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[Rose]

Na, see, he would die of old age normally. It's just the main events that would be reversed.

[Urist Imiknorris]

It'll end with three men stealing from him and running away.

[scriver]

Na, see, he would die of old age normally. It's just the main events that would be reversed.

That just means he'd be an old man crawling into a vagina to die of old age.

Which is even worse. You have a sick, sick mind, Japa.

[Vorthon]

...

* Vorthon dunks his head a bucket of brain bleach to get rid of the horrible, horrible image.

[Rose]

Yes, he dies while boning his landlord's virgin wife. Then god goes apeshit and starts smiting people.

[Solifuge]

I just realized that, if you look at the biblical life of Jesus backwards, it's about a benevolent and omniscient aspect of god, which descends from heaven, scares a bunch of would-be prophets out of forming a new religion, and is then sentenced to death by crucifixion. He runs off to hide in a cave, but the entrance is sealed on him. The crowd finally discovers him 3 days later, whereupon he's already dead. Disappointed, the crowd carries his body off to be hung from a cross anyway. Through some miracle, he awakens and descends from the cross, alive, human, and pissed. He then proceeds to storm across the region, stealing fish and bread from the hungry, magically ruining wine, cursing the healthy with horrible afflictions, and convincing the wise to lead lives of vice and decadence.

When at last his wrath is spent, he resolves to accept this new mortal life, and settles down to become a carpenter.

Might not want to end the movie with him crawling up into [REDACTED FOR DECENCY]. That would be a little too creepy.

Scriver, this is why we can't have nice things. :I



Still, I do like the idea of three kings journeying across the world, on a karmic mission to steal all the wealth Jesus accumulated through his years of carpentry... an expensive incense, a bottle of rare perfume, and all his gold. Then, as he dies cold and destitute in a stable, the immortal aspect of god returns to the heavens, and an impossibly bright star is seen in the sky.

fin

[Il Palazzo]

fin

After Bethlehem, inspired by Herod's saving of innocent babies, he secludes himself in some remote location, whence he studies arcane mysteries under a fake name. He emerges some centuries later, and begins to use his knowledge of magic to do good. He saves a host of Egyptians from drowning in the Red Sea, later helping them ward off terrible plagues. He changes a pillar of salt into a woman for a guy named Lot. He builds Sodom and Gomorrah - the ancient Las Vegas, and encourages people to debauchery. He fixes Job's mess of a life. He extinguishes some bush fires. He ressurects all the people and animals that drowned in the Flood. He removes the fiery sword guarding the gates of Eden. He accepts a bunch of outcast angels to his household.
And then, suddenly he realises that all these deeds mean nothing. That the greatest display of power, the pinnacle of his art, would be to destroy the world. Which he does in mere six days.

[Hanslanda]

I... I love you guys. Backwards Bible sounds totally fucking epic.

[MonkeyHead]

The backwards Koran would be terrifying.

[Loud Whispers]

Someone please save this into a text file o-o

[Vorthon]

Wait. We should take all the literature and reverse the events in it. All of it.

[Loud Whispers]

Wait. We should take all the literature and reverse the events in it. All of it.

Reverse literature thread?

[Vorthon]

Reverse literature thread.

[Descan]

Reverse literature thread!

[MonkeyHead]

That might actually make some travesties like the Twilight odessy, 50 Shades and Harry Potter entertaining.

On the other hand, epics like MacBeth, the Iliad and Hard Times owuld be truly bizzare.