So I'm just gonna rant a bit here, hope no one minds.
About half an year ago I had a crush on a girl. Never worked up the courage to ask her out though, could have asked over the summer, but as time went on the less there seemed to be a point to it, as a lot of shit was going down because school ended, so it was time to start living in a different city, find a place to live, try to get used to studing in an university and so on and so on.
So I put her out my mind and meanwhile I am now actually pretty happy with my life. I like studying in an university, living in a bigger city is actually kinda cool, I have gotten back into the habit of working on my projects and I've been gaining just a tiny bit of confidence.
And today I went to an event where was singing. I always did like her singing. So there I went and listened and loved it even more that I thought I would. And now the crush is back. Like way the hell back. So now I will either obsess over her for a few months until it fades(lol, doubtful that's gonna happen this time) or I'm going to have to try to ask her out. And because of my newfound confidence, the first option has stopped being as appealing to me as it once was. And the second option has a time limit because she is considering moving to a different city, and it also has the problem that apparently the part of my brain responsible for conversations still seems to shut down in her presence.
So now there's a familiar feeling in my chest, which is best characterized as a pair of tongs squeezing my heart that accompanies me whenever I am anxious and have stuff I need to be doing. I am doubtful I will be able to properly concentrate on my projects until I get rid of it. And last time I had a crush on someone I got depressed a few months when it didn't work out, which really does not appeal to me.
Fucknuggets, just when stuff started to go right. I just hope this doesn't go badly.