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[Corai]

Dear Mayor

NO I WONT GET YOU A WINDOW, I GOT NO SAND!


-Overseer

Dear Overseer,

I DON'T CARE IF WE HAVE NO SAND, I WANT THAT WINDOW AND I WANT IT NOW.

Sincerely, the mayor.

Dear Major

Actually, I made a shaft to send the window! Ignore the heat pull that lever to get it! Dont mind your room is being walled in....

-Overseer

[Schizotek]

Dear Residents of Angelspear

I want a rematch, If you're out of warriors i'll settle for uppity nobles.

Sincerely the Nidhoggr

Nidhoggr-
That was a rematch. And you only killed 23 dwarves this time. 4 of them were legendary. Dick. And all of my drakes, however many that was. But they were kinda useless.
-The dude whos making helms out of your hilariously expensive bones

[jaxy15]

Dear Giant Olm,

We dropped that troglodyte into the channel so you could kill it. Why the hell did you let it beat you up? Last time I checked, our metalcrafter who is now a ranger trained you pretty good.

Sincerely, the overseer.

[Darkening Kaos]

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Dear Bembul Uzolginet,

Life is all about timing.

From the immaterial desk of;
The Lord of All-Things.

[Splint]

Dear hivers of crazedlabors

If the Giant Wolf Spiders are scaring you so much, sac up and kill them yourself or wait for Captain Turris to come beat them to death with his Autogun, or quit spamming canclation messages about not being able to get a drink from the well., or alternativly drink the bottled water in the fucking watr purifier like a normal person.

And Convallis, hurry the hell up with the digging. i know you're working alone since we forgot to bring spar rockdrills, but we need our pill boxes and rockcrete for necessities and forge fuel.

Sincerly,
Lacinia ' Splint ' Harenventus, your Overseer.

Dear Giant Wolf Spiders,

Can you please leave my poor hivers alone? You keep scaring the piss out of them while they chop trees or get water and I don't have enough bullets to kill you lot.

Signed -see previous signature-

[Greiger]

To that damn Magma Crab.

Congratulations on your induction into my 'I hate you' list.  I havent had a single non civilised critter cripple so many fortress residents.  Usually I send in the military by the 2nd one.  But you are benefiting from your unique habitat in that my crossbowguys can't see through the magma to shoot you, and my melee guys can't get to you to stab you.

So far you have severely wounded or permanently crippled 2 furnace operators, my fortress' only competent weaponsmith, 2 members of the crossbow squad and a paramedic.

So far no deaths thanks to the quick working medical team.  But keep it up and I'll do something horrible to you like...uh....flood you with magma?....Crap.   I'll think of something.   You are on notice buster.

The administration of WaterGate.

[martinuzz]

Dear miss Urist.

How many times now have I told you.
DO NOT GIVE BIRTH WHILE STANDING IN THE DANGER ROOM
Hmmm. Looking at your profile, it seems this is the first time I'm telling you this.
Well then. Let this be a lesson. Now please go and speak to your remaining son about that tantrum hes about to throw, and tell him to stop whining about his little dead sister who he never even met, and put on some pants.

[wastedlands]

To that damn Magma Crab.

Congratulations on your induction into my 'I hate you' list.  I havent had a single non civilised critter cripple so many fortress residents.  Usually I send in the military by the 2nd one.  But you are benefiting from your unique habitat in that my crossbowguys can't see through the magma to shoot you, and my melee guys can't get to you to stab you.

So far you have severely wounded or permanently crippled 2 furnace operators, my fortress' only competent weaponsmith, 2 members of the crossbow squad and a paramedic.

So far no deaths thanks to the quick working medical team.  But keep it up and I'll do something horrible to you like...uh....flood you with magma?....Crap.   I'll think of something.   You are on notice buster.

The administration of WaterGate.

(Written on the legbone of Urist McPermaCrippled)
To Admin WaterGate:

Come at me, I could always use another xXCatLeatherThongXx. Next time though, tell your dwarves to put on some pants.

Yours forever, that Damned Magma Crab.

[Splint]

From: Urist McInjured
To: Overseer

All of us in the infirmary have talke dit out. We vote you obsidianize that magma crab's ass when you get the chance.

Sincerely,
Urist McInjured

[luisedgm]

Dear Ignorant Dwarves

WHEN I TELL YOU TO PLACE THAT ARTIFACT IN THE PLATINUM BIN THAT IS IN THE ARTIFACT STOCKPILE RIGHT BEHIND YOU DONT RUN TO THE OTHER SIDE OF THE FORT TO GET A DAMN WOODEN BIN AND USE IT TO STORE THE ARTIFACT.

Sincerely,
An Enraged Overseer.

[TheeBaconman]

Dear inhabitants of my tunnel vision fort.

That jeweler is not resting in the coffin, he is stinking up the main hallway in the jeweler's workshop where he stayed. After you told me he was gone for a week, and you discovered him shortly after. But then, nobody brought him to the coffin. I was prepared to go on a vampire hunt, but you ruined the fun with your stupidity.

It's bad enough we're at peace with the gobbos, and the thieves and snatchers get caught by the masons or cats.

Hatefully, your overlord.

P.S. But considering our fort's safety, I have decided to be slightly adventurous. Don't worry, not at all as adventurous as you have heard of other forts (the master bookkeeper cannot calculate the appropriate low percent this project will be), but there may be needless hilarious death reports anyway.

P.S.S. We are all going to hell. Literally. That is all.

[jaxy15]

Dear naked moled dogs,

Please, just breed. We catch several mole dogs every season, and we train them well. Just breed for once.

Sincerely, the overseer.

[Corai]

Dear giant sponge



STOP SCARING MY FISHERDWARFS, YOU CANT EVEN MOVE.



Love, Overseer

[jaxler]

To that damn Magma Crab.

Congratulations on your induction into my 'I hate you' list.  I havent had a single non civilised critter cripple so many fortress residents.  Usually I send in the military by the 2nd one.  But you are benefiting from your unique habitat in that my crossbowguys can't see through the magma to shoot you, and my melee guys can't get to you to stab you.

So far you have severely wounded or permanently crippled 2 furnace operators, my fortress' only competent weaponsmith, 2 members of the crossbow squad and a paramedic.

So far no deaths thanks to the quick working medical team.  But keep it up and I'll do something horrible to you like...uh....flood you with magma?....Crap.   I'll think of something.   You are on notice buster.

The administration of WaterGate.

Dear administer of Watergate:

If magma won't work, then obsidianize the sick bastards.

from: mechanics guild

[Terratoch]

To Urist McWoodCutters
RE: Battle Axes
Body:
Those adamantine battle axes are for our military. Not for you. The axes you have function perfectly well for what you use them for: cutting down trees.
If you continue to insist on laying claim to axes expressly constructed for our military, you will be drafted, and put on the forefront during the next siege with those axes you love so much.


And. Nothing. Else.

Kindly yours,
-The Management.