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[SHAD0Wdump]

NUKE is awesome at this game.

[JoshuaFH]

Say Yes and Follow. UnExtremely.

You follow the Dwarf through the labyrinthine-like system of caves, until you reach a large chamber, with two buildings, a plump helmet farm, and a well.



The dwarf guides you into the Bedroom house.



"This be our home, I'm Kogan, nice to meet ya. If ya wants, ya can just fall asleep anywheres."

Then a female Dwarf bursts into the room, quite exasperated.



"Something's wrong with Urist! He's holed himself up in the workshop and keeps babbling something about needing rocks and spider silk. What should we do?"

What do you do?

YES OH MIGHTY EXTREMUS.
YOUR WILL BE DONE.
I stand the right way up. Then I juggle the two eggs.
If I manage to juggle them, I start kicking the peasant.
If everything some how works, I walk to the port (still juggling the eggs) and find a shallow place to enter the river. Which I do (still juggling the eggs). Once I am doused, I ask Extremus if I can stop juggling.

That might be worth two turns.

You stand up, and are able to now juggle the two eggs. It's alot easier now that there are only two, and you're not standing on your hands.

You kick the flaming man!

Roll: 1

You deal one damage to the man! The peasant now only had 15 hp.

"AHHHH!"

The peasant has ran from battle.

You experience burning damage! You suffer 4 points worth of damage. You now have 12 Hp.

You quickly run along the river until you find a shallow, muddy spot, and jump in.



The fire is quench. You stop juggling the eggs.

What do you do?

Status

Nuke:
12hp
wearing: Dirty, old, muddy, burnt clothes. Safety Pin. Paladin of Extremus Button.
Inventory:
-Note from Duke Cody
-Paper Extremus Brochure
-2 fertilized eggs
-
-

Jon:
2hp
wearing: Dirty, old clothes. Leather shoes.
inventory:
-pouch (7 gold coins, 9 silver coins, 5 copper coins, VB coin, maps)
-wad of hay
-Fairy Whistle
-Love potion
- +2 sword (equipped)

Siquo:
15hp
wearing: Dirty, old sheet
inventory:
-
-
-
-
-

[Emperor_Jonathan]

"Hmm... Alright thanks. I'll be back in a little while if I have enough money, good bye!"

Jon then proceeded to the general store.

[NUKE9.13]

"Hmm... Alright thanks. I'll be back in a little while if I have enough money, good bye!"

Jon then proceeded to the general store.

Jon has shitloads of money, dumbass.

Anyway: I steal the port.



Yeah.


Oh, right, how? I go to the port. I look around. There is nobody here (I presume, as the portmaster has been eaten-Not that my character knows this, but he will notice the portmasters absence). I look around for some nautical clothing. I wear everything I find. Then I declare the port stolen, and start selling boats for [fair price-Something like 10 times the cost of renting it]. I will also buy back boats for [0.8 times the selling cost-provided there is no damage]. Thus people can rent or buy boats. Then I shall sit back and juggle eggs till I am rich.

[Emperor_Jonathan]

1. No he doesn't.
2. We don't know how much a backpack costs. ((Probably very little.))
3. I'm trying to stay in character, i.e. he's keeping the amount of money he has a secret as you know, a peasant having that much money would be suspicious
4. What I want to get leaves me with 1 gold coin, 9 silver coins, and 5 copper coins. Although this would probably be enough to cover it, I don't actually know.

[Siquo]

I thank Kogan.

"Well, I'm feeling rather helpful today, so can I help in any way?", I ask the unnervingly bearded female dwarf.

[JoshuaFH]

"Hmm... Alright thanks. I'll be back in a little while if I have enough money, good bye!"

Jon then proceeded to the general store.

With a hop and a skip, you make your way over to the General Store.



The shakey looking store keeper greets you,

"Why, eh, hello. um..... Oh yeah, I'm Barry, and this is my store. Uh, we got some nice items. Real nice items."

He points to the top shelf.

"Uh... These are flares, set one end on fire and they'll burn bright. REALLY bright. Their, uh, 4 silver each. and over here is a grappling hook, used for climbing things, I guess, it's 9 silver. and this last thing is a box of rations, well, it's called rations, but it's really just bananas. They're really good bananas though, I promise. It's, uh, 5 silver."

Then he points to the bottom shelf.

"Here we got 3... no, I mean 2 backpacks, increasing your inventory by 3, they're 3 silver. Then we got some, uh... buckets of paint. We got some red, blue, and green paint, they're 5 silver each. and, uh, lastly, we got a glass jar full of caltrops, it's 1 gold."

What do you do?

"Hmm... Alright thanks. I'll be back in a little while if I have enough money, good bye!"

Jon then proceeded to the general store.

Jon has shitloads of money, dumbass.

Anyway: I steal the port.



Yeah.


Oh, right, how? I go to the port. I look around. There is nobody here (I presume, as the portmaster has been eaten-Not that my character knows this, but he will notice the portmasters absence). I look around for some nautical clothing. I wear everything I find. Then I declare the port stolen, and start selling boats for [fair price-Something like 10 times the cost of renting it]. I will also buy back boats for [0.8 times the selling cost-provided there is no damage]. Thus people can rent or buy boats. Then I shall sit back and juggle eggs till I am rich.

