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Author Topic: War elephant phantom master  (Read 4189 times)

m1k3y4e7

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War elephant phantom master
« on: September 08, 2010, 11:13:11 pm »

there was an unfortunate accident involving an ex-soldier who was in possession of a dozen war elephants, and for some reason they have all transferred to a new master, who happens to not be on my citizen list. what can I do about this?

EDIT: I just found the new dwarf master. it is hisher dead spouse. elephants are still huddling around the corpse. any way to free em up?
« Last Edit: September 08, 2010, 11:15:44 pm by m1k3y4e7 »
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If I had a monkey, I would borrow my moms sewing machine and make my monkey a little monkey suit. Then if anyone said "Thats not a real monkey, it's just a monkey suit, I can see the zipper", I could say "I bet you fifty dollars it is a real monkey" and when they said "that seems like a reasonable bet, you are on", my monkey would take off the monkey suit and they would have to pay me fifty dollars.

slothen

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Re: War elephant phantom master
« Reply #1 on: September 08, 2010, 11:33:17 pm »

lower a bridge onto them.
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Sysice

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Re: War elephant phantom master
« Reply #2 on: September 08, 2010, 11:39:37 pm »

Best thread title ever. It's like Dwarf Fortress, Star Wars, and general insanity thrown together.

Are the elephants still available for transferring? Maybe move the corpse to your entrance so you get the same general effect?
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I managed to make a dog that bled bees.
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Gatleos

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Re: War elephant phantom master
« Reply #3 on: September 09, 2010, 12:30:43 am »

Problem: A whole bunch of war elephants are huddled around the deceased spouse of their former master, refusing to move away from it.

Solution: Toss the corpse outside the fortress walls so the war elephants guard the entrance.

I love this game.  :D
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Kobold Troubadour

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Re: War elephant phantom master
« Reply #4 on: September 09, 2010, 12:46:53 am »

Soooo....they will guard their master's corpse even until it's eventual degeneration to skull & bones?

What happens when monkeys try to steal his remains? Or when [BONECARN] creatures try to taste the buffet?
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SkyRender

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Re: War elephant phantom master
« Reply #5 on: September 09, 2010, 01:03:33 am »

Soooo....they will guard their master's corpse even until it's eventual degeneration to skull & bones?

What happens when monkeys try to steal his remains? Or when [BONECARN] creatures try to taste the buffet?

 You seem to be under the mistaken impression that any monkey or bone-eater would have the balls to approach a dozen war elephants.
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Ubiq

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Re: War elephant phantom master
« Reply #6 on: September 09, 2010, 02:25:08 am »

Quote from: Kobold Troubador
What happens when monkeys try to steal his remains? Or when [BONECARN] creatures try to taste the buffet?

War Elephant: Oh, I say there, Bert, it would appear that somebody is trying to make off with the Master's remains.
War Elephant: Not a worry, William, I'll deal with it.

Then follows a fifteen minute long stomping session.

You seem to be under the mistaken impression that any monkey or bone-eater would have the balls to approach a dozen war elephants.

Considering that they'll cheerfully try and slip by a War Giant Cave Spider guarding a front entrance, I'm sure that your average rhesus macaque's testicles account for 90% of their weight. I've seen rhesus macaques get showered by the remains of their colleagues, back off about ten squares, and then immediately charge right back in.

Usually what happens is that all but one of them dies before the survivor notices an expended bolt from a hunter lying around and makes off with it.
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Tyrius

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Re: War elephant phantom master
« Reply #7 on: September 09, 2010, 03:28:18 am »

RM1: Quickly bretheren! Onwards to the shiny things!
RM2: See! The shiny things leap towards us in their wish to join ARRGH *GURGLEGURGLE*
RM1: Yay I found a shiny thing in my friends throat!
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because that's not the dwarven way. Could you make more statues of Urist instead of an impossibly large one chiseled out of the mountain? Sure, you could. If you want to be called a ninny elf by all your friends.

Halykan

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Re: War elephant phantom master
« Reply #8 on: September 09, 2010, 06:45:56 am »

War Elephant: Oh, I say there, Bert, it would appear that somebody is trying to make off with the Master's remains.
War Elephant: Not a worry, William, I'll deal with it.

This made me laugh. I hadn't imagined them with posh British accents, but I'm sure it fits. Now we just need to mod in elephant-sized monocles.
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Magma_science

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Re: War elephant phantom master
« Reply #9 on: September 09, 2010, 07:56:21 am »

Atomsmash the corpse?
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Zaik

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Re: War elephant phantom master
« Reply #10 on: September 09, 2010, 08:00:57 am »

I'd say you could still butcher them, or build a coffin under some floor sitting on a support or something.

Down side building destoryers will probably smash it, but up side they'll probably take out the support and get smashed too.
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Re: War elephant phantom master
« Reply #11 on: September 09, 2010, 08:14:09 am »

Best thread title ever.

That would make a nice movie.
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m1k3y4e7

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Re: War elephant phantom master
« Reply #12 on: September 09, 2010, 09:08:19 am »

having looked at this, I am convinced that atomsmahing the corpse is the right way. However, using the body as an elephant beacon sounds like even more fun. thanks all.

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If I had a monkey, I would borrow my moms sewing machine and make my monkey a little monkey suit. Then if anyone said "Thats not a real monkey, it's just a monkey suit, I can see the zipper", I could say "I bet you fifty dollars it is a real monkey" and when they said "that seems like a reasonable bet, you are on", my monkey would take off the monkey suit and they would have to pay me fifty dollars.

Gearheart

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Re: War elephant phantom master
« Reply #13 on: September 09, 2010, 10:18:10 am »

It's the dwarfy thing to do.
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m1k3y4e7

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Re: War elephant phantom master
« Reply #14 on: September 09, 2010, 08:21:45 pm »

hmm. elephants are not following the corpse, but rather huddled around the place he died. will try removing the corpse from existence now.
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If I had a monkey, I would borrow my moms sewing machine and make my monkey a little monkey suit. Then if anyone said "Thats not a real monkey, it's just a monkey suit, I can see the zipper", I could say "I bet you fifty dollars it is a real monkey" and when they said "that seems like a reasonable bet, you are on", my monkey would take off the monkey suit and they would have to pay me fifty dollars.
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