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[Hitty40]

Dear Urist McDrownedGuy,

When running away from Gobbos, you run the way TOWARDS the fortress wall for safety, not running away near the river and dodging into the water.

                    -The Overseer

[ThatAussieGuy]

Dear Urist McDrownedGuy,

When running away from Gobbos, you run the way TOWARDS the fortress wall for safety, not running away near the river and dodging into the water.

                    -The Overseer

Dear: The Overseer

Couldn't take life as a Dwarf, thought i'd try it as a Carp so i could be feared by all.

Sincerely Urist McDrownedGuy McCarpGuy.

[Iton Ibrukrithzam]

Dear Urist Mctargetdummy,

A wide array of traps, drawbridges and militiadwarves have been installed at the gates to our fort, so that you may be kept safe from goblin attacks.  These do precious little good when you insist on taking your breaks in the middle of a field.

Thanks,
you uncaring God.

[Teronsuke]

Dear Urist McHunter:
I appreciate your enthusiasm to sleep in the dirt and to always kill your target unless you somehow run out of bolts, but would you PLEASE stop hunting down all of the female yaks? I would love to capture and tame one so our Yak Bull we started with could be useful and start making us some baby Yaks for meat/ambush finding with their faces.
-Your overlord, Teron

[Oaktree]

Dear Human Traders,

The area around Windmirrors has previously been posted as a War Zone following the first goblin siege.  This means that you do not loiter when approaching, or panic regarding a few vultures trying to raid our crops.  We do appreciate your crossbowman helping out, but we also think he should have saved his bolts for that 4-squad goblin siege that appeared right after you.

And your delay left you being attacked from three sides.  At which point you went into a brainless frenzy and scattered rather than circle the camels and try for a direct run to the access tunnel where there was relative safety.  Therefore eleven of you lie in shallow graves amidst the bones of our desert landscape.

Dear Goblin Elite Crossbowman,

Yes, we saw those two wonderful head shots you got on our dwarven worshipers of the Sock God.  And you are a wonderful dodger of traps as well it seems.  Well, up until the one serrated glass disc took the top of your head off.  You can't win them all.  And I'm sure your squad enjoyed being led into those traps as well - though they did not seem to get as far.

Dear Urist McBullseye,
We have no idea what you ran out into that bolt crossfire for.  If you didn't have a family and friends we would leave your bones out there with the goblins and humans to be picked at by the vultures.

[GreatWyrmGold]

Dear Drainbases, Alligator,
I know I told your kind that you could kill dwarves that approached you without consequence. However, two distinctions:

1. The dwarves that are O.K. to kill are unarmed so as to reduce the risk to you.
2. Those dwarves are running at you or lying on the ground moaning in pain, not chopping at trees or running from you screaming.

You killed my woodcutter/broker/manager/bookkeeper/etc. He was useful. He had an AXE and was running FROM you! You have refused to face dwarves WITHOUT axes that were running AT you!
I hope you now understand why my actual militia, which has weapons and armor, will be running at you and killing you.
Sincerely,
GreatWyrmGold, Vengeful Overseer.

[AnimaRytak]

Dear Dwarves,
Please stop drinking in the prison.
There's a booze room in the hallway before the prison.  Go drink there.

I told you hoopleheads that you could sit around thumbing your bums in the dining hall.  Why do you feel the need to relax in the most inane places?  Such as maintenance corridors or axle channels?  Or worse, outside the stinkin' fort?

And to the Dutchess,
You've had eight freakin kids last time I counted.  Put a hat on it!

Sincerely,
AnimaRytak

Edit:
(Is it bad that the fortress jail is a nicer place to drink than the dining hall?)

[Greiger]

Well maybe they are very nice chains?

[AnimaRytak]

Well maybe they are very nice chains?

Silver chains actually.  I wanted my miscreants to be happy.
Perhaps I need more decor in the dining hall.  Engravings of elephants and goblins in the fetal position only go so far I suppose.

[Vehudur]

Dear Urist, when a dragon walks in the front door and you're told to flee to the inner keep for your life, do not get Sock Syndrome and cause the dragon to breath fire into what used to be the food stockpile.

[Oaktree]

Dear Baroness,

We have *lots* of gold.  200 bars in the treasury.  Gold furniture in your rooms.  Piles of unsmelted nuggets in the storage room.  Veins of it still in the rock in the mining galleries.

So we fail to be amused that you ban exports of gold items *after* the broker has traded goblets to the Mountainhomes that were forged three years ago.  Not to mention he traded the lower quality ones and kept the better ones for the private dining chambers, such as yours.

And we are less amused that you have sentenced 10% of the fortress population for violating this after the fact mandate.  And since our cells only currently hold two it has been noticed that your orders have led to our master glassmaker, master armorer, and mayor being bludgeoned by metal crossbows wielded by guards cross-trained as hammer dwarves.   

Your rooms will get an additional gold lever installed shortly.  Feel free to gather your entire family there and pull the lever the next time you feel the urge to have justice done.

[Theifofdreams]

Dear Urist Mcstonehauleruselessmigrant
Yes. Your lot in life is a harsh, boring one, full of the mindless drudgery of hauling stone from the mines.
No, this does not mean you get to take extra breaks, or go outside.
On second thought, since you decided to go outside in the middle of a siege, right before the drawbridge closed, make sure to enjoy every last moment, as I'm reasonably certain your last moment will be along shortly.
Sincerely, your incredibly frustrated and amused overseer

[Hitty40]

Dear Urist McScepterArtifactCreator, of Sockdreams,

You DO realize this fortress was founded to supply the Mountainhome's military with fresh socks, correct? The only reason there is a Mason's Workshop is to make rock blocks, and you decide to take it over and make a stone scepter instead of a stone sock. WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!
 
                                                                           -The Overseer

[Jake]

Dear Urist McScepterArtifactCreator, of Sockdreams,

You DO realize this fortress was founded to supply the Mountainhome's military with fresh socks, correct? The only reason there is a Mason's Workshop is to make rock blocks, and you decide to take it over and make a stone scepter instead of a stone sock. WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!
 
                                                                           -The Overseer

Dear Overseer,

The same reason our entire economy is based around making socks. It seemed like a good idea at the time.

Urist.

[Teh_Havvers]

Urist McHunter,

Please refrain from hunting on the surface while I am conducting a test-firing of Firepillar's pressurized magma defense system. While yes you might be on the other side of the map you are decidedly NOT fire-proof and we're in the middle of a grassy plain.

Thanks,
Overseer Havvers