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Author Topic: The Captain's Log- Spiritwood  (Read 61706 times)

Cirius

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Re: The Captain's Log- Spiritwood
« Reply #270 on: February 04, 2010, 04:11:21 am »

Once again, apologies for the delay in posting. I swear to god, I'm not a happy broadband bunny at the mo.

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Arch-Bishop Cirius started at the ringing of the bell, which signalled the arrival of a pilgrim with a problem to throw at him. It was always a problem. Nobody ever came to say the hymns with him... Or say happy birthday.

Welcome to Spiritwood

Jackrabbit

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Re: The Captain's Log- Spiritwood
« Reply #271 on: February 04, 2010, 04:29:32 am »

I know the feeling, though most of the time I'm just making it up to compensate for my tendancy to writer's block under siege by bandwidth stealing aliens.
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QuakeIV

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Re: The Captain's Log- Spiritwood
« Reply #272 on: February 04, 2010, 12:52:39 pm »

Im supposing the post wasnt delayed by a few months, by a sucky provider, but blah.

Awesome post.
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LegoLord

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Re: The Captain's Log- Spiritwood
« Reply #273 on: February 04, 2010, 05:16:29 pm »

Im supposing the post wasnt delayed by a few months, by a sucky provider, but blah.

Awesome post.
It was barely half a month.  And I'm sure Cirius has a life, so the whole bandwidth problem would just give him less opportunity to post.  Be patient.
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"Oh look there is a dragon my clothes might burn let me take them off and only wear steel plate."
And this is how tinned food was invented.
Alternately: The Brick Testament. It's a really fun look at what the bible would look like if interpreted literally. With Legos.
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Typoman

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Re: The Captain's Log- Spiritwood
« Reply #274 on: February 04, 2010, 06:36:50 pm »

Yay another installment. hope your internet gets fixed soon must suck
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Cirius

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Re: The Captain's Log- Spiritwood
« Reply #275 on: February 05, 2010, 04:07:30 am »

Kubluk nodded, and strolled forwards, his eyes taking in once again the sheer majesty of the impossible room. Before him stood two stone doors, smooth as marble, stretching upwards seemingly infinitely into the dazzling light above him. Unsure as to how he would ever move such an edifice, he pressed his hands against one of the doors. As if made of feathers, the door swung open at his touch, deathly silent despite its enormous size.

Instantly, a blinding light flooded his vision, forcing him to raise a hand to protect his eyes. He blinked furiously, struggling to adapt his vision to the ethereal glow. Finally, he lowered his hand, and stepped into Nomoddon.

The chamber was vast in size, a wide circular bowl surrounded by a number of seats and tables constructed from the same unearthly material as the epic doors he had just passed through. Around each table sat a number of strange figures, covering a vast plentitude of sizes and shapes, ranging from a small bug-like creature smaller than he was, to a vast bear-headed behemoth that stood thirty feet tall, biting ferociously into a chicken leg of similarly vast size.

Kubluk looked around the chamber, and realised he recognised some of the beings. Oshar, the goddess of fertility fluttered her eyelashes at the strangely mishapen form of Ber Avus the swamp god. Doron, God of Lucky Shots laughed with a group of wolfmen, his strangely angular bow slung idly across his back. Shin, Lord of the Easily Forgotten was patting his pockets with an air of desparation, scratching his head with a furrowed brow. Kubluk couldn’t even begin to recognise the thousands of other beasts that congregated in the enormous chamber, but, he supposed, all races had their own religions. All creatures believed in something, he thought, be it a great beard in the sky, or a winged shape falling from the sky with hunger in its eyes. Here they must all come to be.

The gods of Nomoddon were deeply involved in their feasting, and it was several moments before he was noticed.

“You!” A boar staggered over on its hind legs and shoved Kubluk in the chest with a rather drunken wobble. “I don’t recognise you. Who are you?”

Kubluk furrowed his eyes. “I am Kubluk. Who are you?”

“You’re telling me, (hic) that you don’t recoil in fear from the mighty Udar! I am King of the Grove By The Tree. Twenty follow my every whim. Where I order, so they follow.”

“Twenty?” Kubluk asked, puzzled.

“My tribe is twenty strong, but soon another litter will be born, and our numbers shall grow.”

“Hang on, litter?” Kubluk inquired, even more puzzled.

“I am Lord of the Grazing Herd, the Guiding Hand of the Cattle that Dwell.”

Kubluk was beginning to suspect that all this capitalisation was a bit uncalled for. “Let me get this straight. You’re the god of a small herd of boar that live under a tree?”

