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[Squirrelloid]

I had a tanner (most useless moodable skill ever) produce a water buffalo leather piccolo artifact.  Yes, that's right, its literally a skin flute.

[Z1000000m]

I won't even ask which part of the buffallo's skin was used in construction.

[Sutremaine]

tanner (most useless moodable skill ever)

They're pretty useful at the moment since a skin clutters a workshop as much as a whole animal. Plus, tanner moods are higher up on my list of desired moods simply because the skill takes so long to train.

[Pukako]

WHAT IS IT WITH THE SOCK FETISH!?!?

And even worse is the name - so disturbing on many levels, especially when you consider IT'S A SOCK!!!

[Fidna]

A bismuth bronze goblet. No decorations. It's lame. Worse though, it stalled my production of weapons during a siege, when I needed more weapons to fight the damn goblins. I was trying to run a small fort, and only had the one forge. ...Stupid dwarven shmuck.

[Angel Of Death]

And even worse is the name - so disturbing on many levels, especially when you consider IT'S A SOCK!!!

What? Dorfs don't breed like humans, they breed through spores. The need some alone time, too.
_{Even if the alone time is staring at a sock for half an hour.}

[celem]

My useless bearded midgets have turned out 5 trade good artifacts in a row

[Serrational]

My useless bearded midgets have turned out 5 trade good artifacts in a row

Pain is not pain, until you have felt the wrath of repeated possessions and useless artifacts.

[Urk]

This is not useless artifact at all, actually artifact bed is one of best furniture for noble rooms.

But this is probably most disturbing artifact i have ever got...

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

"The Sick Bear" huh?! It has lots of red and pink decorations, and whats up with those pink "tall crosses" 

I have tons of artifacts in my fortress (19 years old fortress by the way) and i had not even noticed this particular bed until i did some engravings to my cemetery area, and wondered why my engraver did image of bed in the middle of cemetery (image is named "The Phlegm of Cold").

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

What i should do with this weird bed? 

[krenshala]

WHAT IS IT WITH THE SOCK FETISH!?!?

And even worse is the name - so disturbing on many levels, especially when you consider IT'S A SOCK!!!

OK, with this one you need to create the Sock Temple talked about in another thread.  The one with the retracting drawbridge between the entrance and the Sock, that drops all that attempt to reach it to their doom. 

[Deus Machina]

The worst I remember was a worthless base stone table (it wasn't even gneiss!) sporting only a picture of a large roach.

I can only imagine how that went over in the dining hall.

[hjd_uk]

A Gneiss ring, bands of gneiss. No embellishments. 3600 Ur. :| Ive got non artifact objects worth far more than that...

[FoiledFencer]

My smithey toiled for months and presented me with Delethsċkzul, The Polished Trumpets - a gold shoe.

It is encircled with bands of giant cave spider silk, adorned with hanging rings of goblin bone and sunstone and menaces with spikes of gold. On the item is an image of a crescent moon in native aluminum. On the item is an image of Urist McQueen in schist. Urist McQueen is surrounded by the dwarves. This image relates to the ascension of the dwarf Urist McQueen to the position of queen of The Adventurous Dagger in 77.

I don't know if this is supposed to be a cindarella thing, but I am not amused.

[Naryar]

WHAT IS IT WITH THE SOCK FETISH!?!?

And even worse is the name - so disturbing on many levels, especially when you consider IT'S A SOCK!!!

So I see DF has not wiped out your sensitivity and empathy yet...

[Dude_Jebawe]

Behold the most INSANELY RIDICULOUS ARTIFACT EVER!