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[ChairmanPoo]

lolz

[Leafsnail]

I think it should be pointed out that the guy who talked to her in an elevator realised what he did was wrong afterwards and apologised.  The issue with elevatorgate is the reactions of people after she named the guy (with his permission), not the original event.

[Rose]

That sounds about right actually. Unless the woman in question is explicitly trying to get your attention, it's better to assume that you shouldn't talk to her.

So now men are not allowed to initiate conversation. Good to know.

[Vector]

That sounds about right actually. Unless the woman in question is explicitly trying to get your attention, it's better to assume that you shouldn't talk to her.

So now men are not allowed to initiate conversation. Good to know.

This is false.  Don't listen to Virex.

[Virex]

That sounds about right actually. Unless the woman in question is explicitly trying to get your attention, it's better to assume that you shouldn't talk to her.

So now men are not allowed to initiate conversation. Good to know.

This is false.  Don't listen to Virex.

You mean it's OK to try and start a conversation without knowing if the person in question may feel threatened or doesn't want to talk to you?

[scriver]

Yes. Otherwise you won't know if they don't want to talk to you.

[Vector]

There is this thing called body language and situational fluency.  If you can't read 'em, practice.  There's tools out there.

For example, you don't start a conversation with someone when they're in the middle of reading a book, even if they're really cute.  Or, if you do, you don't expect them to necessarily engage.  They're busy!

[Virex]

As I said, if she's trying to get your attention then it's OK to talk with her.

[KaelGotDwarves]

There are two tricks though to pulling off all sorts of bullshit.

1. Be attractive.
2. Don't be unattractive.

And don't make the newbish mistake of assuming that attractive = just looks.

[anzki4]

As I said, if she's trying to get your attention then it's OK to talk with her.

So only women are allowed to start discussion?

[Vector]

As I said, if she's trying to get your attention then it's OK to talk with her.

A person can be neither trying to get your attention, nor not trying to get your attention, and be okay to talk to as well.

Open body language doesn't mean someone is trying to get your attention, it just means that they'd be okay with it.


(Incidentally, this is why I largely don't talk to people =/)

[Virex]

Trying to get attention =/= starting a conversation. There are a lot of subtle sings that could indicate that someone might be interested in having a conversation with you. If someone isn't interested, then don't bother them.

[Rose]

I'm curious, does this apply in reverse? Is a girl only allowed to strike a conversation with me if I'm obviously trying to get her attention? or would that count as my trying to talk to her and be a no-no?

[Virex]

I'm curious, does this apply in reverse? Is a girl only allowed to strike a conversation with me if I'm obviously trying to get her attention? or would that count as my trying to talk to her and be a no-no?

Well, allowed is a big word, but striking up a conversation with someone who might not want to talk to you at all is rude, regardless of gender. After all, if they wanted to talk, they'd have hinted at it. Or I am just over-thinking things now...

[Vector]

*shrug*

My expectation is that I don't talk to guys who have closed body language and guys shouldn't talk to me if I'm closed (there's plenty of buffer for getting it wrong, but once I know someone doesn't want to talk, I don't talk to them; the part when it gets creepiest, to me, is when there's a sort of "pursuing" happening when it's clear that one party or the other is feeling extremely uncomfortable).  "Trying to get attention" doesn't have much to do with it.  If someone is trying to get my attention I'll talk to them, but I might be pissed off about it.