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[MetalSlimeHunt]

When my parents divorced, even as amicable as it was, their friend groups split. My mother essentially stopped contacting everyone and formed a new social circle because it was too awkward to be in contact with what were now my father's friends. Even now, years later, she's too hesitant to even talk to friends of the family that I'm in contact with since my father moved away.

Simply put, this is just something that happens when relationships crumble. I've only rarely found situations where someone doesn't end up on the outside.

[Vector]

That's the thing: I don't refuse to be near or acknowledge him.  He refuses to be near or acknowledge me.

It's not that they're being unkind, but I can't take any more of sitting with our friends while he walks past the table, very deliberately stares at me, and then walks very sloooooowly to the back to sit by himself.  So I just don't sit with them anymore, and they've started asking where I've been because they see me so seldom.

They also, ah, made themselves a Facebook group to which I wasn't invited.  So that's kind of frustrating.


I dunno.  I told a few of them that if it was him or me, I wanted them to pick him--because they were his friends longer and I remember what it was like when my ex grabbed all the friends I'd made in high school out from under me.  These are the friends he's made in grad school and I refused to let the same thing happen to him.  I wouldn't have told them that, though, if I'd realized that he was such a slimeball.

So essentially he's the possessive/jealous type, manipulative, vindictive, and honestly doesn't give a crap about you or your well being... This is actually sounding a little bit familiar to me.

If I can ask, and I'm sorry if this is a little prising, but if he's such a big douchebag, what made you fall in love with him in the first place?

Because he didn't act like this in the first place and every single damn person we knew mutually, friend or otherwise, vouched for his character; after we broke up folks kept asking "what could possibly make anyone break up with that guy?  He's so great!"  I got all this information first and second-hand.  It was reliably unmanipulated.  He has a fucking fantastic reputation with no stains on it whatsoever.  He was charming, he was nice.  He was nice to everyone, to his friends, to his ex-girlfriends, to random people.  I checked multiple times for unmeditated, spontaneous empathetic behavior.  Indeed, he was so nice that he was unwilling to react against people who were fucking him over in getting his PhD.  He laughed louder and was sweeter than anyone else.

This doesn't sound "a little bit familiar" to me.  My first ex-boyfriend... would not have passed any of those tests.  He didn't have people telling me what a wonderful person he was, he had people smoothing over his flaws but never doing this.

And if I told him no, or even seemed the least bit uncertain, he backed off rather than acting offended.  He paid good attention to matters of consent.  He paid good attention to a lot of things, and tried to get to know me, and did what he could to attend to my happiness.  He worked on things even though I was wildly unreasonable.  He was patient with my flaws and didn't set a gaping double standard.

And more than that, I firmly believe that he never set out to hurt me.  Control me?  Yes.  Out of selfishness, fail to do things that would have mitigated hurt?  Absolutely.  Get fed up and lash out?  Certainly.  He was scared... and that does not absolve him, not by any means, but it relegates him to the realm of the human.

But he did not do this.  Not ever.  And it's because he acted in good faith, from the good faith of a human being who had been damaged and struck down by life's travails and responded with evil, that I can forgive that evil.  And it's because this cossetted, spoiled, whining failure of a man doesn't have what it takes to hear the whisper of any flaw, and instead chooses to punish the messenger into submission, that I declare him more evil than he who admitted his own violence and maleficence.

The difference is that the other one was an honest man.

@Vector: Wish I had sage advice to give, but let me just say this: you are a good person. You don't deserve that bullshit from anyone. To hell with him, and if your mutual "friends" are going to enable that bullshit, then to hell with them too. Life is too short to play other people's games.

Thank you.

[Reudh]

My god, Vector.

If before this I did not think you wise, any doubt is now gone. O_O

[Descan]

I still imagine her riding an eagle into battle, if that helps any.

Math battle.

Math eagle.

Math imagine.

[Reudh]

I still imagine her riding an eagle into battle, if that helps any.

Math battle.

Math eagle.

Math imagine.

Heh. "The Grand Battle for Bay12".

Vector's Legion.

[Haspen]

I still imagine her riding an eagle into battle, if that helps any.

Math battle.

Math eagle.

Math imagine.

Heh. "The Grand Battle for Bay12".

Vector's Legion.

