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[Gamerlord]

Bloody hell. I've got no idea what you should do then. My experience with my Dad is with a man who is a lot like me in many ways, but in other ways is in no way like me. Dealing with him is usually just standing up and staring him down when he blows up and making sure to keep my arguments with my mum seperate from my arguments with him.

[Pnx]

I think I'm going to be the one person here to say that I don't think these are generally good ideas.

Having some distance might be a good idea, just so you don't have to put up with so much BS, but really... Wars of passive aggression rarely end well.

[Vector]

If your relationship with them is toxic, you have no obligation to maintain it for their sakes.

They've still got most of my stuff, I can't drive yet, and I don't have the social circle I'd need to break it off.

Hence complaining about losing what was supposed to be a fun weekly event.

[Gamerlord]

Why do you need a social circle to break it off?

[Solifuge]

I can actually sympathize with the loneliness bit. I miss my friends, and haven't been able to spend time with them since I moved about a month ago. It's hard for me to justify the cost of a trip out to see them right now, and I don't know anyone close to my new place aside from family. Since I'm working from home now too, and not currently enrolled in any classes, I don't have the coworker or student/professor socialization I used to either, which makes meeting people even harder. The housemates have invited me out to the bar several times, but I'm really not a Bar/Club kind of person... tried a number of times, and it's definitely not my scene. I've never been very good at reaching out to new people either; if after a few offers to do something, someone doesn't approach me once or twice, I tend to think they aren't interested, or don't really care one way or another.

I didn't even notice it at first, until I noticed all the characteristic signs of depression, and the serious dive in my enthusiasm and energy level. God, I slept in until noon today, and I got to sleep at a reasonable time last night. I never used to get lonely like this... what's the deal, brain?

I never said cut it off with your mother. Visit her, tell her you love her, do whatever, Just don't acknoweldge your father in any way.

That seems... kinda petty. I have a shaky relationship with my folks too, but I try to at least humor them, spend time with them during holidays and such, and help them out around the house. Best not to burn a bridge when you don't have to.

[Gamerlord]

I never said cut it off with your mother. Visit her, tell her you love her, do whatever, Just don't acknoweldge your father in any way.

That seems... kinda petty. I have a shaky relationship with my folks too, but I try to at least humor them, spend time with them during holidays and such, and help them out around the house. Best not to burn a bridge when you don't have to.

What I meant was to show that you are willing to burn that bridge if you have to. The notion that their children are perfectly capable of existing without their input and might in fact be happier without them in the picture always comes as a shock to them.

[mastahcheese]

Heh, haven't talked with my parents in about a year or so now.
Not going to start again any time soon.

[Gamerlord]

What made you break away?

[mastahcheese]

It's a very, very long story, that mainly boils down to, number one, they didn't approve of my girlfriend (now wife of over 2 years) and secondly, I got tired of my dad threatening to kill me and my mom being totally ok with it.

[Gamerlord]

Congrats on marrying her! And I get where you're coming from. One of the reasons my dad has never laid a finger on me is probably because he knows that I know how to cripple him. One good hit to his lower back and he's in a wheelchair for the rest of his life; I've seen the xrays.

[Vector]

Why do I want a social circle?  Becaaaaauuuuuse I don't want to be completely lacking in emotional support if I cut things off?  No one to talk to => desperate Vector => Vector who gets in relationships with abusive men/friends.  This is a proven pattern.  It's happened at least three times, each time with drastic consequences.

My new office is 7 people total, and I'm the youngest one there by a good bit.  And we pretty much don't talk to each other because we're so busy working.  Don't talk to the housemates much either.  We're all busy.  I'm definitely "the weird one" at work, too.  I can't sit still for that long. . . I spend pretty much the entire day spinning back and forth as I work.  Fortunately I'm bringing in music tomorrow so maybe that will help a little.  Keep catching myself doodling and writing little messages to myself because I'm so bored.  And lonely.

Whatever.  Tomorrow's another day, and I've got another 100 pages of report to read.

What I meant was to show that you are willing to burn that bridge if you have to. The notion that their children are perfectly capable of existing without their input and might in fact be happier without them in the picture always comes as a shock to them.

My parents would not be surprised.  I refused to call them anything but their first names starting at the age of 5 (changed my mind later, but...).  I've always had a bumpy relationship with them.

I have no idea, in the end, if I'll get married or not--but I'm 99% sure I'm not going to have kids.  I love 'em, but no.  I'm not opening that door.  As my mom says, "I never would have guessed that your life would be quite this difficult."

[mastahcheese]

Congrats on marrying her! And I get where you're coming from. One of the reasons my dad has never laid a finger on me is probably because he knows that I know how to cripple him. One good hit to his lower back and he's in a wheelchair for the rest of his life; I've seen the xrays.

Thanks! It's been the best two years of my life so far.
And yeah, when he started that, I decided that if he ever made due on it, it wouldn't be me going down.
That why I can fight with a very wide variety of weapons, I self trained myself for a worst case scenario.

But hey, if the zombies rise up, I can use a spear.

[Gamerlord]

May I suggest you try Zoloft? I had the whole 'desperate for friends/emotional attachement' thing until I got on Zoloft. It's good shit and doesn't have many side effects (for me).

Congrats on marrying her! And I get where you're coming from. One of the reasons my dad has never laid a finger on me is probably because he knows that I know how to cripple him. One good hit to his lower back and he's in a wheelchair for the rest of his life; I've seen the xrays.

Thanks! It's been the best two years of my life so far.
And yeah, when he started that, I decided that if he ever made due on it, it wouldn't be me going down.
That why I can fight with a very wide variety of weapons, I self trained myself for a worst case scenario.

But hey, if the zombies rise up, I can use a spear.

Yeah, people underestimate the little guy who knows how to use weapons. I'm fucking awesome with a knife/knives. If allowed to go all out, I can take on a 7th Dan Black Belt in Taekwondo with a knife and win.

[Bauglir]

I might be in a complainy mood, but a thought just occurred to me. Why does it seem like the stock reaction to "My family/close friends are frustrating me lately, and they have a history of doing it this way" seem to be "Cut off contact/they are abusing you" in this thread? Am I overreacting? It just seems like such a drastic response to what is a fairly basic characteristic of emotional closeness - that the people you love will not be perfect, and that their flaws will, over time, grate. Doesn't mean they're a bad part of your life if they cause you sads. Even routine sads. Even routine, perfectly justified sads like not taking you seriously. They can still be a net happy, if you want to take the utilitarian approach, or otherwise you can still say you value and care for them and are willing to put up with the pain because you care.

Don't get me wrong - mastahcheese, for instance, holy shit, yeah getting out of that was the way to go. There are definitely cases where GET OUT NOW is the correct way to go, it just seems like it's a bizarrely common response around here.

[Descan]

Gamerlord, regardless of the context, telling people "Hey, get on this drug. Totally helps." is pretty creepy. >_____>