So watched an episode of Fresh Prince of Bel Air recently.
Damnit, why'd it have to be the episode that ends with this? This scene always gets me, not enough to make me actually crack...but close. It hits me on an unconscious level, from a time before my memory. I barely remember my biological father. One or two scenes from when I was incredibly young, and a very awkward singular encounter in my teenage years that lasted a few minutes, not much more. An encounter he didn't plan on, and didn't want.
Sometimes I wonder. I know he had children after me, that I somewhere have a step-mother, half-brother and half-sister, cousins, aunts and uncles. None of whom I've met since I was too young to remember more than vague images and sensations about scenes scenes long lost from memory.
He knows where I am. He knows how he could get in touch with me. And I owe him nothing, I need nothing from him and I need nothing for him. As Will so elegantly put it, to hell with him.
But the others...brother, sister. I have a half-sister from my mother and step-father (whom I call Dad, who raised me from a young age and is as a true father in all but blood). I was raised alongside her, I watched her grow from a baby. She is my sister. I know what the sibling experience is like.
But I can't help but wonder, what are the unmet ones like? How does the other half of my blood live? Do they ever wonder about me? Do they even know they have an older brother? Would they even care? Why would they, if I was too young to remember more than that I did at one point see them, and they were even younger than me, how could they possibly remember? Or were they told of me?
Does it really matter? We were raised apart, all we share is the blood of a man that is a stranger to me. Nothing more.
Maybe I'm just in one of those moods.