My little idea
Giant mosquitos and flies laying eggs right in your warm belly? Check
Radioactive water that turns you into madman? Check
Venomous snakes on every tree just waiting to kill you? Check
Xenophobic rednecks and ambushing mutants? Check
Welcome to the Great River of Death
part oi - monsters of the swamps
Say hello to the old Frank. Old Frank was born in Miami and spent his whole life here in the middle of Venomous SwampsSo, yer hankerin' t'settle hyar? Th' Great Rivah of Death don't like noocomers. Oh, ah see thet yo' won't change yer mind so easily so, please, set down an' lissen old Ole Man Frank's tale of terrible monsters thet live hyar...
-Man-Eater AlligatorThis hyar reppile, sweetie, is probably ze only creature mo' trimenjus than yer Mammy-in-law an' let me git this hyar straight, it's even mo'e 'ggressive.
-Post-American AlligatorAh's purdy sho'nuff yo've already read about them, dawgone it. In fack, nothin' has changed, cuss it all t' tarnation... fine, nothin' eff'n we weren't their main dish.
-RadoonThet's notcher hansum fluffy racoon yo' haf in No'th. This hyar big as yer houn'dog creature will does ennythin' t'git inside yer camp, steal yer grub an' piss in yer shoes. An' did ah menshun their piss is radioackive?
-Giant ToadLazy an' trimenjus as a houn'dog Mammyfucker, eatin' vahmins an' hoomins alike. Look out, his hide is covahed in venom thet will likely kill yo'.
-Land ShrimpOne tasty fucker. Remember t'try Ed's shrimp an' garlic.
-Great Black HeronOne of th' largess of th' South Car'linan herons. Yo' say thet ah probably mean BLUE heron? Oh no, mah friend, this hyar one is even larger. An' whuffo' black? Havin' yer win's covahed in oil is a reason fine inough fo' me. He kin't fly but his beak killed menny guys like yo' befo'e. Some call him chile-eater but doesn't reckon 'bout it.
-Cottonmouth Snake and RattlesnakePurdy common snakes, mah li'l fella. Remember t'have yer medicine nearby as wif no antitoxin nearby, yer as fine as daid.
-Giant Mud SnakeThis hyar one is so trimenjus it don't even need venom, dawgone it. Remember th' "mud" part, 'cuz thass whar yer bones will lay af'er he diges' yo'.
-Swamp BloatflyAn on over sized inseck, th' Bloatfly used t'be an o'dinary fly, but now hunts hoomins fo' prey. Th' wo'st part, howevah, thet them thin' isn't killin' hoomins right thar, on spot. They LAY eggs in their vickim fo' th' larvae t'eat.
-Breeding BobThem bloated hoomins mad as a weasel in a blender fum pain (remember, they is ett up fum th' inside) will does ennythin' t'be put down an' ind their agony.
-MudmanSpendin' too much time in th' water will probably turn th' guy like yo' into them. Mudmen ack wo'se than feral houn'dogs huntin' hoomins an' animals alike.