Although I will say, I'm not entirely sure about the whole "primal/natural response." I've been hanging out with these Unitarian Universalist church people and they make an active effort to educate their kids really young about ... really almost everything. Their average 5 year old knows what gay is and couldn't care less. Their reaction to it is something like "O ok, where are the legos?" 
I don't know if you interpreted my post as one saying it is like that, but I want to make it clear that that is not what I think. Well, it is "natural", given the circumstances and causes that it originates from, obviously, put I did not mean to imply that it is unavoidable, hardcoded or predetermined because of our genes or anything like that. Or rather, the emotional response could be, I guess, but the homophobia itself is definitely "taught".
To clarify: If a man is homophobic, the resulting bigotry is the "natural" consequence of his feelings of disgust/uncomfortability (but of course it's not the only response individual people might have, that goes without saying). But the cause of it, the homophobia, is not inherent, and is forced upon people by culture and society. It is not a concious choice, but neither is it something inherent in people.
As for what you can do about it (besides voting progressive and talking about it with people closer around you and such), I think one important thing is to just be brave and continue showing affection in the public space. In Sweden, for example, most people (in my experience, at least) believe and think without any doubt that homosexuality is and should be treated as natural and nothing special. However, when people do get into a situation where gayness is openly displayed, however, they still get uncomfortable because the message they have been taught from childhood overrides their concious thoughts and opinions. Because it is something unusual, something they don't haven't had to deal with on a regular basis, those deep-sated "precepts" hasn't been challenged. If they aren't, it doesn't matter what a person wants to believe he believes, if he has been indoctrinated to believe something else deeper down. This also have the effect of, in this case homophobic, people claiming they definitely are not homophobic (mishomosexualic?), because how can they be? That's a bad thing! And they think nothing of the sort!
Even though their actions speaks otherwise.
My personal experiences, for example: I stopped listening to my homophobia somewhere in the years before "high school"/the gymnasium, even to the point of realising how ridiculous the "I don't care about homosexuality as long as they don't come on to me" stance is. Believing myself to have no qualms about homosexuality, I simply said "big deal, it doesn't matter" when one of my high school/gymnasium class mates came out as homosexual. And I didn't think twice about it, until said classmate brought his boyfriend to our writing class.
Until then, all encounters I had had with homosexuality was rather unpersonal and distanced from myself, so I guess that's why it didn't have much effect. However, this was a bit closer. Just seeing them together made me uncomfortable, despite everything I wanted to be. Actual displays of affection beyond holding hands was even worse. But, you know, I knew the problem was with me and not them, so I bit together and told myself it didn't matter. And, the point is (finally), over the next half year or so of seeing them together, it gradually stopped mattering to me. There was nothing special about them (which should have been obvious, I know), and I wasn't more bothered by the them than any other couples. I just needed "exposure" and time to let my old learnt-ins be worn away. And now, I am thankful that they were.
So - what I were saying was: people might stare and show aversion if you and your boyfriend show who you are, but every time you do it becomes less and less unusual for them, and a more and more natural part of their reality. It might not diminish bigotry in any profound way - haters gonna hate - but it will reduce "everyday" homophobia. So be strong, and continue to be who you are in public. After all, you have done nothing wrong, and given time, other people will realise this as well. None of us can change the overarching messages that society sends to and teaches us on our own, but we can try to show and tell other people that it is not a big deal, and changes nothing. And maybe even convince one or two.
Many excuses for the rant. I just wanted to make sure you did not think I meant to say what I bolded in the quote, and then I couldn't stop writing. I hope I have not made a fool of myself.
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Topic: Chill and Relaxed Progressive Irritation and Annoyance Thread (Read 870583 times)