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[Itnetlolor]

I'm worried that I worry other people.

At least you are not worried that other people are worrying about your excessive worrying. Its a vicious cycle.

I'm worried that I might worry about someone else's excessive worrying about other people worrying about their excessive worrying. Vicious cycle, it is.

[Gunner-Chan]

That sounds quite a bit like mine.

[Hippoman]

Suicide/Homicide.

Having these thoughts every once in a while is perfectly normal. Suicidal thoughts come and go, as do homicidal ones. Try not to think too much about them, and keep yourself occupied by something else, preferably bright and optimistic, or at least funny.

They're constant.

[Gunner-Chan]

So are mine, you just kinda have to... Tune them out.

[Lord Dullard]

Then you should seek the help of a professional, not an internet community.

[Hippoman]

Then you should seek the help of a professional, not an internet community.

I'm not seeking help.
I'm just stating what makes me worried is growing ever constant.

[Lord Dullard]

Well, if you're thinking of suicide and murder a lot, it probably wouldn't be a bad idea to seek the help of someone. Either someone you know/trust well already, or someone who's trained to deal with stuff like that.

Everyone thinks about such things now and then, but if you were serious when you said 'constant', that might be a problem.

[Hippoman]

Well, if you're thinking of suicide and murder a lot, it probably wouldn't be a bad idea to seek the help of someone. Either someone you know/trust well already, or someone who's trained to deal with stuff like that.

Everyone thinks about such things now and then, but if you were serious when you said 'constant', that might be a problem.

I think about everything. I think everything through. I've just been thinking about suicide more than usual so I dunno, since if I we're to suicide, i'd probably do a homicide suicide.

[WorkerDrone]

I'm worried I need to reevaluate my life.

I'm worried about what I'm going to do in the short term, say, the next three months, because it only took one hour of being home and the length of one post to this one for me to feel even worse.

I'm going to be perfectly honest.

For me, anger remains more of a fuel for spiraling depression because I've spent years building my coping system around not letting out anger at people but rather in safe environments. This may or may not also affect my ability to talk about my feelings or I could just be making this even harder because my emotional state is about a dull as a rock but hard as steel.

Anger is never explosive rage, I can't afford that, I'd kill myself or someone else, and I'm far to in control of myself to let that happen.

Unfortunately, I just can't shake years of intolerance for my past transgressions to forgive myself or allow anyone to try and ease my own problematic self vendetta either. I only push these people away I see now, and I'm sorry.

I'm sorry everyone that I'm not what I and you thought I was. I'm sorry I'm strong in all of the wrong ways and utterly feeble before you now.

I'm sorry that I can't do more for you right this very moment.

So that's all I have to say I guess.

I'm sorry.

[Aqizzar]

I can't speak to too much else about your situation Drone, but just in case it hasn't come up before - Beyond how you want to deal with anger, have you considered what it is that makes you angry enough all the time that you have problems letting it out?  Why do you have to bundle it up in the first place?

[Gunner-Chan]

I think his problem is more he just has a short fuse, and he doesn't usually have a save way to let it out.

You need to find an outlet for that, one you can resort to constantly if need be. I eventually took to writing my thoughts down, just saying what I was thinking and feeling on paper so I can see it for what it really was and let it out. I already carry a notepad around to help myself remember things given my memory is absolutely terrible due to head injury's so it's easy for me.

[Neruz]

Suicide/Homicide.

Having these thoughts every once in a while is perfectly normal. Suicidal thoughts come and go, as do homicidal ones. Try not to think too much about them, and keep yourself occupied by something else, preferably bright and optimistic, or at least funny.

On the contrary, think about these thoughts very carefully. Like all thoughts, there a reasons behind suicidal and homicidal thoughts, and ensuring one knows why he is feeling suicidial is vitally important; you can't do anything about it if you don't know why you feel that way.

If you just try and ignore the thoughts and don't deal with the underlying issue then it can snowball badly.

Of course, if after analysing the thoughts you determine that you're feeling suicidal because daddy didn't buy you your very own Plasma Screen TV, then feel free to ignore that thought, because it will pass.

[sonerohi]

The notecard system does work wonders if you can refrain from just writing the f word as many times as possible on one side.

     I'm starting to get worried about whether or not I'm challenging myself properly for college or not. By all accounts, from teachers, government tests and exams, school required pre-placement exams, etc. I should be in, and doing well in, more honors and AP classes, but I can't see it happening. My whole school career, I've been socially retarded, but I've replaced that with excessive reading and learning. Now that highschool actually matters (screw off, gradeschool) I don't feel any of that drive. The teachers and classes are cool, but they don't really give me a chance to shine at all. I feel hindered by the low expectations placed on everyone else, and disinterested in class because 90% of it is teachers trying to coax everyone else into regurgitating facts from a textbook that we read 5 minutes ago. As a result, homework grades are consistently being did-not-do's or incomplete's because I can't find any interest in taking 30 minutes to answer questions that were answered 5 times in the reading selection that accompanies it.

I've noticed disinterest in a lot of things really, though. The prospect of socializing with my grade level is nausea inducing because I can't find any substance to them or any real connections. The year below and above me, I'm well entangled in the social web and enjoy it, but only get the chance to hang out with groups from either year  occasionally. My year just seems unnecessarily  shallow and cliq-ish and petty, entirely focused on what the weekly drama is and on causing more drama instead of hanging out and going places. I have trouble enjoying my usual past-time of reading, because I can't find any good literature that I don't already have a copy of or know through infamy. I can't enjoy the computer games I own because all I can see in it is the... the gamey-ness and what isn't there. I'm left with my mind, which I can't even fully enjoy. Normally I'll sit and contemplate or create within my mind, but I've taken an apathy to that also due to a lack of conversational partners regarding my contemplation, and the lack of skill with a medium that would convey my creations well enough to entice me to it. This apathy worries me too. Depression runs pretty strong in my family(thanks the fuck a lot grandpa), and I'm concerned if I'm just beginning to display early stages.   

[Neruz]

Don't worry sonerohi, you're suffering from an extremely common condition called "Adolescence". You'll grow out of it.

[Tack]

I'm worried, WorkerDrone, that you're getting soft.
Seriously the amount of times that you've told me to stop being such a wuss, I never would have expected all this. And, true, every time you've told me to stop being a wuss, I've deserved it, and, half an hour on, I've felt better for it. Because you are the indominable rock of granite that I always wanted to be.

Now. What you need to do is, if you want your life to hold any significance at all from this point on. Sharpen your chainsword. Go find that guy who stabbed you... and.. kill him.
Or. Just let it go. Seriously, the only reason people worry about you know is probably because you're acting differently, or even thinking differently, and they can see it. I'm actually astounded that I'd know about this better than someone four years older than me, but, pacifism will not solve all of your problems. And anger is just a form of emphasising your thoughts on a particular subject. Sure, anger of the point of *I'mma cut ya* Is just unhealthy, if not for you, but, for the person it's directed towards. It's a form of communication. Use it to it's full advantage. Fight and argue for the things you believe in, for the people who wish to repress the things you believe in are the people who make you angry, and, your opinion will only mean more if it's shouted at them with fire in your eyes.

Also. I hate doctors and psychiatrists. They never give a straight answer, and you'll never get anywhere with them unless you tell them the answers yourself, or, unless you're bleeding or throwing up. For "in your head" matters, it's just stupid. Don't trust them, don't go to them anymore. Just be happy with what you've got, Or. Find something that will make you happier. For instance, you should be happy that so many people love you enough TO worry about you. A lot of people don't have that.


And yeah, I'm gonna regret posting this in half an hour, but, whatever.