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[Kot]

I'm having really bad time again, for the same reason as usual.
Apparently started calling this as my attacks of [inserthername]holism. I find this pretty amusing, to be honest, but I would preffer not having them.

[Jopax]

... they didn't give you those little sunglasses things? Always seemed to have the thin plastic whatsits when I've gone in for dilation and they. Well, are better than nothing. Mostly.

Nope, this wasn't a regular checkup, more something on the side that the doctor herself arranged. What made matters more fun was later in the day when I kinda got better but still needed sunglasses to go out I couldn't find mine because my sister (who has, like, five different pairs) borrowed them and couldn't remember where she put them in her incredibly messy room. Took one of her pairs in the end (and I think I'll keep them too) but that was an annoying 20 minute search :V

[Harry Baldman]

Both of the times I had my pupils dilated for an eye checkup it was a sunny day in February, and there was snow absolutely everywhere. There's no snow blindness like post-checkup snow blindness (E: not that it was actual snow blindness, really, just a slight bit of blinding light). Thinking about it now, I'm wondering if I'm lucky I didn't get permanent eye damage from that.

Of course, that was only for two of my three eye checkups. The third one didn't call for pupil dilation. Instead they used a thingamajig that blew air into my eye. This was uniquely unpleasant in a different way, but at least didn't make me farsighted for pretty much the entire remainder of the day.

[IcyTea31]

I'm feeling detached and antisocial for no reason that I can see. I managed to put on a mask long enough to play a gig, but even though it went well, I just feel worse afterwards.

[ChairmanPoo]

I just puked yesterday's dinner. Which doesnt make any sense. It has been 20 hours.

PD: Still feeling sick after not having eaten in all day Had to spent all day lying down

Slightly better, though. I'm sticking to tea and rooibos as only sources of nourishment for the time being. Not like I feel hungry at all anyway, the idea of eating anything revolts me right now.

Bad timing. Flying back home tomorrow

[chaotic skies]

Help. My mask of "I care about your problems and don't have any of my own" is cracking and people are starting to see that I actually have about a million problems. I was starting to like this area, too. Looks like I might have to move at some point in the near future. Again.

[TheBiggerFish]

Chaotic, you do not need to flee just because you can't sweep everything under the rug.  You shouldn't be doing that.

[Baffler]

Chaotic, you do not need to flee just because you can't sweep everything under the rug.  You shouldn't be doing that.

Indeed. The facade breaking is a good thing tbh, unless you don't trust a single one of them to (from what it sounds like) reciprocate it just sounds like you're on track to making friends.

[TheBiggerFish]

And what Baffler said.

[SchmittLenin]

I was just told that I couldn't get in the Armed Forces because I had a depression a few years ago. Father disappointed, Mother thinks I'm going to become a welfare leech due to my lack of higher education, Sister finishing her first year of university with excellent grades and openly rubbing it in my face, Aunts and Uncles telling me to find a minimum wage job so that I stop being a burden to my parents, Younger cousins all working and keep telling me that having loads of cash is really nice, Young Godson and Goddaughter nice to me but told by their mother that I'm not a good role-model for them, Remaining family members telling me that only losers join the army anyway. Fuck my life

[chaotic skies]

My ability to sweep everything under the rug and having a near-perfect ability to act happy is the only reason I even have friends. The only time I've ever taken that facade down, all I got was disgust, pity, and contempt. I don't want any of that, least of all pity. So, I leave when I have to, and make sure what I actually think and feel never comes to light.

[SchmittLenin]

My ability to sweep everything under the rug and having a near-perfect ability to act happy is the only reason I even have friends. The only time I've ever taken that facade down, all I got was disgust, pity, and contempt. I don't want any of that, least of all pity. So, I leave when I have to, and make sure what I actually think and feel never comes to light.

Being pitied and held in contempt is bad (Trust me, I feel your pain), but going against your true nature is worst : One day, you'll wake up in the middle of the night to the realization that you've lived a stranger's life and that your real "you" means nothing to anyone (Which is an horrible feeling, no matter who you are...)

[chaotic skies]

I never got to be the real me. The "real" me died the night my mother left, and any remnants were erased when my uncle, who was essentially my dad at that point, died. From then on, I've been whatever fits my current situation best. Because if I hadn't of addapted, I would have been left at the side of the road as a piece of useless trash. So, yes. I'm living a stranger's life. But it's the only one I've ever known, so I don't know what my "real" life is like.

[Helgoland]

I was just told that I couldn't get in the Armed Forces because I had a depression a few years ago.

Wait, that's a reason not to get in?


Damn, that's rather not-nice. What country are you in?

[Amperzand]

I never got to be the real me. The "real" me died the night my mother left, and any remnants were erased when my uncle, who was essentially my dad at that point, died. From then on, I've been whatever fits my current situation best. Because if I hadn't of addapted, I would have been left at the side of the road as a piece of useless trash. So, yes. I'm living a stranger's life. But it's the only one I've ever known, so I don't know what my "real" life is like.

As far as I can tell, you really, really need an actual friend. If you don't have anybody you trust enough to let the walls break, that's its own problem, and one I'd advise you seek to rectify.

_{^{...Of course, I speak from a perspective of not dealing with that level of unfortunate shit, so hey, what do I know.}}