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[SalmonGod]

I get freaked out by it too, if I allow myself to think about it.  It's so easy to imagine some kind of mega-gigantic mouth with a couple dozen 50 ft tentacles attached lurking below.

So I don't allow myself to think about it.  Generally works out ok.  Swimming in natural water tends to be a lot more fun than pools.  Never really understood the fun in pools.  I'm like "Ok. I'm in water now..... yup."  There's slides, but just going down a slide over and over again starts to feel dumb after so many repetitions.  Natural water has currents and stuff that provide some challenge and an element of exploration, so it feels worth the effort to swallow down some irrational fears.

[scriver]

Kind of depressed. I suspect the prospect of not having to work for the next 5 days is (paradoxically) the cause, given my lack of plans and general loneliness.

I ought to get into a book or game, but I'm not in the mood even for that :/

I can't give you anything mote than electric hugs, but I hope you find something to do. I know that feeling all to well, and I hate it.

[Steelmagic]

Oh man.  Are you okay with showers?

Showers are fine, but swimming freaks me the hell out. Even if I can stand in the water, once I attempt to leave my feet, my brain goes into overload.

This is me exactly. I also can't stand to have my head underwater.

[Frumple]

I get freaked out by it too, if I allow myself to think about it.  It's so easy to imagine some kind of mega-gigantic mouth with a couple dozen 50 ft tentacles attached lurking below.

Yeeaaah, I've got a bit of a thing about salt water these days. Comes from not really having to imagine something like that. Tide came in when I was young and out in the ocean, jellyfish bigger than I was (at the time) came with it. Seawater's never quite been the same since then

Natural water has currents and stuff that provide some challenge and an element of exploration, so it feels worth the effort to swallow down some irrational fears.

Also occasionally alligators and snakes and various hi-ho infestation, awaaay things, and whatnot. You take the good with the bad. Spring water in midsummer is freakin' glorious, though. Almost feels like you could get bloody frostbite in that stuff.

But yeah, pools. "Ok. I'm in water now." is like, all I need. Water is great~ Swimming is good, but I seriously don't mind just floating up against a wall or something for... a few hours. Straight. Float float float. Is incredibly relaxing to me. With or without inflatable assistance. I've actually fallen asleep on one of those inflatable raft thingies before though, heh.

Near ideal decadence for me would be some kind of holographic interface for a computer out over a pool. Float float read game float.

[Devling]

I learned to swim in lakes and oceans, so I like natural swimming places much more then pools.
Especially the ocean, floating around in waves is to much fun!

[SalmonGod]

Yeeaaah, I've got a bit of a thing about salt water these days. Comes from not really having to imagine something like that. Tide came in when I was young and out in the ocean, jellyfish bigger than I was (at the time) came with it. Seawater's never quite been the same since then

That sounds frightening but awesome.  I'm kinda fascinated by jellyfish.

Also occasionally alligators and snakes and various hi-ho infestation, awaaay things, and whatnot.

You're in Florida, right?  I admit, I'd be much more hesitant about swimming there.

But yeah, pools. "Ok. I'm in water now." is like, all I need. Water is great~ Swimming is good, but I seriously don't mind just floating up against a wall or something for... a few hours. Straight. Float float float. Is incredibly relaxing to me. With or without inflatable assistance. I've actually fallen asleep on one of those inflatable raft thingies before though, heh.

I can understand the appeal of pools if you're into that kind of thing.  I just can't do it.  To be conscious and not actively engaged in something is infuriating to me.  Hell, to be unconscious is infuriating to me, because it prevents me from being actively engaged in something.  I hate sleep because I hate to stop doing things.

[Vector]

I can understand the appeal of pools if you're into that kind of thing.  I just can't do it.  To be conscious and not actively engaged in something is infuriating to me.  Hell, to be unconscious is infuriating to me, because it prevents me from being actively engaged in something.  I hate sleep because I hate to stop doing things.

You and me both.  I actually have problems with overeating due to being bored and lacking sufficient stimulation.

