This kind of also belongs in the terrified today thread, but I'm a bit too apathetic right now to waste brain power trying to figure out which is more appropriate. Not apathetic enough to use short, simple sentences though I guess.
Anyway, I've been super stressed out this last month. Like... I can no longer deny this because I started having anxiety attacks. You can kind of ignore being tired and maybe being depressed but maybe not since nobody can seem to agree what that really is, but when you start having breathing problems, heart racing, cold and hot flashes and a sudden, unprovoked but undeniable sensation that you are imminently dying of some awful cardiovascular malfunction, you take notice.
Well, normal people would, but hey, since I recognized the anxiety attack for what it was, I didn't get too worried and just let it run its course over the next 15 minutes. Maybe it was just a fluke. I drink too much caffeine after all. And while I do work two jobs for a total of about 45 hours a week plus the occasional foray into pretending that I'm still an active grad student, I didn't really feel unduly stressed out or depressed. Must have been a fluke. So I ignored it. That was a month ago, and for a while I was fine.
Fast forward to last week where I had an unprovoked atrial flutter (or so Wikipedia leads me to believe) where my heart was beating at something approaching 200+ bpm while I couldn't catch my breath. It lasted only a few seconds, so... I ignored it. Later that night I had a sudden onset of tightness in my left shoulder and chest, which led to me panicking that I was having a heart attack. Suspecting that it was yet again stress related, I tried to relax, and sure enough, a minute later I was fine. By this point, I'm beginning to grow pretty concerned, but like every other person I know, I don't want to go to a doctor because reasons. What were they going to do anyway, tell me to stop working so hard? I already know that's a problem, but I can't do much about it.
Anyway, fast forward to two days ago where I have another panic attack at work. This one is less severe but lasts for nearly two hours, during which I am completely useless and nearly fall over if I stand up.
Fine. Fine, body. You win. I'll go to a doctor.
Finally went yesterday, where the doctor helpfully confirmed that I was asking way, way too much out of myself and that while it was a personal decision, I really had to dial back on some of this crap. Oh, also, here's two prescriptions for anti anxiety medication. One for daily use, and another to make you just not feel much of anything, which you take in case you have an attack. Oh, and you can't be doing anything while you take that pill, so go home or something if one hits you.
Great. I've gone 27 years without joining the fabulous members-only club that is the population on prescription drugs for one thing or another. I was really hoping to avoid that for a long time. But, hey, doctor's orders and I really don't want to experience another panic attack, so I get the prescription filled.
I took the first one this morning, and while I shouldn't be noticing any effects for days yet, I feel really weird and achy in places I haven't felt in a long time. I also had chest pains while walking to my second job today, so that's pretty scary. Looking at the list of side effects for this drug didn't do my mind any favors, so I cut that out before it triggered an attack. So, I guess I'll be blaming every little symptom on the meds now.
And... to top it all off, after I'm done here today, I have to go back to my first job to work until who knows when to get this ridiculously overly ambitious project finished by deployment tomorrow morning. No time for testing, because that's for suckers. This product is going to be crap. There are bugs in it. Many. Hundreds maybe. I know they're there, just waiting for it to make it to the customers' hands. Every time you hit the buttons in a slightly different order something new and amazingly wrong happens. I can fix it, but it's like fixing a broken dam with chewing gum. This is going to be bad. Very, very bad. I almost want to ask my boss if I can sign a piece of paper absolving me of any consequences of what will happen once this product goes live. It is going to be bad. These are snooty people that we're giving it to. They're going to complain a lot. A lot. The management company is going to get mad, and ask for someone to blame. I don't want to be that someone since this project was not my idea and we had maybe a third of the time to work on it that we needed.
I just have to hope that the consequences to the company aren't too severe. The medical insurance I get through them is paying for the new pills, so I can't have that go away. But, hey, it's their fault I'm on the pills, so at least they're paying for them.
...yeah, I think maybe the doctor had a point here.
But first, it's back to work here... I should probably stop wasting time and get something done.
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Topic: Things that made you sad today thread. (Read 9756215 times)