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[Eric Blank]

Dear Chief Medical Dwarf,

I know you're unhappy about the situation with most of your friends dead what with the forgotten beast in the dining room, but you can't have a meeting with the expedition leader to discuss it right now; the expedition leader is in a coma. You are the only available doctor. If you don't get back to work and help him, he will die and then who will you have meetings with?

Sincerely, the Overseer

Dear other dorfs,

Stop throwing tantrums, starting fist fights, and going insane. There are only seven of you, and three of you are in the hospital. If you don't take control of yourselves, you will all die.

Sincerely, the Overseer of you lot of dolts.

P.s. Another forgotten beast is on the way. This one breathes fire. I wish I knew how the last one got in, but I don't, so I can't help you.

[FrightRat]

Dear Urist McTornOpen,
You are wounded, go to the hospital. Our dabbling experimented doctors will patch you up, you'll feel better afterwards. I promise.

Dear Everyone McCorpseHaulers
Please wait until the river is drained until you complain about that corpse. I KNOW you can't reach it. Suck it up and do something else in the meantime.

Dear Everyone McDrunk
I understand that hauling doors and beds is not as fun as drinking alcohol in the meeting room, but I assigned the construction of those things months ago. I would appreciate it if you moved your drunk asses and finished those rooms for your friends to sleep in.

Dear Everyone McTantrumLord
Did you really have to throw tantrums all at once just because I accused that forest titan of various crimes of disorderly conduct ? Really ? REALLY ? That titan tried to kill you, you hate that titan. What the hell is your problem. Enjoy the untimely demise of the fortress.

Dear vile force of darkness,
Good job at attacking right when the whole fortress is tantruming. I would give credit for the fortress' demise to you, but please understand that we are entirely capable of destroying ouselves without your help.

Sincerely,
Almighty McFedUp

[Trupik]

Dear Everyone McHauler
It is nice that you understand that corpses belong in graves and I applaude that knowledge. However, as you probably noticed, that particular corpse is currently in the river. You can either wait for that section of the river to dry thanks to the floodgates we built, or wait until winter to dig it out of the ice; but please understand that you can stop complaining about it for the moment, as I have no immediate way of changing the situation.

Dear Overseer.
Don't blame us - we are just so enthusiastic about the work, that we will attempt it multiple times a day. For all we know, the status of that particular job could have magically improved at any time. If you know better, perhaps you can forbid the corpse until it is safe for us to retrieve it.
Truly yours,
Urist McUndertaker

[pisskop]

Dear Dark Fortress;

  I hate you.  Y U crash?  One of the most fun and most successful adventurers Ive ever had cant die in aworthy fashion because you crash every time he gets close.

    Y U scared?  Now Ill retire here out of irritation
        Issstro Ucimcema the Duty of Hamesss the reptile man

[The Bard]

Dear Fortress Medical Team,

Nice job grabbing all of my stupid marksdwarves and hauling them to the hospital even in the midst of a pitched battle. Considering the fact that they jumped out of their sniper nest and ended up stunned in the midst of their enemy, I wouldn't have been half as nice.

However. Your triage procedure needs some work. While I'm sure putting a cast on one's hand and bandaging up the non-fatal wounds of on two more, I can't help but notice that you opted to give the guy with a fractured skull a sponge bath and call it hakuna until there was absolutely nothing left to do (including restocking and cleaning the hospital of all his blood.

I also notice that the cure for 'fractured skull' is just a bandage wrapped around the head. Nice.

[tonnot98]

Dear Canine Unit of the Military,

Please yell at your dogs and drunians to refrain from rolling about in the forgotten beast extract. Yes, I know you are all sad about the losses of several pets, but by now, you should know not to allow them to even touch that dust that even covers your armor.

[Thisfox]

Dear Urist McMayor

Originally you were locked in that room for your own safety. There was a werelizard around and it had bitten the children, and I couldn't afford to loose you. I'm sorry that I forgot about you, but it was an honest mistake. I just didn't wonder where my other lyemaker (who likes being mayor in his spare time) was.

Now you're locked in there for the protection of everyone else. I'm sure you understand. Any dwarf who wasn't a vampire would be dead from starvation by now. Please enjoy your new jobs of broker and bookkeeper. I'm so glad I locked you in your office, if it had been a bedroom you wouldn't have had a table available to you.