Spent a lot of today mending clothing and watching Drivers' Ed videos.  Couldn't stand to do either on their own.

[Knight of Fools]

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Finally admitted to myself that I have a problem, and I'm reading a couple things on depression. Every other sentence hits me in the gut. It's weird to feel something so strongly while sticking to a single subject. That hasn't happened to me in years.

I used to feel happy, all the time. My friends would joke that I didn't need drugs, because I was on a constant "natural high". And I really was. I really felt back then. It burned, and it was wonderful. I really miss those days.

The burning faded. Now it's like there's nothing. It's empty. No hope, motivation, or passion. My mind clings to things, but only as a means to get myself out, back to where I was before. I don't do anything for the sake of doing it any more, I do it as a means to pull myself out of my depression or to forget that I'm depressed. Sometimes I even convince myself for a minute, but then I crash and it's worse than it had been before. I'm not sure that I've been genuinely happy since I was a teenager, in spite of having a relatively comfortable life.

I've finally realized that there is no magical fountain of motivation. Once I get a job, I'm seeing a doctor. Something's wrong, I want to fix it, and I've realized after years of feeling this way I probably need medication. I've entertained the idea, but it's liberating making actual plans to do something about it.


Ironically, I think that the only thing that's kept me from ending it is my cousin's suicide a few years ago. I saw what it did to his family, and how it worried my own mom that I'd do something similar. At first I was irritated that she'd think I'd do something like that, but now I realize she was probably keener than I thought. Her worry probably saved me.

It's weird, talking about it like this. Kind of liberating. I needed to get it out, and since I have no one close whom I can really sit down and talk with about it, I had to get it out here, just to get it out. I've treated it like a hidden shame, something to be tucked away, ignored and suppressed so it would go away. I'd be cheerful and smiling on the outside, until I was alone, where the facade would finally fall and I'd be able to curl into myself and rest. I'd live a lie so that others wouldn't know my secret. It's taken me way too long to figure out that it doesn't work and that there's nothing to be ashamed of, but I'm glad I did. It's been getting noticeably worse the past few months, nearly to the point where I would either cease to be able to function normally or make drastic and regrettable decisions.

I know what people mean by the phrase "coming out of the closet", now. I'm not gay, but stepping out and admitting to something both your family and your culture see as shameful and saying, "This is a part of me, and I'm not ashamed" probably carries the same weight. I certainly won't go out of my way to tell every other person that I suffer from depression, but I don't have to pretend any more. It's liberating and enlightening, and even though the depression is still there, I'm feeling hopeful for the first time in years.

It almost burns like it used to.

[SalmonGod]

I can understand the appeal of pools if you're into that kind of thing.  I just can't do it.  To be conscious and not actively engaged in something is infuriating to me.  Hell, to be unconscious is infuriating to me, because it prevents me from being actively engaged in something.  I hate sleep because I hate to stop doing things.

You and me both.  I actually have problems with overeating due to being bored and lacking sufficient stimulation.

Spent a lot of today mending clothing and watching Drivers' Ed videos.  Couldn't stand to do either on their own.

And it's been really difficult for me to absorb the fact that this is highly unusual.  If I don't allow myself any distractions when at work, in a couple hours I will end up in a state I refer to as "existential coma".  Nobody else seems to understand this.  And it's not because of bad work ethic, attention problems, or whatever else.  It's because the work is not engaging and I can't simply coast through life in a contentedly half-conscious state like others apparently can.

I keep a box of cereal in my desk and munch a lot because of boredom.

[MonkeyHead]

You and me both.  I actually have problems with overeating due to being bored and lacking sufficient stimulation.

This, coupled with a job which doesnt involve a lot of moving, might be why I am a large gent, despite all the rugby playing.

[ChairmanPoo]

I get freaked out by it too, if I allow myself to think about it.  It's so easy to imagine some kind of mega-gigantic mouth with a couple dozen 50 ft tentacles attached lurking below.

[Frumple]

That sounds frightening but awesome.  I'm kinda fascinated by jellyfish.

