Ok, here's the standard for reclamation:
I never do but if I did say the word "faggot" it wouldn't be in derogatory manner, because I am GLBT. People do not typically seriously insult themselves in a vile manner. Here, my use of the word "faggot," would be insulting myself in a vile manner if I used it derogatorily. I do not insult myself in a vile manner and derogatory use of that word by me would be to vilely insult myself, thus I do not use it derogatorily.
Even in the event I did use it derogatorily, I would be insulting myself and thus paying a price for saying it that way....
That's just CRAC logic (Conclusion, Rule, Analysis, Conclusion). It explains a lot and you can substitute out the nouns and adjectives to apply to nearly all classifications.
A person who is a member of a class can use an otherwise negative word for their own class, because of the above reasoning which indicates that they are not doing so in a derogatory way or are doing so in a self depreciating way.
Conversely, those outside a historically persecuted classification are presumed to be using negative references to that classification derogatorily because there is a longstanding precedent of that happening. It has happened 1000 times before. Care to guess what will happen on time 1001? This is why it is just and proper that white people cannot say the N word. History. Don't like it? Deal with it.
Until the problems of bigotry are ended, this is the only remedy we have....