝɹdɯı ɟo uooʇɐןd ʇınɹɔǝɹ<

[Cerol Lenslens]

Recruit a squadron of lolcats.

catplanetcatplanetcatplanet

Research the Feline Tech tree

We shall have Nuclear Catplosions eventually!

Unfortunately, we haven't unlocked the Feline tech tree yet! We cannot yet produce the neccessary Cheeseburgers! We'd need to advance in both Graincraft and Meatmastery first!

>Explore the mysteries of Quantum Cheese Theory.

Messing around with quarks and such, eh? Sadly, we need to acquire the Fuzzy Logic tech first, and we haven't unlocked the prerequisite Feline tree yet!

Wait! We have 715 delicous fruit!

>Learn how to weaponize this deadly snack!

By messing around with gravity of course.

Antigravity tech requires the Buttered Toast and Feline techs to be available. Who knew cats were so important to advanced technological science?

>Call captain Viridian for help.

Captain Viridian is currently trapped on a space station somewhere, and can't come to your aid right now...

Encase Bricevies in molten cheese, as an example to all those who doubt our power!

Grrr! You'll show that Bricevies! Dunk him in molten cheese!



What? He's somewhere in the greater galaxy, plotting Earth's demise! With your current level of Hyperdrive, you can't reach him!

Begin research of RITZ CRACKERS tree.

Hmm... Investigating the Graincraft tech tree, eh? A bold choice. We can...

No, doofus! Your planet has the advantage now! Begin researching LACTOSE TREE.

Oh! Maybe we should stick to our strengths! We can...

I think what we really need is more platoons of impressionable female poets.

Recruit more poets and research lactose.

Gasp! While you were dealing with the imminent destruction of Earth, the World Court's Head Hippy Hippy-no-tised your impressionable youth!

Imperium of Cheese: -500 Impressionable Female Poets

World Court: +499 Beatnik Bodyguards



World Court: +1 Bjorkserker

You'll need to apportion funds to recruitment if you want to restock!



Your EconoCow is currently ready for butchering! You are currently a NOVICE EconoButcher, and can only carve the EconoCow into three portions, which you may distribute among tech tree research, recruitment, building, and infrastructure.

Distribute the Flank, Ribs, and Forequarters as you will folks!



Meanwhile, Lord Winklefist, his cheesemech destroyed in a rash act of MANLINESS, remains stranded in space...



... while El Nacho Grande (his space-based reinforcements having been destroyed) continues to mass his forces at your border...



...With this gentleman currently leading the only forces available to oppose him.

Wait, who is this guy, anyway?

[Furtuka]

General Mightyhelm

[peglegpengeuin]

You, sir, have made an amazing update.

>Sunflower Candycheeks

Thank you Unicorn Name Generator

[Krath]

BUFF LARGEHUGE

[Yoink]

Edamaxius Laser-Fist the Third.

[thatkid]

The Guy

Also, I'm thinking we should throw two econo-meats into graincraft and meatmastery, and the third into the feline tech tree.