Overseer

(p.s. And why did you demand a better bedroom, for that matter, when you don't actually sleep?)

[Foxite]

Dear members of the Hauling Division,

When I spend 3 hours figuring out how minecarts work, and finally get it right, I still expect you to keep transferring stone left over from mining out our new reservoir to the stone stockpile. By that I don't mean that you are to push the minecart along the track, grab a wheelbarrow 20 tiles away from the track stop, and use it to take out the stones from the cart, push it back to the reservoir, fill it again, pushing it back to the stockpile, and then leaving it sit there forever. I don't see how those 4 stones and a wheelbarrow are obstructing your work. Please take the stones from the minecart, and put them down somewhere further away if it's really necessary. I spent these 3 hours not to discover that you are too dumb to keep going, but to save you work hauling all the stones away from the reservoir by hand.

Sincerely, your unamused Overseer,

Moi

[Pirate Santa]

NOTICE TO ALL DWARFS OF SPEARSAVAGES
In regards to the new reactors

I have noticed some rather alarming tomfoolery happening in the vicinity of our new reactors, and I'd like you all to know what is not acceptable in regards to these rather sensitive (and dangerous) machines.
1. DO NOT leave personal belongings in the reactor fuel line. Urist Mcminer I'm looking at you, you're damned lucky that sock didn't clog anything.
2. DO NOT walk through the reactor channels. I restricted the the things for a reason.
3. DO NOT allow pets to wander through the reactor channels. Mosus Usandeler your cat just barely escaped drowning, don't let it happen again.
4. FOR ARMOK'S SAKE DON'T DROP YOUR BABY IN THE REACTOR CHANNELS!!
5. When constructing the reactors DO NOT stand in such a position as to trap yourself INSIDE the reactor necessitating its partial deconstruction. If I weren't worried about interference from your corpses I wouldn't bother rescuing you.

That is all (for now)
Sincerely,
Hand of Armok.

[the1337doofus]

A note to Urist McWagonDriver:

Fuck you. Fuck you so much. I know dwarves are stupid. But I know for a fucking fact that even normal dwarves are smarter than you. You PARKED. ON. THE FROZEN. DAMN. RIVER. Congratulations, you've fucked us over and dumped all our food and supplies into the river.

- Overseer Pis S. Edoff

[20firebird]

Note to Everyone,
For the love of god, DUMP THE ROCKS ALREADY. I have two perfectly good garbage dumps, and I know for a fact 30 of you are sitting around doing nothing! Pull your weight!
-Your very angry overseer

[Bumber]

Note to Everyone,
For the love of god, DUMP THE ROCKS ALREADY. I have two perfectly good garbage dumps, and I know for a fact 30 of you are sitting around doing nothing! Pull your weight!
-Your very angry overseer

Dear Overseer,
There may have been a mix up in a recent version of our Standing Order forms. Please enable the gathering of refuse from 'outside' in order to dump stuff from inside the fort. The forms have been corrected for revision number 0.40.15, and we are waiting on distribution.
-Sincerest apologies, Dwarven Bureau of Labor Management

[Chevaleresse]

Dear Urist McMiner 3-11:

I apologize for your sudden. . . bathing. I didn't realize the tremendous flow that a cavern lake was capable of if tapped from the bottom. Your tombs are pretty nice, though.

Dear Kobold Thief:

How, exactly, did you manage to kill two dwarves, four peahens, and three dogs? You're like, waist height on a dwarf.

Dear Urist McMarksdwarf 2, 4, 7, and 9

I know the people dying in front of you were good passing acquaintances, and that you used to be fishermen. But you can't swim. And they died two rooms away. I'm not draining the cistern so I can recover your bodies, so have fun decomposing in the well. Maybe the taste will educate the rest of the population.

[Glimmer]

Dear Urist McBrewer,

you know that we all love to take a break sometimes, or partake in a party, or sleeping out. Building a fortress is stressful as it is, but everyone has to do their part for it to survive and flourish.
But you know what it makes even more stressful?

BEING SOBER! You better swing your stupid ass to the brewery and start working already before our expedition leader kicks your door in and drags you to the butchery! By Armok!


Sincerely,
everyone who's life you make more miserable.

[Akura]

Dear Kobold Thief:

How, exactly, did you manage to kill two dwarves, four peahens, and three dogs? You're like, waist height on a dwarf.

Dear King Murdoc,

Very simple. With a knife. }:D