I have a speech class that meets once a month which met today. There was a group project we were supposed to turn in today, but one member didn't show up and another dropped this morning, so I was alone. I didn't have all the information on the paper, so my project was mostly incorrectly done. Going up on the stage I completely choked, 30 seconds of dead air and absolutely nothing of what I studied in my head. And just to kick me in the teeth I lost the dress shoes I brought along to fulfill the professional clothes requirement.
I spoke with the professor after class and she understood everything that went on and suggested I either drop the class or try for a late-start class. Which got me thinking of what would happen if I dropped this class, as meeting once a month isn't gonna work with my speech and class anxiety. Due to financial aid I must take 12 credits of classes to receive this aid. Dropping this class puts me under that and I would have to return the money, meaning if I drop one class I would have to drop all of them or pay some huge fines. One of my math courses cannot be taken again, one required to graduate. If I drop out I cannot ever take it again at this college. Dropping a class now basically means dropping out of college.
My only hope is a late starting class I can register for, but I don't know if they are filled yet.
..
I am fucked over by my own anxiety over failure.