The few hundred smaller ones didn't help, ha. I didn't get stung, somehow, but being surrounded by hundreds and hundreds of dreadfully painful things is... unsettling. And somewhat psychologically lingering, heh. Not as badly as the boat thing, but eh.

You're in Florida, right?  I admit, I'd be much more hesitant about swimming there.

Yeah. And eeehhh, I think we only lose a couple people a year at the most. Mortality rate's not high, iirc. More afraid of you than you are of them, etc., etc., etc. Sometimes. Water moccasins'll chase yer arse down, occasionally.

I can understand the appeal of pools if you're into that kind of thing.  I just can't do it.  To be conscious and not actively engaged in something is infuriating to me.  Hell, to be unconscious is infuriating to me, because it prevents me from being actively engaged in something.  I hate sleep because I hate to stop doing things.

Eh, was more or less a survival skill for me. Not being able to disconnect and shut the brain up for a while would have been worse for my sanity than, well, how things did go down. Took... probably a decade of somewhat intermittent, but fairly dedicated, practice to get the trick(s) to it. Occasionally irritation like you're talking about tries to rear its head, but I just ask myself, "Is being irritated going to help? Is it going to change the situation or improve my enjoyment of it? No? No." and that's that.

Water, though... s'just something about the weight shift involved in being buoyant or summat. S'very attention grabbing, for me, in... I guess you'd call it a diffuse sort of way? Not so much "engaged" as "subsumed". Like being an incredibly high cat with an infinitely wiggling string comfortably in reach. Lazily batting the string = water. Takes a lot for me to get bored when I'm in the water. Usually get sunburnt and wrinkled first.

[Devling]

Haven't we only explored something like 1% of the planets deep waters?

Cthulu is hiding down there.

Waiting.

Watching.

[Xantalos]

I get freaked out by it too, if I allow myself to think about it.  It's so easy to imagine some kind of mega-gigantic mouth with a couple dozen 50 ft tentacles attached lurking below.

So I don't allow myself to think about it.  Generally works out ok.  Swimming in natural water tends to be a lot more fun than pools.  Never really understood the fun in pools.  I'm like "Ok. I'm in water now..... yup."  There's slides, but just going down a slide over and over again starts to feel dumb after so many repetitions.  Natural water has currents and stuff that provide some challenge and an element of exploration, so it feels worth the effort to swallow down some irrational fears.

Oh man.  Are you okay with showers?

Showers are fine, but swimming freaks me the hell out. Even if I can stand in the water, once I attempt to leave my feet, my brain goes into overload.

I've got a similar issue. I can swim amazingly well, and I'm sure I could tread water for days if necessary, but water that is deep enough that I can't see the bottom just freaks me right the fuck out. Irrational as it is, I'm always worried something is down there watching me.

Hey, just imagine me as the monster!
Wait that'll make it worse never mind.

[Lagslayer]

I get freaked out by it too, if I allow myself to think about it.  It's so easy to imagine some kind of mega-gigantic mouth with a couple dozen 50 ft tentacles attached lurking below.

So I don't allow myself to think about it.  Generally works out ok.  Swimming in natural water tends to be a lot more fun than pools.  Never really understood the fun in pools.  I'm like "Ok. I'm in water now..... yup."  There's slides, but just going down a slide over and over again starts to feel dumb after so many repetitions.  Natural water has currents and stuff that provide some challenge and an element of exploration, so it feels worth the effort to swallow down some irrational fears.

Oh man.  Are you okay with showers?

Showers are fine, but swimming freaks me the hell out. Even if I can stand in the water, once I attempt to leave my feet, my brain goes into overload.

I've got a similar issue. I can swim amazingly well, and I'm sure I could tread water for days if necessary, but water that is deep enough that I can't see the bottom just freaks me right the fuck out. Irrational as it is, I'm always worried something is down there watching me.

Hey, just imagine me as the monster!
Wait that'll make it worse never mind.

We could always send MZ after you. His awesome facepunching powers vs your eldritch mind-rapeing powers. And I'll be selling tickets.