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[Dwarf4Explosives]

I'm pretty sure fishing people will almost never do any of the other work associated with fishing, such as the hauling and preparing of it. Instead, they'll just constantly fish.

[Walrusking]

Urist McEngraver,

While I am glad you've decided to create a shameful image of a noble in your masterwork to grace the dining hall, did you really have to shame the one of the few GOOD nobles? The only thing the mayor asked for were RINGS and not fething weapons or some crap that would be useful elsewhere. If you want to create an engraving in which a noble would be royally embarrassed (pardon the pun), might I suggest the Captain of the guard, who was whining for months about not getting a good enough bedroom.

Overseer

[TheFlame52]

Dear Baelor McLegendaryGemsetter

You decorated several large gems so much they became worth over 70k. I ain't even mad. That's amazing.

[Foxite]

Dear kitchen staff,

When the militia kills a bunch of elk birds that just wandered into the fortress by means I have yet to discover, and I tell you to "Butcher a dead animal" on repeat, it is not a coincidence. I do not want you to say "NIDZ UNROTAN NERBI ENIMUL" and that shit, I want you to grab the dead, not yet rotten elk bird corpses from the refuse heap and butcher them. Oh, and please do that before they start rotting because then your excuse will be valid. Nobody wants other people's excuses to be valid, especially when they are STUPID.

Signed, the overseer

[Doughnut189]

Dear Thob Akrulsedur,

While you may be assured, you will be missed, I'm afraid that no memorial to your name will come to bear, indeed, while you shall certainly be missed greatly for a period, after that I fear your name and endeavors will be lost to history, along with the rest of the fortress.

After our previous miner was lost in an unfortunate aquifer-piercing accident, it is understandable that you were considerably shaken. After all, he fell into the water before your very eyes: you were too shocked to even report his death. It was very compassionate of you to tell his wife that he had merely gone missing.

However, your behavior cannot be excused, insofar as you were ordered to dig a straight channel through the ice, you chose to jump into the water, and joined your late compatriot.

Did your grief know no bounds?

Did you really believe him lost: were you trying to search for him there?

In either case, now that the fortress lacks picks, survival in this barren waste is looking increasingly unlikely.

Here's to you having found him; we'll be looking for you in the afterlife.

Sincerely, the Fortress.

[Olith McHuman]

Dear Urist McMother

Good job constructing the magma pumps! However, you built one of your kids into the reviving end of the pump.

Your mother of the year award is in the mail.

[20firebird]

-stuff-

Aww, that's actually kinda sad.

[Ops Fox]

Note To Urist

When there is a cave in in the new fort and the entire mining squad is taken out, now is not the time to take breaks when I start ordering crutches, splints and traction tables to safe them.

From an exasperated Overseer.

[Foxite]

Dear soldiers,

I gave you the order to train, not to kill the bear that was on the other side of the map and of no harm. I had set up a bear trap JUST so we could capture and train one. I didn't want you to go kill it before it was even near the trap.

Good job at ruining a good chance for a nice addition to the army.

Signed, me

[Oblique]

Dear Rangers,

I appreciate the effort you took in crossing the river to get at those pesky camels. Your devotion to your work is commendable, and I'm very impressed that you actually shot the camels rather than trying to use your crossbows as clubs - well done all round.

However, I must point out that your inability to path back across the river afterwards was inconvenient. It's not even as if you sustained any wounds to explain your reluctance to swim back even as you started to suffer the consequences of lack of food and drink. Authorized food and drink, I should say, since apparently you were starving and dying of thirst between a camel carcass and a freshwater river, but we'll let that point rest. I eventually gave up on your survival instincts when the rest of the population started spamming 'recover patient'-cancellation messages; it seems the river could only be crossed by someone gunning for a lovely slice of camel. Having to build a bridge in order to rescue you, only to see you get up and walk on your own the second it completed was annoying. Consider yourselves reassigned to cavern patrol duty.

Sincerely,
the Overseer.

[Inevitability]

Dear Urist McMinesweeper,

I have to admit, I'm impressed. You managed to tank a weapon trap filled with serrated copper disks before bleeding out. As your assorted hands, arms, legs and feet are currently in the process of being hauled to your coffin, I only want to tell you that your stupidity is a disgrace to my fort. I know that the caravan guards that got slaughtered by the webbing titan had some nice steel armor. Armor I intended to melt down. So why did you choose to go fetch it - blatantly ignoring your station order - and why did you choose to path over the single one restricted traffic webbed weapon trap? Luckily you were only a competent hammerdwarf, so you probably won't be missed.

Your Overseer

[WalkerRiley]

Dear Urist McDoctorSmith,

Yea I know you went from being the worst doctor in the fort to being the best diagnostician known to dwarfdom, but you've had poor Nil McFurnaceWorkerDwarf strapped to that traction bench for about two years now.  I think it's about time you stop "diagnosing" him and set his overlapping fracture already.

Thanks.


Update:

Dear Dead Urist McDoctorSmith,

Burrow alert means hide inside, not run out and collect bodies.  The weremoose is far stronger than you ever will be.

[the1337doofus]

A Posthumous letter to Urist McMiner Nar Expedition Leader;

I must say, on one hand, I'm astounded by your bravery, but on the other, I'm also amazed at your stupidity. You went down into the caverns, and took on the cave croc camping out on the stairs. All alone. Good on you for cutting off it's foot. However, you may have noticed that you're now dead, because you tried to chop up a cave crocodile with only a copper pick. So yeah, good going getting your head chomped, you bloody moron. Now I have to find a replacement for you.

Sincerely,

Fortress Management

[3x3]

Dear Urist McHunter

If you stop going all blooper all over the map hunting that weasel it would be be great

Cheers,

Your overlord.

[TV4Fun]

Dear Urist McAnimalCaretaker,

How did you even build up to a high master level in animal caretaking? I am truly impressed by your single-minded devotion to such a useless skill. Well, I guess that's okay. I just hope you and Urist McGelder here are good at hauling things.

R/OS