“Well? What of you, tiny Kubluk.” The boar-god once again poked Kubluk with a stubby finger. “Tell me of your mighty deeds and accomplishments.”

Kubluk paused, but found his mind working surprisingly quickly. He puffed out his chest, and began to speak.

“I am Kubluk, Leader of the Caravan. Where I point, over a dozen wagons, over a hundred dwarves, and thirty mules must go. I lead my dwarves to safety through swamp, plain and canyon. I bow to no slugman or undead. I am Kubluk the Captain!”

The boar looked momentarily puzzled, then staggered off in a different direction, taking another swig from the flagon held in its paws. “Nice t’make your acquaintance Kubluk.”

From behind him came the sound of breaking crockery. Kubluk looked down as several pieces of half eaten fruit rolled past his feet. He turned quickly, and found himself looking into the eyes of Moist Vetek the Damp, who stood mouth open, eyes wide in surprise, with an apple in his hand.

“You!” Kubluk cursed.

“You?!” Moist responded with surprise.
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Arch-Bishop Cirius started at the ringing of the bell, which signalled the arrival of a pilgrim with a problem to throw at him. It was always a problem. Nobody ever came to say the hymns with him... Or say happy birthday.

Welcome to Spiritwood

QuakeIV

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Re: The Captain's Log- Spiritwood
« Reply #276 on: February 05, 2010, 01:58:58 pm »

:D
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Retro

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Re: The Captain's Log- Spiritwood
« Reply #277 on: February 05, 2010, 10:23:16 pm »

Just took the time to read the entire story today. I'd been hoping to get into some of the older forum stories earlier, but the length of the stories can be so daunting sometimes. it was rather worth the dive, of course. I quite enjoy your writing and characterization - and do I detect (more than) a hint of Pratchett influence?

I'm happy to see that this is still being updated at whatever regularity. Despite having not arrived in Spiritwood yet, the read's great.

Cirius

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Re: The Captain's Log- Spiritwood
« Reply #278 on: February 06, 2010, 03:51:57 am »

Welcome aboard! I'd be lying if I said that Pratchett hadn't had a huge impact on the way I write. Having grown up on a diet of that and Douglas Adams, I do find myself somewhat leaning in a rather particular way. I write purely to amuse myself, so forgive me if I tend to swing from depressing moments of gloom to drunken boar-gods.

I like to think of Kubluk's world as being carried through the universe on the back of an epic lemming. It's cute, unpredictable, and ultimately completely doomed.

Speaking of Spiritwood, we are rapidly approaching the conclusion of part one. The trees aren't that far away now, almost within spitting distance. Still got a couple of things to tie up before we get there though.
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Arch-Bishop Cirius started at the ringing of the bell, which signalled the arrival of a pilgrim with a problem to throw at him. It was always a problem. Nobody ever came to say the hymns with him... Or say happy birthday.

Welcome to Spiritwood

Cirius

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Re: The Captain's Log- Spiritwood
« Reply #279 on: February 06, 2010, 04:31:10 am »

Kubluk strode forward and jabbed the god in the chest, causing him to spit a chunk of half chewed apple from his mouth. “Do you have any idea of the trouble you’ve caused for us over the past few weeks? The zombies? The liche? And the accursed never-ending mud?”

Moist blinked, momentarily stunned into silence.


Kubluk continued. “We’ve trekked through several hundred miles of nothing but mud and swamp on nothing more than a badly worded prophecy of a complete failure of a weather-god.” The dwarf could feel the fury writhing inside him. The past week had seen many dwarves die, and now Kubluk found their god doing nothing more than tucking into lunch. He exploded once again into a screaming collection of curses. Several of the nearby gods were beginning to look round to see what the fuss was all about. “…and do you have any idea how long it takes to clean slugman out of a new pair of boots? To top all of that off. You promised me enough time to build that damned ship, and now it’s raining so hard even the fish are drowning!”

Moist suddenly regained his ability to move, stepped forward and grabbed Kubluk by the arm. “Will you shut up for a minute?” he hissed, dragging him away from the assembling crowd. “Do you have any idea how much danger you’re in?”

The pair moved quickly from the centre of the vast chamber, and found a relatively quiet spot. Moist lowered his voice to a quiet hiss. “Now tell me, how did you get here?”

“I prayed to the gods, asking for an audience.” Kubluk explained. “Then I found myself back here.”

“Back here? You’ve never been here. When I appeared to you, that was just a memory I dropped straight into your head. We’ve never met before now. This is Nomoddon. It’s physically not possible for you to be here.”

