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[Nyxalinth]

Behold the most INSANELY RIDICULOUS ARTIFACT EVER!

The name sounds vaguely lewd!

[Dante]

I would have expected the actual object to be something more phallic, like a hammer.    _{Or possibly a mask.}

[SheepishOne]

There is a fine line between "Worst" and "Best" sometimes.

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[loser]

There is a fine line between "Worst" and "Best" sometimes.

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The sweetest decision apparently leads to god laughing at you while you take advantage of some woolen clams.

Hopefully they're machine washable.

[Audioworm333]

Some dwarf just made Mirstalanan, "The Velvety Nights", a mudstone trumpet.

"This is a mudstone trumpet. All craftsdwarfship is of the highest quality. It is encrusted with mudstone and encircled with bands of mudstone."

And he was possessed, so he didn't even become a legendary stonecrafter.
I think I will have to arrange an unfortunate accident.
EDIT: I am now in the process of introducing it to the Dwarven Atom Smasher.

[Nyxalinth]

Some dwarf just made Mirstalanan, "The Velvety Nights", a mudstone trumpet.

"This is a mudstone trumpet. All craftsdwarfship is of the highest quality. It is encrusted with mudstone and encircled with bands of mudstone."

And he was possessed, so he didn't even become a legendary stonecrafter.
I think I will have to arrange an unfortunate accident.
EDIT: I am now in the process of introducing it to the Dwarven Atom Smasher.

This is a Dwarven Atomsmasher.  All craftsdwarfship is of the hgihest quality.  On the item is an image of Mirstalanan, "The Velvety Nights", a mudstone trumpet.  It is being smashed by an atom smasher.

On the item is an image of Urist McPosessed the Stonecrafter.  Urist McPossessed is squashed flat

[Serrational]

But how? The atom-smasher smashes through time itself, leaving no trace of the event having happened.

[Wirevix]

My current fort is having mixed luck--artifact #3 was a bronze spear, and artifact #4 was an oak bucket with a bunch of decorations that some dwarf is currently running around with to give water to a dwarf that got her hand ripped off by badgers.  So those are awesome (although the spear is cursed--its previous two owners have both been killed by badger men.)

But the first two artifacts of the fort were not so nice.  Both with only the one free decoration (bands on one, an image of tunnel tubes on the other), a citrine scepter named Istikal "The Shriveled Pinnacles," and a red zircon crown named Lebes Ikal "The Apex of Healers."  Still, such is life, dumb crafts are inevitable and at least I got legendaries out of them... the main thing that makes them my Worst Ever is that there is something amiss.

They refuse to be stockpiled.  They have both been sitting on the front lawn (inside a wall, but still) since they were made.  No one will haul them away.  They're pretty much begging to be stolen, except there are no item thieves (kobolds extinct, no sign of raccoons or the like on this map) so they're just going to... sit there.  On the front lawn.  Forever.

[Turnoverman]

My third artifact ever was... odd...

"Duralgan Luslemkurel, "Honoreddishes the puzzling Lions", a iron goblet

This is a iron goblet. All craftsdwarfship is of the highest quality. On the item is an image of Honoreddishes the Puzzling Lions the iron globlet in iron. On the item is an image of a greaves in sard."

Not only is it an iron goblet, it's an iron goblet that doesn't make anything resembling sense and the person that made it got his strange mood while running the hell away from some goblins (no clue how he got away, until I saw that he started construction I assumed he was soon to be dead). Speaking of which, this artifact's creation marked the end of a goblin attack that ended with an insane expedition leader, thirteen dead other people (three of which were part of the starting seven), and a very unhappy legendary mason that was only saved by a dining room with 38ish statues of his own design in it. My second artficact ever (and this fort's first) was a perfect tigereye... encrusted with tigereye... that does, however, beg the question of how, exactly, do you encrust something... with itself. I suppose the tigereye wasn't that useless, though, it's maker netted me some very valuable cut gems from being legendary and all. Then again, in the same vein, now I have a legendary metalcrafter.

My first artifact ever was kinda cool, though. In my first fort I just barely ended up setting up a forge in time to get a possessed blacksmith to make a golden cage bristling with gold spikes.

Here's to hoping my fourth artifact ever is something made with that awesome red stone I keep finding.

[Nyxalinth]

But how? The atom-smasher smashes through time itself, leaving no trace of the event having happened.

A (as yet unimplemented) wizard did it