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[Gr33kjester]

And thus ends the communist ideal of equality.

Yes, but, he was instantly killed by an "unfortunate event"

I believe the joke was that, by getting now treated differently, your dorfs didn't benefit the communist ideal of equality anymore.
Or maybe I don't know enough about communism?

EDIT: huh, sorry, you changed your post right before I quoted D:

Sorry, i got something wrong, have some sewer VODKA as a sorry present

[Musashi]

Thank you, comrade Gr33kjester.
Back on topic:

Dear Urist McDiagnoser (ALL OF YOU DOCTORS IN FACT),

Will you stop drinking and take a look at last at Urist McUnluckyWorker who had her head fractured by a friggin' tile that magically detached 10 z-levels right above her head last month?

No thanks,

Your overseer who is seriously considering assigning you an office.

[NewSheoth]

Dear EVERYONE,

STOP THE FUCK DECONSTRUCTING FLOORS HOLDING OTHER FLOORS WITH YOUR FELLOW DWARVES ON THEM.

Signed,
The very ticked off Overseer

[Eric Blank]

Dear Everyone,

Please stop receiving leg/back injuries, 3 permanently crippled dorfs in a fortress of 9 with 4 available workers left over is more than enough.
Also, we have a nearly empty refuse stockpile, please use it more often. I Won't let you dig rooms for yourselves until I see no more important tasks to be completed. I'm also instructing the citizen locked away in his own private mansion not to build anything else for you for now.

Your god,
Armok

[Eric Blank]

Dear EVERYONE,

STOP THE FUCK DECONSTRUCTING FLOORS HOLDING OTHER FLOORS WITH YOUR FELLOW DWARVES ON THEM.

Signed,
The very ticked off Overseer

This can be prevented by designating only one row of floors be deconstructed at any given time. Keep in mind that dwarves prefer to deconstruct a floor from the tile on it's left, so deconstruct things from right to left only. This goes for channeling and construction designations as well.

[NewSheoth]

This can be prevented by designating only one row of floors be deconstructed at any given time. Keep in mind that dwarves prefer to deconstruct a floor from the tile on it's left, so deconstruct things from right to left only. This goes for channeling and construction designations as well.

Yeah, I know. I just get impatient and designate, for example, 6 tiles. Some dwarf invariably gets dropped by his 'friends'.

[Raufgar]

Memo: To all Sane, Bearded Dwarves

Re: Strange odors from Communal Well

We apologize for the less than perfect water that you occasionally partake between your endless booze intake. The above mentioned odor and strange aftertaste is Eu de PuppyCorpse^TM, which was recently added due to the unfortunate result of 4 puppies wandering into our water storage plant during a routine maintenance. By some unlucky chance, 2 out of the 4 puppies survived their 4 z-level fall through our well gates into our patented Dwarf Relocation Objective With Noble Into New Gains, or the D.R.O.W.N.I.N.G.^TM system/ Main Water Storage Reservoir, likely due to landing in water and on their siblings' corpses. They managed to stay alive, with broken legs, in a localized cloud of miasma, surrounded on all sides by water, through 2 seasons, until the Spring thaw finally ended their suffering (by drowning).

As we are unable to provide maintenance of said D.R.O.W.N.I.N.G.^TM system until the first usage of it, due to certain mitigating factors (your fellow nobles are not demanding impossible items yet, but your appointed Mayor seems to be coming quite close, so all attempts to "speed up" said timeframe will be subtly encouraged), please limit your consumption and distribution of said water to all infants and wounded personnel within this fort, since the former have not developed an adult dwarf's refined sense of taste yet and the latter have no choice.

P.S. Washing one's self at the communal well is NOT encouraged in the wake of this debacle, as some of said dirt (and puke, and blood, and guts, etc.) has found its way into the system as well (how exactly I do not want to know, I suspect some highly recalcitrant & uncaring people), one can see the remains floating about during the first maintenance.

Yours Sincerely,

Your (fairly nauseated) Overseer.

[Uzu Bash]

Dear Urist McSockDropper,

I can be understanding about your children leaving their clothes laying around, but you, you're a grown dwarf and - hey, I'm trying to build a road over here, so could you please pick up your pants!  And you, soldier, you have less excuse. You've got the requisition room and your personal locker, so why are my barracks still a mess?!

Oh, are you done mining, Count? Just put that pick anywhere, what a fantastic example you make for the rest of them...

Your Overseer (not your goddamn mother -- hey! don't make me repeat myself, mister!)

[Spaghetti7]

Dear the civilian population of Woodshack,

Yes, I do acknowledge that the sheriff can punch your brain in through your face in one hit, but please get back to work gathering FOOD. It's your own fault you are dying.
Also, tiddles is long gone. Please stop complaining.

Ruler

[NewSheoth]

Dear Miners,

Re: Magma Industry Hall Excavation

STOP THE FUCK RUNNING TO ME TO TELL THAT THE ROCK IS WARM!! WE'RE RIGHT OVER THE MAGMA SEA, IT WOULD'VE BEEN STRANGE IF IT WASN'T WARM!! SHUT UP AND DIG, EVERYTHING'S CHECKED AND FINE!!

Signed,

Still very ticked off Overseer

[GreatWyrmGold]

Dear [insert goblin word for dagger here]:
I know that you don't have a battleaxe. Is it so hard, however, to cut down a tree with a bigger axe? I know you can hold it; I saw you with it. Or maybe that was [insert goblin word for dagger here], but you'd get precedence; I'd give my military crossbows if I didn't have enough axes.
Sincerely,
Someone who wants more than three wood until we strike metal

[Herbiie]

Dear Urist McSoldiers,

It has come to my attention that there is a distinct lack of urgency when there is a siege to man the walls. When the alarm bell starts ringing - Do not go to bed. Do not start a party. Get on the wall, and earn your pay.

Yours,
Garrison Commander

[nordak]

Dear Residents of Rockmines

I do not appreciate the repeated delays in reaching the lava.  Your sole purpose is to harvest lava to be used in my glory, further delays will result in you all being sacrificed in said lava.

To your death
Armok

[dogstile]

Dear Urist McOtherMayor,

you seem to have an unhealthy passion for maces. First, you forbid their exportation, which didn't change a damn thing anyway because no merchant showed up during that mandate. Then you ordered to have maces made. I spent precious ore that could be put to much better use to make these, knowing no one in my army would ever equip these. I fulfilled your request a bit before the deadline, that was fine.
What do you ask for next?
EVEN MORE ARMOKFORSAKEN MACES.
Just what the hell do you plan to do with all these maces?!
...
... wait, actually, I don't think I want to know, after all.

Signed,
your overseer.

P.S. : watch your office.

You lucky git. My Mayor keeps demanding rings and my other nobles all want items out of metals I DON'T HAVE.

I would kill for a noble that only wanted maces

[Zidane]

Dear Urist McMechanic,

It has come to my attention that you lost an arm whilst replacing a cage trap. Normally this should not happen, since most of those traps do not even have menacing spikes of oak. I would feel sorry but I don't, do you wish to know why? The reason why, is that you chose to replace a cage, during a siege, a cage that several goblin lashers were milling around. Unless you didn't get the memo, lashers are the anti-thesis of safety, this has been demonstration before.

Also, stop complaining about the Goblin lasher, he's in a cage, if you continue you shall feel his whip again.

Your overseer,
                     Urist McMayor.