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[Hitty40]

Dear Urist McScepterArtifactCreator, of Sockdreams,

You DO realize this fortress was founded to supply the Mountainhome's military with fresh socks, correct? The only reason there is a Mason's Workshop is to make rock blocks, and you decide to take it over and make a stone scepter instead of a stone sock. WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!
 
                                                                           -The Overseer

Dear Overseer,

The same reason our entire economy is based around making socks. It seemed like a good idea at the time.

Urist.

Dear Urist,

Please do not argue back about our sock-conomy. If you continue, I will personally rip off your left arm and both your legs and throw you with the rest of the demons that we recently discovered.

[Tevish Szat]

Dear Urist McLivesontheedge
While I appreciate your promptness when ordered to remove floor from the edge of the highest level of our monument tower, please remember that when doing so, it would be best if you did not stand on a floor that was being removed by the dwarf next to you.  You got off in the nick of time this time, but if it happens again you could easily fall eleven stories to spatter on the ground, and no one wants that.  It would get blood all over the base of the monument tower.

- Your Overseer


Dear Urist McDemoman
I don't care if you have a grudge against Urist McLivesontheedge, don't try to break the floor out from under him.  Do you have any idea how hard it is to get blood stains off a monument tower?!  Seriously.

-Your Overseer

[Mrhappyface]

Urist McLegendaryMiner

I know you're best bro died, but c'mon! You're my only miner man! You get 5*5 rooms filled with gold statues and furniture! You have a private dining room! I even got plenty mollusks and sunshine for you! But nooooo, you have to be all emo and sulk in the lower mines! For Armok's sake man, no one blames you! But they will if you're emo faggotry condemns this Fort!
-The Overmind

[purpl monstr]

Dear Urist McMayor

You were a great militia commander, the squad you trained made quick work of any goblins and camels that snuck through our traps. I was so happy for you when you were elected mayor, after the unfortunate murder of your predecessor(s).

While I understand that you were elected because you promised to end the chaos currently engulfing the fort, your methods were just too extreme. That lovely steel spear I bought for you tasted the blood of almost a third of the fort. In your berserk rage, you even slaughtered your own children! Well congratulations, you were successful, the dwarves of StreamSpiral have once again had their fill of bloodshed, and the second great tantrum spiral is ended. If the five shell shocked survivors ever get around to cleaning everything, they'll be throwing your corpse in the river.

-The Dark Overlord

[krg]

Dear Urist McEightYearOld,

Please stop claiming jobs that you think you can do. You cant. You only have your left arm remaining. It takes you Forever to get anywhere, Forever to do the simple job of 'Remove construction' then Forever to drag your self back. Please curl up in the meeting area up top and tell stories to the younger children about how you lost both legs and your right arm. I know I for one would love to know.

Thank You,
Your Frustrated Overseer.

[AnimaRytak]

Dear Legendary Axe Dwarf,

You are a god damn God of War.  You, alone, could probably slay 20 goblins without a single injury.

How the hell do you drown in a murky pool?

Signed,
-Your Goddamn Boss

[Hitty40]

Dear Legendary Axe Dwarf,

You are a god damn God of War.  You, alone, could probably slay 20 goblins without a single injury.

How the hell do you drown in a murky pool?

Signed,
-Your Goddamn Boss

Dear Goddamn Boss,

As much as you would think I am, I am not. In fact, I just couldn't handle life anymore. My friends have died over the years, and I just couldn't take it anymore. I thought suicide was the best way.

                              -Spirit of Urist McLegendaryAxeDwarf

[krg]

Dear Urist McWoodcutter / Axedwarf,

When I tell you to go kill the stupid orge that the dogs are keeping contained, this is not the time for a flippin' NAP!!! It's time to go put your axe swinging skills to good use and pretend that the ogre is a tree and make logs out of it. Now move!!

Your overlord,
Krg

[Greiger]

To Local Basilisk population,

For 2 years in a row, nothing but females.  You show up rare enough as it is but you have to have some males someplace.  I have a tame female sitting penned up in my fortress that could really use some spores sent in the direction of her ladylizard parts. 

