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[Corona688]

(Sometimes dwarves don't notice their embark equipment until you set up a refuse dump and mark everything for dumping.  Bug.)

[Thisfox]

Dear Fortress:

Please ignore the current rain of cats and kittens. There was a clerical error in the instructions I gave to our woodcutters. The error has been dealt with, and it won't happen again. Those affected are free to apply to Mayor Urist McCrazycatdorf for kitten fur hats. He is currently holding offices in the hospital until the doctor comes off break. That will be all, thankyou.

--Overseer.

P.S. Until further notice, the mayor will not be signing documents, as both his hands have been broken. Ask the manager if you need documents signed. -Ov.

[Admiral Obvious]

Dear Dwarves:

I appreciate the fact that you were so eager to try and kill the weregoat with such fervor,  but jumping off the bridge into the lake, albeit the most... direct way to go, probably wasn't the best idea. 7 Z-Levels is (probably) a long way to fall.

I was hoping I wouldn't need to build those 10 traction tables, but luckily you all are alive, and the Weregoat kindly transformed back into an elf. The marksdwarf found some training ammo and dealt with the issue promptly. Let's just hope my freshly recruited doctor doesn't go on break, and hopefully the other half of the fortress can drag you back home.

Good job on having everyone break or shatter both legs and feet by the way, we'll have you out of traction in around 10 years.

Signed, your perplexed, and somewhat amused overseer.

Dictated but not read.

[StubbornAlcoholic]

To the Great Dwarf Halls of The Amber Helm:

I know back home the honest profession of Fishery Worker is noble. Venerated, even.

However, if you're going to send even more migrants to an extremely dangerous, isolated new Dwarf citadel, it is probably best to heed our earlier messages that we need people with practical skills.

Right now, with a fifty foot murderous skinless, eyeless, fire-breathing bull at the back door of the fort, the ability to clean and eviscerate small fish is not something we need. We also already have seven of them - indeed, you seem to send us nothing but a small army of fish cleaners, trappers, small animal dissectors and wax workers.

Please, by Armok send us some Goddamn soldiers. Just one.

Signed,

- A desperate administrator.

[Dampe]

Dear Urist,
*Sigh*

Regards, Dampe.

[Corona688]

I think I'm making headway on getting miners and woodcutters to wear armor, so hopefully, that risk can be reduced...

[Dampe]

I think I'm making headway on getting miners and woodcutters to wear armor, so hopefully, that risk can be reduced...

I didn't even know this could happen.
Had to scrap that fort immediately, not much to be accomplished without precious wood.

[Admiral Obvious]

I think I'm making headway on getting miners and woodcutters to wear armor, so hopefully, that risk can be reduced...

I didn't even know this could happen.
Had to scrap that fort immediately, not much to be accomplished without precious wood.

Anything that can't be solved by wood, can be solved by magma  (usually).

[NeoSilverThorn]

Memorandum for distribution to all Citysilver Fortress residents:

Good news, everyone!  Your continued ignorance of orders to build the trade depot has likely kept the elves from noticing that our woodcutter, Urist McChainsaw, managed to cut down every tree on the hillside just outside our fortress except for the ones he was actually told to cut down!  This has likely spared us their antagonism for another year.

However, as there are likely civilizations that we will wish to trade with in the future, I'm going to reiterate our need to, at some point, actually build the Armok-forsaken depot!

Also, due to the sheer, overwhelming amount of lumber we're stuck with, all items will be built from wood until further notice.

Carry on, everyone!

The Overseer

[Jorn Stones]

Dwarves of Friendlywind.

As you all notice, there are 2 less amongst you now.

So let this be a notice to all. If a Wereape comes to our fort, LET THE DOGS DEAL WITH IT. Dogs are expandable. You, are not.

The overseer.

[Adragis]

Dwarves of Friendlywind.

As you all notice, there are 2 less amongst you now.

So let this be a notice to all. If a Wereape comes to our fort, LET THE DOGS DEAL WITH IT. Dogs are expandable. You, are not.

The overseer.

What do you mean, they aren't expendable?

[Insert_Gnome_Here]

To my dwarves of the fortress I had to abandon due to a grizzly bear forcing my entire fort to starve due to punchabearitis:

Fighting a grizzly bear with your bare hands is not absolute top priority if the bear's unconscious!  Starving yourselves to punch a bear is not worth it!

Due to all of your incompetence, you all hereby are to evacuate the fortress so a new batch o' dwarves can hopefully not screw up as badly as you dimwits did.

Your infuriated overseer,

NESgamer190

The solution is to deactivate all squad orders then set a civilian alert telling them to go to a burrow far from the creature. It messes a lot of things up but means your dwarves don't die.

[Baffler]

Mr. Ducim Prisondike,

It's not entirely certain that this message will reach you, we had to float it down the water pipe after the access area flooded accidentally. If it did and you're reading it, I can only assume that you are still alive. I won't waste your time. Run. Run, you fool. That empty tank will soon contain 252 Urists of water and a very angry forgotten beast, and I have no way of stopping either of those things from getting there. The rest of the miners made it out the escape hatch just fine, and I'm very close to sealing it to prevent the creature's escape. If not for your own sake, at least do it to prevent the tantrum spiral and difficult cleanup that will surely follow.

Yours,
The Administration

[Admiral Obvious]

Dear Dwarves,

It's me again, I couldn't help but notice that the day we begun our new embarkation. Apparently asking you to harvest some surface plants equates to "throw the pickaxe into the river", I sure hope when the Dwarven caravan comes, they have some pickaxes we can trade for A LOT of wood. Also, stop complaining that it's raining, and you are stuck in it, that's all your fault...

Sincerely,
Your supremely disappointed overseer.

[Witty]

Dear Dwarves,

I have no idea what the hell you guys are doing, but you need to stop butchering the FPS for no reason periodically. You've all got food, booze, rooms, security and the FPS is even cruising along at a steady 75 most of the time. But every now and then it'll just unrecoverably drop down to the single digits. I'd advise to stop thinking so hard about where you need to go if it's that complicated. I've had to quit-without-saving three times now to avoid the FPS death. So please, stop.

Sincerely,
your benevolent overseer