Vector's Vectors? v:

[Truean]

Vector, if I were to speak your language, I would say human beings are a semi determined system with several unpredictable, random variables which no equation can model.

I get people referred to me. Several times, people vouch for them. They often reveal themselves to be lying about several things and often to have done it.... Those are just the civil ones....

People are a randomly assorted bunch of things with many and varied needs they cannot figure out how to satisfy but they desperately want to do so. Thus, they flail around, often expecting other people to fulfill them, while not realizing those other people are just as, if not moreso, screwed up than they are. Thus, romantic partners and indeed all interacting humans will attempt to control each other and odds are, you controlled him a bit as well whether or not you even wanted to do so, because everyone does. Blame, as a human fallacy, is not relevant. The leaves fall where and when they do because they do and for no other reason.

Assess your needs, there will be some that boys can fill and some that they cannot. This applies to other groups such as girlfriends and gays. Keep in mind that while filling some needs, these groups of acquaintances will create other needs as a direct result of your associating with them.

Me personally, I've written off most of humanity with exactly seven (7) exceptions. The rest of the species could die in a fireball of agony and I wouldn't care/might get a marshmallow on a stick to roast if it wasn't too much of an inconvenience for me, meh. Most people would not find my solution acceptable, but then again personally, their acceptance is not a requisite of my solution.

Assuming you do not wish to write off humanity, which you probably don't, a different course is recommended. Concerning you, you must determine if the needs he satisfies are worth the pains in the ass he imposes upon you. I've made my choice. The rest of you must make your own concerning each person you associate with, said people will at once cure and cause you problems. The question is, does the curing of problems outweigh the causing of them for the individual in question in terms of not only if you relate to them, but how and when.

Only you can determine that.

[MonkeyHead]

Me personally, I've written off most of humanity with exactly seven (7) exceptions. The rest of the species could die in a fireball of agony and I wouldn't care/might get a marshmallow on a stick to roast if it wasn't too much of an inconvenience for me, meh.

I too subscribe to this view. As a result most people in meatspace dont like me, but I dont care. The ones that I let in are the ones I have determined to be worth liking, as opposed to letting people in then evaluating them.

[SalmonGod]

 

It's Adventure Time.

[Reudh]

Me personally, I've written off most of humanity with exactly seven (7) exceptions. The rest of the species could die in a fireball of agony and I wouldn't care/might get a marshmallow on a stick to roast if it wasn't too much of an inconvenience for me, meh.

I too subscribe to this view. As a result most people in meatspace dont like me, but I dont care. The ones that I let in are the ones I have determined to be worth liking, as opposed to letting people in then evaluating them.

Being a little younger, I have not written off most of humanity, but a good deal of the people I see in my day to day travels make me sit and wonder "why do I bother with humanity?"

That being said, most of the people I call friends I wouldn't lose for the world. There are good people in humanity and bad people; and while I hate to say it there's always a 'vocal minority' that just don't care about others. What one can do is ignore them and seek to make yourself better, which will benefit you, and those you call friends and family, and it won't affect those you hate at all except possibly to change their view of you (if they have one.)

[Xantalos]

Me personally, I've written off most of humanity with exactly seven (7) exceptions. The rest of the species could die in a fireball of agony and I wouldn't care/might get a marshmallow on a stick to roast if it wasn't too much of an inconvenience for me, meh.

I too subscribe to this view. As a result most people in meatspace dont like me, but I dont care. The ones that I let in are the ones I have determined to be worth liking, as opposed to letting people in then evaluating them.

Here here. I have a few people I would actually go to risks to save, but otherwise I couldn't care less.

[Loud Whispers]

Hey guys, can we please not disregard the human race in favour of annihilation? Some of us are trying to salvage the pieces from impending destruction here.

[Descan]

Sometimes I wonder if someone I like in netspace is someone I do, or would, hate in meatspace. Or vice versa.


One of the reasons I don't hate the world is because of the people in my life who are kind and noble. Hating the world... seems like it'd be hating that same impulse of kindness and nobility that they express.

[MonkeyHead]

Oh, its not that I hate people, I "nothing" them until they show one way or the other what I should think about them. Until then, they stay outside the box.

[SalmonGod]

It's Adventure Time.

Yup... all better now.