“Why not?”

“Because Nomoddon doesn’t exist!” Moist replied cryptically. “It’s a metaphor, an bizarre allegory for something or other, I’ve never bothered to find out precisely what. A poet invented it as couple of hundred years ago.” He paused, thinking of his next statement. “What I’m trying to say is, you can’t just swan into a metaphor acting like you own the place!”

Kubluk furrowed his brow. “But I’m here now,” he stated, somewhat obviously. “And I need your help.”

The weather-god sighed, and appeared to give up. “Yes, you mentioned the rain. How bad is it?” he asked, reaching in a small pack and drawing out what seemed to be a rather complicated looking abacus. Kubluk explained quickly, with a few choice phrases unsuitable for reproduction and Moist nodded, snapping beads backwards and forwards on the abacus with a blurring hand-movement. Finally, he looked up. “A leak,” he explained.

“A leak?”

“It’s an overflow, a release of pressure. We need to shift a certain load now, or the whole system’s going to crash in the next hour or so.”

Kubluk cursed. “Nothing you can do about it?”

“I’m afraid not. It’s either a little bit now, or it all comes down in the next few hours.”

Kubluk scratched at his beard in thought.

“But does it have to be on us?” he asked finally.

“What do you mean?”

“You have to shift the overflow, I understand that, but can’t you dump it somewhere else? There’s a legion of undead following us a days travel to the west. Slowing them down would help.”

Moist paused for a moment, swapped a couple of beads on the abacus then looked up. “Consider it done. Now will you get out of here? If anyone finds out a mortal got in here, there’ll be consequences to pay.”

Kubluk looked around the vast chamber. “But how do I get home? He asked with a puzzled frown.

Moist smiled. “That’s easy. Like I said, you were never here to begin with.”


Dirulal prodded Kubluk in the chest. “Worth a try I suppose. But to be honest, you just look like a fool.”

Kubluk’s eyes snapped open. His hand was still clasped around the ship amulet around his neck, and the wagon was rocking gently from side to side under his seat. The driving rain was still as strong as ever, lashing down with a fury.

“It’s wrong. The rain is wrong,” Kubluk muttered, almost to himself. “It shouldn’t be here, it should be in the west.”

The rain stopped.

It didn’t slow to a gentle patter before fading out, it just stopped dead. One instant there was rain, and the next only a ringing in Dirulal’s ear where the deafening roar caused by billions of raindrops should be. The dwarf looked around, his mouth agape in astonishment, the final drops of water sliding off his hood.

“Well bugger me.”
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Arch-Bishop Cirius started at the ringing of the bell, which signalled the arrival of a pilgrim with a problem to throw at him. It was always a problem. Nobody ever came to say the hymns with him... Or say happy birthday.

Welcome to Spiritwood

Labs

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Re: The Captain's Log- Spiritwood
« Reply #280 on: February 06, 2010, 09:54:13 am »

Well the Pratchett inspiration is clearly visible but this writing is excellent. I'm sure Terry himself would like to read it.
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I like to slip into bear caves around midnight and gently caress the carnivore inside before leaving a small cut of fresh fish and sneaking out.

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Re: The Captain's Log- Spiritwood
« Reply #281 on: February 06, 2010, 11:17:38 am »

Well the Pratchett inspiration is clearly visible but this writing is excellent. I'm sure Terry himself would like to read it.

Seconded. Incidentally, Moist was my favourite character from those first few updates, and I'm quite happy to have jumped in just as he made a brief return :D

QuakeIV

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Re: The Captain's Log- Spiritwood
« Reply #282 on: February 06, 2010, 12:54:45 pm »

HAH! awesome dude, your a great writer.
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GENERATION 9: The first time you see this, copy it into your sig on any forum and add 1 to the generation. Social experiment.
I wish my grass was emo, then it would cut itself.
Quote from: Jesus
Quote from: The Big Fat Carp
Jesus, you broke the site!
Sorry, Bro.
link to quote

Tack

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Re: The Captain's Log- Spiritwood
« Reply #283 on: February 17, 2010, 06:14:41 am »

Indeed. And to think you may have thought I'd forgotten you.
Here's my deal. If you get an update out, soon, I promise to get the ball rolling again on mine. Because you are my inspiration.


yeah. Now you feel bad, eh?
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Jackrabbit

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Re: The Captain's Log- Spiritwood
« Reply #284 on: February 17, 2010, 06:16:19 am »

Dude, the guilt trips. SO MANY.
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