I've felt the way I've felt a few times before, but I've decided, may as well post it here this time. After all, not talking about it hasn't exactly produced miraculous results.
Basically, I've been wondering "What good am I?", and the only answers I've been able to provide are along the lines of "Honestly, not much, really. You can do things, but you don't, and other people your age have done things that you could have done but didn't."
Additionally, I've been thinking about how little of my life I remember save times of misfortune and failure.
For instance, I can't really remember what it was like to learn how to multiply numbers when I was in elementary school, but I do remember the time the teachers found out I didn't know how when all the other kids did. They put me in a room with a teacher and a sheet on the basics.
I spent most of my half hour or so in that room picking rocks out of my shoes, and daydreaming about things I can't really remember.
By the time the half-hour was up, the teacher who had been watching me not work walked off with another teacher to talk about how I was doing, and I remember hearing the teacher talk about how I had spent most of it "playing with [my] shoes."
I don't remember how I felt about that back comment back then. I do know that when I grew older, I felt ashamed about hearing that, and even now, I continue to feel ashamed when I think about it.
There's other things, too. Things I don't really feel the most comfortable posting about here - or for that matter, anywhere else. Not yet. One "thing" may not have even happened at all.
But, to sum up that particular thing I'm feeling sad about, it's occurred to me that, if my life were to flash before my eyes, I might have literally nothing but bad things. It's hardly the most comforting of thoughts.
One last thing before I hit "Post" so I can keep from second-guessing myself -- I've avoided posting things like this because everyone else's problems always seem so much bigger. Take LordBaal's post just above mine. I haven't been murdered or raped at all. I'm not trapped in a country where money is about as valuable as words. I'm not suffering family problems that involve genuine malice. I'm relatively well off compared to, well, a lot of people.
What right do I have to complain?
Hell, operating on that logic, I probably still don't have a right to complain. But, again, saying nothing about my feelings hasn't produced miraculous results, so, why not? Worst comes to worst, you can tell me to stop posting these things, or simply abstain from responding.
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Topic: Things that made you sad today thread. (Read 9778953 times)