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[DeKaFu]

My pride of lionesses and I had just successfully brought down a large pack of Deinonychus that had been harassing a hippopotomus. You'd think a large, slow-moving herbivore would be grateful to be rescued from a swarm of freaking dinosaurs, but nooo. As I'm settling in to munch on the mound of quickly-cooling dino meat, the hippo turns around, stares us down for a moment, and then charges straight into us, killing my packmates and leaving me sprawled on the ground in poor condition. As I'm struggling to my feet, a few straggling Deinonychus turn up to investigate the carnage, blocking my escape route. With the hippo pawing the ground for a second charge, I make a desperate attempt to leap over the gathering dinos to safety. The charging hippo catches me (and the dinosaurs) in mid-air.

DEAD

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Tokyo Jungle, of course.

[Mr Space Cat]

Um, not everyone has played Skyrim. I just can't afford it, and thus know nothing about it other than that it involves dragons 

Sometimes I'm too sarcastic, my bad. I forget that not everyone has played Skyrim. >.>

Also it seems I screwed up a joke too. I knew I shouldn't have opened my hypothetical mouth that makes text-based posts!

[notquitethere]

I was kicking ass and taking names in my plate mail, wielding a broadsword, when a smoker zombie half-choked me to death and I stumbled out in the street, fumbled with a first aid pack and was beaten to death by more living dead.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Cataclysm DDA, because I'm a masochist

[varnish]

A group of rebellious dukes announced that they were going to demand that I be made emperor, and to my surprise, they succeeded. The old emperor, my cousin, caved to their demands.

Why is that a bad thing? Well, the Byzantine Empire is fighting a losing war with the Seljuks, the powerful duke of Thrace is pressing his own claim on the empire, and I'm actually still imprisoned by the ruler of the Seljuks. He just threw me in the oubliette.

No, I haven't died yet. But it's pretty much a certainty at this point. It's just a matter of how.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Crusader Kings 2 VIET

[Akura]

A group of rebellious dukes announced that they were going to demand that I be made emperor, and to my surprise, they succeeded. The old emperor, my cousin, caved to their demands.

Why is that a bad thing? Well, the Byzantine Empire is fighting a losing war with the Seljuks, the powerful duke of Thrace is pressing his own claim on the empire, and I'm actually still imprisoned by the ruler of the Seljuks. He just threw me in the oubliette.

No, I haven't died yet. But it's pretty much a certainty at this point. It's just a matter of how.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Crusader Kings 2 VIET

I bet your cousin must be laughing his ass off. Probably arranged the whole thing just to get you out of the way.

[varnish]

Didn't work out to well for him. He ended up in my prison, and I ended up in the duke of thrace's prison (after i ransomed myself out of the seljuk prison), and almost immediately lost the civil war.

And then he (the duke, not my cousin) had me blinded, and I died of complications from being blinded. Thus ended the glorious two month reign of Basileus Michail VIII.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Still Crusader Kings, obviously. Come on.

[Devling]

"So, uh, how are we going to cure the man's eye sight?"
"We must drive the demon's out of his eyes!"
"Okay, how do we--"
"WE DRIVE THEM OUT WITH STAKES!"
...
"Worth a try."

[Scelly9]

Didn't work out to well for him. He ended up in my prison, and I ended up in the duke of thrace's prison (after i ransomed myself out of the seljuk prison), and almost immediately lost the civil war.

And then he (the duke, not my cousin) had me blinded, and I died of complications from being blinded. Thus ended the glorious two month reign of Basileus Michail VIII.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Still Crusader Kings, obviously. Come on.

You can have people blinded?

[Tarran]

Yes, you definitely can as the greeks and possibly other orthodox characters.

[Catastrophic lolcats]

Any ruler of the Byzantine culture group can blind or castrate prisoners. I personally also mod it so Muslims can castrate prisoners, helps the AI deal with decadence and is historically accurate as far as I'm aware.

[itisnotlogical]

My five-man military of useless haulers turned cannon fodder VALUED SWORDSDWARVES were out killing wolverines and keas because I was bored and running low on plump helmets, which are top priority booze material for me at this stage. Of course, that's when the necromancer decides to zombify a horse that had somehow died at the edge of the map without my noticing. By the time my military came around, they were too scattered from messing around with keas.

Dwarf Fortress, one of my rare forays into fort mode.

[monk12]

With two runes of Zot in my back pocket, my Hill Orc Priest descended to the bottom of the Vaults with a horde of raging fanatics, several high priests, sorcerers, and warlords numbered among them. Teleporting away from the initial ambush, we drew the enemy into a side hallway, then began forcing them back to the stairs step by bloody step.

About the time the battlelines were well and truly beyond the hallway bottleneck, a high-level player ghost of an air elementalist started throwing around spells like nobody's business, safe from inside one of the side-vaults in a one tile corridor. As my best bodyguards were shredded by AoEs, I led a desperate charge to stop the ghost. Unfortunately, the ghost stopped me, with a few bolts o' draining to the tune of 55 damage.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Dungeon Crawl: Stone Soup. Orcs kill for Beogh, Orcs die for Beogh! And now there are possibly two high-level ghosts at the bottom of Vaults...

[pisskop]

Siege came, I sent my xbowers topside to pew at them.  Forgot about my mining designations down in the caverns, and wouldn't you know it we unleashed my Caccodemons.  Then to top it off I

1:  mistimed the drawbridge lifts.
2:  Pulled the inner ones instead of the outer ones.
3:  Watched as divided and underpowered melee squads fell, and the marksmen go flying.
4:  The Duke sealed himself in his inner sanctum, but then got chaired in the face by his aide.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

DF

[Greiger]

4:  The Duke sealed himself in his inner sanctum, but then got chaired in the face by his aide.

And then dwarven pro wrestling was invented.   Except dwarven pro wrestling is more entertaining because the chairs are usually made of rock.

[Akura]

Walking along, my partner sees an enemy. She proceeds to throw a massively high-level frost spell at it. I'm standing right in front of her. I'm also level 1.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Oblivion with a plethora of mods, including the Pym companion and Glenvar Castle.

Get into a fight. My partner decides to run off towards one far in the back, leaving me to deal with two high level vampire spellcasters and a mud golem by myself. I'm still level 1.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Oblivion again. Mud golems are from OOO, I think. I also got ahold of a stupidly powerful sword for free from some clothing mod, so I can still sorta hold my own.

Repeat of the previous fight. This time my partner decides to just stand there, leaving me to deal with two high level vampire spellcasters, two mud golems, and the zombies the vampires summoned. I am still level 1.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

...Necessary to ask? Goddammit Pym, why the hell are you just standing there?!

I am also stuck on Glenvar castle. I killed the keeper in the water cavern and took his key, killed everything in the fire cavern. What now?