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[pisskop]

What do vampires practically get out of drinking blood, anywho?

[escondida]

Dearest Urists McDorf,

Would you please explain to me why you've seen fit to store several bags of seeds in the dyer's shop rather than in the spacious seeds stockpile? How did you even get the bags there? The only bags that can possibly used in dyer's shop jobs are milled plant (dye) bags. Congratulations; you've managed to really puzzle me.

Yours in bafflement,
escondida

[Thisfox]

Dear Vampire Mayor:

If you hadn't eaten all the engravers, jewellers, and metalcrafters, we would have better rooms and furniture for you to enjoy. As it is, you have brought this down upon yourself. So stop whinging.

Dear Overseer Thisfox,

Cordial greetings to you, and thank you for your thoughtful letter. In response, let me just say BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD!!!!!!!!!!!!! So as I believe I've made clear in my point-by-point response, the actions I took were completely justfied in context.

Yours sincerely,
Urist McVampire-Mayor

Dear Urist McVampire-Mayor:
Please enjoy the assorted barrels of blood we had delivered by merchants last quarter, as a negotiation to your demands for a better office and dining room. In fact, I figure barrels of blood in the dining room of a vampire is remarkably appropriate. I just wish you'd eat them instead of our talented craftsdorfs...
On a related note, I think we'll lock the doors on your dining room when you next go in, as one of our migrants was a metalcrafter, and I've been looking forward to regaining the ability to goldplate all the furniture.

Yours, Thisfox.

What do vampires practically get out of drinking blood, anywho?

I believe it is an ability to bite werebeasts to death (yep, I've had a vampire do that, but to be fair, I once had a non-vampire female cook do that when the werebeast killed her kid, so it depends on the dorf really), to not eat or drink anything, nor sleep, and eventually the ability to run down from lack of alcohol. Poor bastard. Just wish the damn vampires could be held off with the barrels of blood you can get from the merchants, that would be awesome. Still, once I wall this bloke in, he can be my eternal bookkeeper, and my fort will never die, so there are advantages.

[dillonsup]

Dear Urist McBrewer

Please don't take breaks when Dwarves need to have something to drink

[GiantCaveMushroom]

To the dwarves flooring over the flooded section,

Stop suspending your work because the water level in your place reaches 2/7. The express purpose of the new flooring is to remove the flood by burying the water with the blocks you are tasked with. There have been dozens of reports of dwarves suspending work due to water. Just kick the water away if they're in way!

Any further transgressions will be considered a conspiracy to slow labor, which will enter the fort's permanent records.

P.S to Thob the miner: Get rid of your shoes, they're getting in the way of construction!

[escondida]

Dear Urist McBrewer

Please don't take breaks when Dwarves need to have something to drink

Dear Overseer McDillonsup,

[snip needlessly snarky response. tl;dr: brewing isn't a skilled labor]

[escondida]

Dear Axmu Ngoxumsocks or whatever your filthy goblin name is,

Tell your [edit]clown[/edit] master to stop sending squads of pathetic losers to die throwing themselves against the walls of Dwarvenkind's greatest bastion. If he wants dwarf blood, he can come and get it himeself.


Dear Muthe Iseboot or whatever your needlessly tall human name is,

I thought the little war I started ten years ago ended, like, ten years ago. Why are you suddenly attacking me again? Legends mode sheds no light on the subject, and every other battle in this war of yours has ended either in (a) your attacking a dwarven fortress and the dwarves killing your leader and only your leader, and your forces retreating; or (b) your attacking my fortress, Lanterngroove, and having all of your soldiers slaughtered. Listen, my queen lives here at Lanterngroove. Maybe next time you could send a diplomat so we could get back to you sending me caravans and me buying a handful of raw materials in exchange for your hauling off all my garbage? Thanks.

[Lossmar]

Dear Urist McFuckface.

Stop complaining about miasma from the dead horse inside you dining room.
I have designated the dump zone FOUR FUCKING WEEKS AGO and despite shitload of you idling aroun NO ONE CARES TO MOVE THIS SHIT!!
You are the only one to blame for that.

Regards - you very pissed off overseer.

[Nyxalinth]

Dear Urist McFuckface.

Stop complaining about miasma from the dead horse inside you dining room.
I have designated the dump zone FOUR FUCKING WEEKS AGO and despite shitload of you idling aroun NO ONE CARES TO MOVE THIS SHIT!!
You are the only one to blame for that.

Regards - you very pissed off overseer.

This post started off with dorfs resolutely refusing to bury a stinky corpse.  Now it has come full circle.

[origamiscienceguy]

Dear Urist McWhoeverisinchargeofsendingmigrants,

Why did you think it was a good idea to send 6 CHILDREN, and ONLY 6 CHILDREN to a fortress started literally 6 months ago. HOW WILL 6 USELESS CHILDREN HELP US OUT IN ANY WAY!? Also, DO YOU REALISE WHAT DANGERS ARE IN A 2 WEEK JOURNEY FOR 6 KIDS!?

-Your very important source of useless junk.

[PyroTechno]

Dear Urist McWhoeverisinchargeofsendingmigrants,

Why did you think it was a good idea to send 6 CHILDREN, and ONLY 6 CHILDREN to a fortress started literally 6 months ago. HOW WILL 6 USELESS CHILDREN HELP US OUT IN ANY WAY!? Also, DO YOU REALISE WHAT DANGERS ARE IN A 2 WEEK JOURNEY FOR 6 KIDS!?

-Your very important source of useless junk.

Maybe their parents died en route?

[origamiscienceguy]

Perhaps. Either way, it's not my problem. It will be yours eventually because you signed up for the succession game. Mwahahahaha

[FortunaDraken]

Dear Urist McGlassmaker

Stop job cancel spamming you idiot. There is literally a stockpile of coke THAT YOU WERE TAKING FROM TWO SECONDS AGO right nearby. You can do that job, so do it :| I do not want to go through the stupid stockpile giving to workshops thing because then I'm going to have to give to all the smelters, who will then want the ore stockpile, which means the masons get stupid, and after assigning them they won't go get the stone they need...

So please. Do. Your. Job.

Signed Fort Overseer who doesn't stockpile well

[99Hedgehog]

Dear Urist McFarmer

I designated that farm plot months ago.

Sincerely;
Spooky Omnipresent Guiding Force

[TheBiggerFish]

PTW.