You feel like a business man!

You march right over to empty port, assume it's abandoned, and set up shop.



You feel proud of your entrepreneurial spirit.

You'll surely make a bundle on this venture of yours.



The peasant you set on fire earlier (now with 7 hp) is running and screaming towards you on fire.

"WHY DID YOU DO THIS?!?!?! AAAAAHHHHHRRRRGGG!"

What do you do?

I thank Kogan.

"Well, I'm feeling rather helpful today, so can I help in any way?", I ask the unnervingly bearded female dwarf.

You ask the lady what's wrong and she brings you to the dwarven workshop.



inside the workshop is a blue stone table with a dwarf buy it, he is babbling.

"Need silk. Need Silk. Need GIANT CAVE SPIDER SILK!!!"

The lady dwarf looks at you.

"Giant Cave Spider Silk? There IS a giant cave spider, but it's the deadliest thing we dwarves know of."

What do you do?

[Emperor_Jonathan]

"Hi Barry. Could I get one backpack thanks."

[JoshuaFH]

"Hi Barry. Could I get one backpack thanks."

"Eh, alright, here ya go."



Your inventory space increases by three as you pay the man for the backpack.

Status

Nuke:
12hp
wearing: Dirty, old, muddy, burnt clothes. Safety Pin. Paladin of Extremus Button.
Inventory:
-Note from Duke Cody
-Paper Extremus Brochure
-2 fertilized eggs
-
-

Jon:
2hp
wearing: Dirty, old clothes. Leather shoes.
inventory:
-pouch (7 gold coins, 6 silver coins, 5 copper coins, VB coin, maps)
-wad of hay
-Fairy Whistle
-Love potion
- +2 sword (equipped)
-
-
-

Siquo:
15hp
wearing: Dirty, old sheet
inventory:
-
-
-
-
-

[Emperor_Jonathan]

Jon goes back to the armory, "Hi. Could I get the +2 Halberd and the +4 Metal shirt."

((Equip both, unequip sword.))

[NUKE9.13]

Push him in the water. Then hold him under till he's dead, then hide him under the port.

[Siquo]

"Well, it seems like your friend here is about to go berserk if he can't have it. Let's try to go get some silk, but lock the door on your way out, in case we don't make it..."

"We might need more of your friends to get any silk and save your friend in the workshop from killing himself."
We all proceed towards the Giant Cave Spiders' lair. Trembling.

((My niceness will be the death of me))

[JoshuaFH]

Jon goes back to the armory, "Hi. Could I get the +2 Halberd and the +4 Metal shirt."

((Equip both, unequip sword.))

You go the Armory and purchase the +2 halberd and +4 metal shirt.



"Thank you! Thank you very much! Would you like anything else mister?"

What do you do?

Push him in the water. Then hold him under till he's dead, then hide him under the port.

You attempt to push the man into the water!

Coin Flip: Tails

You aim to push him but miss!



The peasant attacks you!

Roll: 2

he deals 2 damage to you! Fortunately, your wet clothes don't catch on fire. You have 10 hp now.

The man suffers fire damage! He receives 4 damage. He now has 3 hp.

What do you do?

"Well, it seems like your friend here is about to go berserk if he can't have it. Let's try to go get some silk, but lock the door on your way out, in case we don't make it..."

"We might need more of your friends to get any silk and save your friend in the workshop from killing himself."
We all proceed towards the Giant Cave Spiders' lair. Trembling.

((My niceness will be the death of me))

Expressing sentiment for Urist's condition, you agree to go get some silk. Kogan escorts you through the labyrinthine caves again until you come to a small antechamber. From a distance, you spy the Giant Cave Spider.



"Yep, that's it. I don't know about you, but I'd rather let Urist die than anger the Giant Spider."

It looks vicious (with 25 hp and a +2 natural attack modifier). You can't see any silk anywhere.

What do you do?

Status

Nuke:
10hp
wearing: Dirty, old, muddy, burnt clothes. Safety Pin. Paladin of Extremus Button.
Inventory:
-Note from Duke Cody
-Paper Extremus Brochure
-2 fertilized eggs
-
-

Jon:
2hp
wearing: +4 Metal Shirt. Leather shoes.
inventory:
-pouch (7 gold coins, 6 silver coins, 5 copper coins, VB coin, maps)
-wad of hay
-Fairy Whistle
-Love potion
- +2 sword
-Old, dirty clothes
- +2 Halberd (Spear and axe, equipped)
-

Siquo:
15hp
wearing: Dirty, old sheet
inventory:
-
-
-
-
-

[NUKE9.13]

:[
WHY WONT YOU DIE?
I pick up the peasant and throw him into the river. Then I throw stuff at his corpse.

[Siquo]

Here goes nothing...

I say: "Trust me! I know what I'm doing!"

Show Kogan towards the spider (yay for dwarf-tossing).

Wait for the spider to web him.

Pick up stones (knowing dwarven fortresses, there should be ZILLIONS of them). Throw them at the stalactites above the spider, so they will break and impale the spider. Continue until I succeed.

If the spider comes at me, run. Fast.