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[Sirus]

This is my last night at home. Tomorrow I take a bus to my new job, and after that? I probably won't be back for more than a month. Maybe two. Seems like I just got here and I have to leave again so soon 

[Zrk2]

I went to Walmart and it ruined my day. The very air smells like despair in there.

[Vector]

Basically, the work problem is that I have a coworker who is a student organizer, and as part of his hyper-liberal viewpoint has ideas of education that do not include classroom management or telling kids to get their work done.  So they don't respect him.

I said that a lot of kids look for a strong parental figure in the classroom, which I certainly did; he said that he wanted to treat the 14-year-olds like adults and relate to them as adults, meaning that he was going to be hyper-conflict-avoidant (as he treats adults) and not straight up tell them to do their work.  I told them that the kid who had been cutting herself and was going to be told to leave school if she wasn't medicated probably would not be helped by my telling her about my own struggles with mental illness, at which point he rolled his eyes at me.

So yeah.  I kind of fucked up.  There are things you don't admit at work, even "we're going to help all the disadvantaged children because we've all been disadvantaged" kind of work, and "I was crazy at one point" is one of them.

[MetalSlimeHunt]

I don't think you fucked up. You should assert your opinion even more strongly, to be frank, because this guy's method is obviously not helping the children placed under his care.

Be proud of whom you are and whom you have become, and nobody can use it against you.

[Frumple]

... no, no, people can use it against you still. Often without much effort, if they've got the right leverage and you conflict with 'em. They might not be able to hurt, like, your feelings or self-image or whathaveyou, but they can definitely hit you in the career, or workplace, or etc., so forth, so on.

Once you've established what you like to be the most, be aware of that, and what the costs are. Then react appropriately according to your goals. Pride isn't going to save you from career sabotage or corporate backstabbing, so that pride damn sure better be worth it if that's a consequence thereof.

Not that I'd really call what Vec did likely to result in either of those, but... yeah.

[MetalSlimeHunt]

So long as one can be self-assured and bold in their actions and opinions, the hearsay of one person is just hearsay. Make them look like a petty slanderer by being incongruent with any kind of accusation they could level.

People can detect meekness and will capitalize on it if you let them.

Cat's out of the bag anyway, so Vector might as well try to take the path that helps her. Saying you had a brush with mental illness and then socially retreating would be like putting blood in the water.

[Xantalos]

So long as one can be self-assured and bold in their actions and opinions, the hearsay of one person is just hearsay. Make them look like a petty slanderer by being incongruent with any kind of accusation they could level.

People can detect meekness and will capitalize on it if you let them.

Cat's out of the bag anyway, so Vector might as well try to take the path that helps her. Saying you had a brush with mental illness and then socially retreating would be like putting blood in the water.

It would actually be more like flooding the building with water, incubating shark eggs in a sock, and then putting blood in the water, but that's besides the point. 

[Vector]

He also seemed to think that a classroom full of 14-year-old boys from poor neighborhoods would feel A-OK talking about their feelings in front of everyone.  I don't know.  The point isn't the stereotype, the point is that these young fellows conform to the stereotype and want incredibly badly to be tough right now, because that's what they need in order to survive all the shit that's happening to them.  So I'm focusing on things like "working with girls and not feeling like you're being tainted" and "asking for help (yes, even though I'm a girl, it's okay to be that vulnerable, I'm not going to hurt you--or ask the guy, that's okay too, just ask for help)" and "having fun together instead of needing to look sullen all the time."  You know, baby steps.  Steps they can actually take.

He also wanted to get them to talk about how they've been wronged and ill-treated in their lives in their journals.  You know, "hey dudes, let's talk about systematic oppression together."  What the hell, dude.  We need to show them that they can trust us so that if they need us, we'll be there.  Demanding that these kids talk about the stuff that makes them cry is fucking reprehensible.  Yes, we all know it's happening, yes, we know they're hiding stuff, yes, we know that this boy comes to class with cuts on his face and that girl always comes in looking exhausted and that girl has scars all down her arms, and it's our job to maybe say "hey, how's it going" once in a while but it's not right to demand disclosure and demand publicizing one's hurts.  It's our job to make it clear that the lines of communication are open any time they want them, because forcing them to speak is kind of on the level of forcing them to stay silent--it takes away the little bit of control they've managed to develop.

Anyway.  I understand that he wants to be the cool guy, and I understand that some people really don't want to be treated like children (as he said, he's trying to do what he needed).  And on the other hand, other people, especially people who haven't been allowed to act like children, look for someone around whom they can be a child.  But apparently to him parental == paternalistic, so there you go.

He's a moron.



As for the mental health thing, I'm not going to bring it up again.  I didn't go to a work party that I had RSVP'd to with a maybe, because I just couldn't handle any more, but I'll be in on Monday ready to crack skulls, as usual.

[kaijyuu]

But apparently to him parental == paternalistic, so there you go.

Personally I've never known any distinction.


(as for the rest of the stuff, good luck! You seem like you'll need it to help those kids.)

[Vector]

What, parental can't imply maternal?

[kaijyuu]

I think there's some definition mixups; probably my fault.

I just looked up the first definition of "parternalistic" I could find and it was this:

Paternalism (or parentalism) is behavior, by a person, organization or state, which limits some person or group's liberty or autonomy for their own good

Which is "acting like a parent" in a nutshell, to me. I do not see how one could distinctly "be a parent figure" without being a limiter on behavior.

Maternal is the same. I don't really see any gender differences unless you're talking stereotypical parents (and stuff like comforting others isn't distinctly parental at all).


Don't want to get into a semantic debate; just saying how I understood the words and the concept of being a parent figure. Hope that clears up the confusion :X

[Vector]

Ahhh.

Coming from him it's a loaded term, because what he means is the "I know better than you and I'm not listening to what you say, you don't deserve respect because you haven't earned any, sit over there because the adults are talking, punish punish punish" mode of authoritarian behavior.  Like... limiting autonomy for their own good, but partially in order to feed your own ego and allow you to enjoy the power structure.

[Knight of Fools]

Sounds like a terrible way to be the "cool guy".

I went to Walmart and it ruined my day. The very air smells like despair in there.

Try working there. Minimum wage and maximum work is a terrible way to earn a living. I was the only employee that smiled with any frequency, and that's just because it made me happy making others smile. Management obviously did not share my opinion.

[Bdthemag]

I've heard the absolute worst from every former walmart employee I've ever met. Employees there are just so damn expendable, you can be fired so easily. I remember one telling me the two easiest ways on how to get fired was dropping one of the products, or letting any of the upper-management hearing you mention unions.

[SalmonGod]

I've heard the absolute worst from every former walmart employee I've ever met. Employees there are just so damn expendable, you can be fired so easily. I remember one telling me the two easiest ways on how to get fired was dropping one of the products, or letting any of the upper-management hearing you mention unions.

Or getting injured.