Enough procrastination, I'll just write the update regardless of how tired I am.
--
HeroesSpluntastic TeenSplundiferous Boy stumbles upon Mister Fantastic's
corpsecoma body and trips, landing square on his cement-like arm. The impact was so great a force(from the aid of grenades) that the two heroes combined into one super fighting powered wonder force! The Spluntastic Teen!
Whatever. Spluntastic Teen rebels by slouching by the trees all day. Elastisplastasaur Girl and he meet up, and "borrow" Mister Fantastic's house as the new base of heroics.
Elastisplastasaur GirlA comet lands on an orphanage, and from the bloody debris rises Elastisplastasaur Girl. Hating her unfortunately grotesque name, she decides to go by the name Elasti.
Having no gun, nor bullet-riddled corpse of any sort, Elasti grabs the most intact orphan within arm's reach, and a plank. She continues to drag the corpse and plank into town to the
manliest tune she knows...She encounters Spluntastic Teen, and liberates him from the evil tree holding him captive.
VillainsTax CollectorThis fiendish fiend of a man falls out of bed at a neck-breaking angle, and somehow manages to not die. He sends his henchmen to a research facility to get some SCIENCE so he can make perma-dog food oils for his hair. The fools mistake SCIENCE for toxic waste, and rush off to their potential deaths, but that's a story for never.
The fiendish fiend rushes off to the emergency room, where he is kicked out for not having clothes on. The very idea of being able to jog nude again mends the broken neck, and sends the fiend to the pet store to buy dog food. Unfortunately, he ends up buying every animal in the shop.
She Hag's henchmen help carry everything. The Crushinator's henchmen are nowhere to be seen, which is odd since they're 13 feet tall.
The fiend has a pink-filled sleep full of disgusted restraining orders.
The CrushinatorThe fine gentleman begins his morning without coffee nor breakfast. Feeling purposeful the fine gentleman and his fine butlers take a leave of absence, and visit the neighboring city to liberate all the animals. All of them. This endeavor for peace somehow becomes a cross-country tour which ends thirteen hours after starting.
Most of the country is in civil war now, oh dear. This could have an impact on the fine gentleman's reputation with the common folk!
Regardless he has a fine, gentlemanly sleep.
She HagShe Hag sends her nitwit henchmen to go raid some scientific facilities with the Tax Collector's(read: the most useless in She Hag's eyes) henchmen then goes for a full day nap.
The henchmen all gather together with weapons and raid facility after facility, all of which explode. Only three SCIENCE could be recovered, so both sides return, feeling defeated.