Since you are all incredibly dangerous, and enjoy picking off my beekeepers the few days of the year you are actually present, I'm afraid I am forgoing my usual policy of ignoring the wildlife, and I'm going to slaughter every single one of you that don't have male bits that show up on the map until one of you knock up "Ms. Stoney"  Nothing personal, But I want my army of metal scaled deadly paralytic war lizards.

The administration of LostGame, Dracon Mountainhome.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
To Female Wyvern,

I totally thought I modded you guys to only show up in evil mountains.  Seems I forgot the evil tag.  Anyway while you are here mind flying into one of those cage traps conveniently scattered about the wilderness?  I probably won't have much better luck breeding you than I am the basilisk, since y'all are even rarer, but more variety in my large poison lizard army couldn't hurt.

The administration of LostGame, (that one place you are hovering over)

[ThatAussieGuy]

To the Dwarves of SwordThunders.  How the hell does at least one of you drop dead of either thirst or hunger per month when your homes are about 20-30 paces from the food storage room?  Especially when it's full of both food AND alcohol?!  Not to mention the well on the level below. 

Sincerely;

Your confused Overlord.

[Tiruin]

To the Dwarves of SwordThunders.  How the hell does at least one of you drop dead of either thirst or hunger per month when your homes are about 20-30 paces from the food storage room?  Especially when it's full of both food AND alcohol?!  Not to mention the well on the level below. 

Sincerely;

Your confused Overlord.

Dear Overlord.

I'm starving and dehydrated but I've clear mind enough to write you this. I don't know why but maybe you locked the door to the larder or made a burrow and put us in it. Without access.

That or you made a ramp that doesn't go the right way, we may have no passage to it.

Yours Truly,
...Hungry

[ThatAussieGuy]

Dear Urist McHungry

There are no ramps, locked doors or burrows of any kind on the main habitation level.  You're doing this all to yourself and I, for once, am quite confused by your strange behaviour.

Sincerely

The (still) Confused Overlord.

[Coreyrn]

Dear Urist McHunter,

I thought it would be a good idea to let you hunt done some animals. Guess you shouldn't have angered that boar. Fortress Population is now down to 6.

-Your expedition leader

Dear Urist McTheOtherOnes,

why did you try to gang up on that alligator without weapons? Fortress Population down to: 4
And you, yes you the remaining minder, why did you dodge this badger only to drown in the river? Population: 3

-Your soon not anymore expedition leader

[Gr33kjester]

Dear Urist McMiner,
I know you hate the Nobels, but flood their rooms (and others) with magma is not acceptable, I am now going to put you up against the Legendary Wrestler (who's cat you killed) who is now having a tantrum,
Have fun!
Comrade Boss

[Greiger]

To The merchant caravan,

There are three goblin ambush squads on the map.  Your guards are fighting them valiantly so that you may get into the safety of the fortress, their heroism will become the stuff of legends.

Why do you get within one tile of the safety of the entrance and then turn around and flee the other way because you see a buzzard?  The buzzard is scared of you too and flew away, but you are fleeing from the buzzard directly into the pikes of the goblin army.

...And your diplomat just arrived on map in the middle of the big melee between your guards and the majority of the goblin army.  You know what?  If this is the kind of stupidity I should expect from your kind I will be happy to shred you all when you get pissy about your diplomat dying.  Despite the name of our fortress it contains the largest, most well equipped and well trained military I have had the honor to command.  I will just see it as you trading us slightly used armor and XP for awhile.

The Administration of LostGame

EDIT:
To the merchant guards of the human caravan.

Oh wow, you destroyed those goblins something fierce.  You routed them before the fortress military could get there, saved 6 out of 7 merchants, protected your dumbass law giver/diplomat and only took one casualty of your own despite 3 to 1 odds.  The merchants went melancholy with the loss of their fellow and won't be trading this year, but it's nice to see that at least some members of your species have two brain cells to rub together. 

The safety of your law giver ensures diplomacy won't collapse, congratulations on a job well done, hope to see you next year.

The administration of LostGame.

P.S.

The flying ({mithril arrow}) strikes The Buzzard in the right lower leg, fracturing the bone!
A motor nerve has been severed, a ligament has been torn and a tendon has been torn!
The Buzzard falls over.
The Buzzard gives in to pain.
The Buzzard slams into an obstacle and blows apart!

Nice shot.