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[Uzu Bash]

Wait, A NOBLE IS DOING GOOD?!

It happens, believe it. My count and my commander both kick ass.

[Samuel]

Dear Gem Setter,
You know, I was kinda hoping you were going to pimp out the new iron armour a little. Not sure why you didn't, I mean, the metalsmith's forge is closer than the wagon you got the rope from. I mean, I suppose we could sell it to the traders, but... I mean, how does one even encrust a rope? How does that even work? You know what, it's fine, it's my fault for assuming one of you morons would take the very undwarfy option of using logic.

Signed,
Your Tired Overseer,

PS putting menacing spikes on a splint is a fantastic idea.

[pixl97]

Dear Gem Setter,
You know, I was kinda hoping you were going to pimp out the new iron armour a little. Not sure why you didn't, I mean, the metalsmith's forge is closer than the wagon you got the rope from. I mean, I suppose we could sell it to the traders, but... I mean, how does one even encrust a rope? How does that even work? You know what, it's fine, it's my fault for assuming one of you morons would take the very undwarfy option of using logic.

Signed,
Your Tired Overseer,

PS putting menacing spikes on a splint is a fantastic idea.

At least you can build the rope in to a well..

I'm still trying to figure out what I'm going to do with this adamantine thong : /

[LoSboccacc]

dear urist mcsoldier and happy comrade:

I knew it. you knew it.
the forgotten best came with a note with handling instruction. as it said right on the tin, beware it's poisonous gas.

that is why I sent you with xbows and masterwork iron bolts, in the case you're still wondering.

you'll not be allowed to come back to the fortress until you survive the quarantine.

[takaratiki]

This time I would like to give thanks to the Hunter who, after being trapped by a goblin ambush and riddled with arrows on the rim of a volcano, boldly decided to go where no dwarf had gone before and took a cannonball over the edge, discovering the forts first Admantine deposit 86-Z levels down in the magma sea. Thanks, fellow, we tip our Dwarven brew to you.

[Loyal]

Dear Hunter McSadist:

Please stop wasting masterwork bone bolts in an attempt to draw out your quarry's suffering. Waiting until the goat is vomiting, pale, fainting, and lying in a 3x3 pool of its own blood, riddled with no less than half a dozen bolts made of the bones of its brethren, before you finally put it out of its misery? Not good form.

Dear Military:

Spar, damnit. I gave you weapons, armor, plenty of space to train, and a flexible schedule. Stop doing individual combat drills. At the very least you could follow/lead a demonstration by that one migrant who showed up with High Master Swording skills or something.

Sincerely,
         O.

[Naes Draw]

Dear Urist McJuniorEngineer,

[Ten_Tacles]

Dear Urist McJuniorEngineer,

Says everything.

[Max White]

Dear dorfs
Poor the blood out of the barrel.
Fill the barrel with booze.
Stop annoying me about barrels!!!

~Max White.

[Naes Draw]

Dear Urist McJuniorEngineer,

Says everything.

I was going to go into the whole mess, but that really does sum it up well.

[Uzu Bash]

Dear Urist Mc-oh hell, any of you'll do.

Maybe you're not a complete retard. Maybe I just haven't tried to understand how you think. Maybe when I see, I really see the Dwarven Way, I will be astounded by your genius. I will smack myself -- oh how could I not see the brilliance before me?

In the meantime, out of all the bewilderingly, suicidally idiotic things I've witnessed from you, there's one thing I've never seen you do: yell at AI's through your computer monitor.

But maybe, given the chance, you would. So who's to say which of us is smarter?

[the great fool]

Dear Urist McClueless:

Why must you run into the cavern just as i start firing ballistas at hellspawn? it doesn't make much sense to me, and im sure as hell that it doesn't make sense to you.
please stop blaming me for your idiotic obsession with getting ballista arrows in your body.

~signed: A fed up leader.

[Greiger]

Dear kitten.

That spider is not cat food.  It is my hopes and dreams of a silk industry.  I went through a whole lot of trouble to retrieve that spider from the caverns.  You are the fortress' only cat.  And although you have adopted one of the more useful members of the fortress, I can get more carpenters.  All I would need to do is remove your owner and you a mewling pile of leather and bones.

Now stop gnawing on my hopes and dreams!

Sincerely,
The administration.

[Hydrall]

Dear Urist McGuard,

Stop strangling random people who enter the barracks while you are sparring. That makes four so far.

[CapnUrist]

Dear Urist McPeasantminer:

I know that digging into a canyon wall aquifer is difficult, especially since you are replacing the legendary Miner who had been taken from up by alligators. However, you may find it easier if you stopped jumping into the pit below with each tile channeled, which as usual immediately fills with water, and as you have experienced no less than five times, washes you into the river. Hopefully one of these times you drown before you reach the stairs up, and I can give your job to someone more competent.