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Author Topic: Lame artifacts!  (Read 56997 times)

kg333

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Lame artifacts!
« on: April 23, 2009, 11:51:32 pm »

I was getting really excited when I had a dwarf claim a metal forge, and gather adamantine, three different kinds of gems, and bone and shell...had my fingers crossed for an awesome weapon to kill demons with.  Instead, I got this:
Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Yes, that's not one, not two, but three images of itself on there.  It's not like I don't have other artifacts, although this is far and away my most valuable one.  At least I got a legendary blacksmith out of it.

The only redeeming quality seems to be that's it's worth 758400 dwarf bucks...can I still stick it in a noble's room for furniture?

KG
« Last Edit: April 25, 2009, 06:52:12 pm by kg333 »
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Jarod Cain

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Re: In the running for lamest artifact
« Reply #1 on: April 23, 2009, 11:55:05 pm »

Better yet, stick a noble in it like your ruler, then it might serve a purpose.
-J-
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G-Flex

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Re: In the running for lamest artifact
« Reply #2 on: April 24, 2009, 12:05:18 am »

... Lamest artifact?

It's actually useful, and probably worth a ton of money. It's made out of adamantine, for crying out loud.

How is that worse than something that's not useful in any way, made out of wood, and has no decorations? Like a birch ring with bands of birch?
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kg333

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Re: In the running for lamest artifact
« Reply #3 on: April 24, 2009, 12:12:41 am »

... Lamest artifact?

It's actually useful, and probably worth a ton of money. It's made out of adamantine, for crying out loud.

How is that worse than something that's not useful in any way, made out of wood, and has no decorations? Like a birch ring with bands of birch?

True, a wooden ring would be worse.  It's an animal trap, though...not really that useful...it's not like I can really do anything with it.  I don't trap vermin generally, so it's extravagantly lame.
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Lord Dullard

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Re: In the running for lamest artifact
« Reply #4 on: April 24, 2009, 12:43:49 am »

Hey, that's actually kind of a cool. A trap that functions by rendering the victim's brain into a pile of goo simply because of the sheer amount of self-referencing infinity-loops they see when they look at it.
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Nyxalinth

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Re: In the running for lamest artifact
« Reply #5 on: April 24, 2009, 12:52:00 am »

I just recently had my first artifact ever in a now-defunct fortress. I forget what it was called, Something The Confederation of Organs, and it was a maple coffin, bound with bands of maple and ash.  I think it was worth about 3k. No cool decorations or anything.  Laaaaaaaaame.

In my new fort, I have a chert bracelet, decorated with chert, with dwarves surrounding a cougar. It was made by a peasant in my first immigrant wave, and she's now a legendary stoneworker. :D The bracelet is cool, though, images of it turn up all over the fortress.  Even trading caravans bring stuff decorated with images of chert bracelets. I've adopted it as the symbol of my fort :D  it's worth about 14k.

Artifact #2 is a dogbone chain that menaces with spikes of dog bone.  Worth about 3k, and gave me a legendary bonecarver.  I imagine it serves to keep the dogs from peeing on the floor and getting up on the couch :D  'Bad dog!  See what happened to Fluffy?'

# 3 was a posession induced copper cage that menaces with spikes of...cloth.  Ooh, poky!  Worth about 3k. i have it on display in the statue garden.
« Last Edit: April 24, 2009, 12:55:42 am by Nyxalinth »
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Derakon

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Re: In the running for lamest artifact
« Reply #6 on: April 24, 2009, 01:41:36 am »

If I recall correctly, the worst an artifact can get is to be made of a single cheap stone with one decoration using that same stone. Those artifacts are worth 2400. Since they're clearly the lamest possible artifacts, there's not much point talking about them.

I have to say, though, the OP's artifact is pretty impressively lame. Nice job of building up -- it's made of adamantine! It has decorations in bone and two types of precious gems! It's...an animal trap. Whoopie.
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G-Flex

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Re: In the running for lamest artifact
« Reply #7 on: April 24, 2009, 01:34:14 pm »

If I recall correctly, the worst an artifact can get is to be made of a single cheap stone with one decoration using that same stone. Those artifacts are worth 2400.

No, not really. A stone mechanism isn't quite worth the same as a stone ring or a stone statue.
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azazel

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Re: In the running for lamest artifact
« Reply #8 on: April 24, 2009, 01:46:42 pm »

Spoiler (click to show/hide)
Those were the two first artifacts my current fort produced, worth 2,400 each (well, floodgate is worth 2x2,400). To date, there's been 17 artifacts. The highest valued one is at 51,600 dwarfbucks. It's an oaken bed, encrusted with alunite and topazolite. Menaces with spikes of oak and cinnamon grossular.

So don't come here complaining about "lamest artifact."
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Shurikane

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Re: In the running for lamest artifact
« Reply #9 on: April 24, 2009, 02:08:49 pm »

I won't load the save file for this but it was something along those lines:

A brown jasper... encrusted with brown jaspers.

Was worth more or less 2400 Dwarfbucks.
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Porpoisepower

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Re: In the running for lamest artifact
« Reply #10 on: April 24, 2009, 02:21:20 pm »

# 3 was a posession induced copper cage that menaces with spikes of...cloth.  Ooh, poky!  Worth about 3k. i have it on display in the statue garden.

I wonder if any one has ever gotten a artifact olivine statue of a frog, that menaces with spikes of olivine.

That would be awesome. It would look like Kermit.
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Shadowgandor

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Re: In the running for lamest artifact
« Reply #11 on: April 24, 2009, 02:32:33 pm »

I had a legendary wooden toy hammer, with images of dwarves laboring. I guess that thing is worse then what you guys have lol
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Aethios

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Re: In the running for lamest artifact
« Reply #12 on: April 24, 2009, 03:05:41 pm »

I had a legendary wooden toy hammer, with images of dwarves laboring.

The toy hammer gets my vote for "lamest artifact ever."

I sometimes get some weak ones, but never anything totally useless. Usually a bed or statue or other somewhat necessary item. I even had a bed made out of gems once.
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Nerserus

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Re: In the running for lamest artifact
« Reply #13 on: April 24, 2009, 03:34:11 pm »

Spoiler (click to show/hide)
Those were the two first artifacts my current fort produced, worth 2,400 each (well, floodgate is worth 2x2,400). To date, there's been 17 artifacts. The highest valued one is at 51,600 dwarfbucks. It's an oaken bed, encrusted with alunite and topazolite. Menaces with spikes of oak and cinnamon grossular.

So don't come here complaining about "lamest artifact."
Hey, i would KILL for an artifact like that. I got a TURTLE BONE, AMULET.That, is the story of my life when it comes to artifacts. Did you know, i've been playing for a long time, and i only got my first Artifact made by a METALCRAFTER a few hours ago? I've seen more lame artifacts than anybody and i dare someone to take up that challenge. I've had stuff like a wooden statue ( Laaaammmmeeeeeee... ), a Stone Ring, ( Hell i jump for joy when i get a stone artifact, usually bone or wood...Repeatedly.) As a matter of fact i need a bed artifact for my nobles suite. :(
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azazel

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Re: In the running for lamest artifact
« Reply #14 on: April 24, 2009, 03:57:12 pm »

Haha, yeah - guess where the bed went? :D
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