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[NUKE9.13]

Ok: I juggle the eggs, and pray to extremus to light a fire floating in the air, just under the arc of the eggs.
I can't think of a more EXTREME way to cook them which is within my grasp.

[Siquo]

Having seen "Harold and Kumar go to White Castle" recently, I can't help but think of the "EXTREME" guys in that movie, every time Nuke makes an action.

"Dude, that is so not extreme."

[JoshuaFH]

"Hmm... I could go to Fort Lamar... Or my original destination, Baurville.


Fuck it. Lets go to Fort Lamar."

After a while...

"What was I going to do in Baurville again?"

You head over to Fort Lamar.

You look around.



What do you do?

Hit a stalagmite with my stick.

Examine the strands of light. (EXTREMELY!)

Continue deeper into the cave.

You want to hit the stalagmites, but there are no stalagmites, only stalactites.

You examine the light blue strands, they seem vaguely metallic, but not valuable at all.

You head deeper into the cave.



You find a hole in the wall. You look into the hole, you see a whole mess of dwarves, and in the distance, you see an Industry Demon and a demon of sputtering noises with some people. All are too far away to interact with. No one is moving, it looks like everyone's been standing in place for days.

From out of the darkness you are approached by a dwarf.



The Dwarf look at you suspiciously.

What do you do?

Ok: I juggle the eggs, and pray to extremus to light a fire floating in the air, just under the arc of the eggs.
I can't think of a more EXTREME way to cook them which is within my grasp.

You take the eggs the best you can whilst standing on your hands.

You make a prayer to Extremus to create a floating flame above you with the promise that you'll juggle eggs through it. You hear a faint voice, "this better be good".



You throw an egg up into the air, completely disregarding the fact that you can't juggle because your a peasant and it hits the ground and breaks.



The broken egg reveals that the eggs are fertilized.

You think that this would be so much easier if you weren't standing on your hands, but that's a crazy thought and keep standing on them anyway.

What do you do?

[Emperor_Jonathan]

I go to the armory! These peasant clothes are getting dirty.

[Siquo]

"Hello my dear length-challenged bearded friend, care to tell me where I am, and how to get out of here?", I try to speak softly, lest the demons hear me.

[Cheeetar]

I am the Demon of Industry. May I control him?

[NUKE9.13]

That guy is an innocent bystander. I grab a stick with my foot and set fire to him.
EXTREMELY

EDIT: I also give a passing prayer of happy birthdayness to the creator

[JoshuaFH]

I am the Demon of Industry. May I control him?

Naw, I just wanted to make a jab at Inaluct's story in his thread.

"Hello my dear length-challenged bearded friend, care to tell me where I am, and how to get out of here?", I try to speak softly, lest the demons hear me.

"Hello Human, how did you come to get down here? You're near the Dwarven underground settlement. How to get out? well, that's going to be difficult, would you like me to escort you to the settlement?"

What do you do?

That guy is an innocent bystander. I grab a stick with my foot and set fire to him.
EXTREMELY

EDIT: I also give a passing prayer of happy birthdayness to the creator

You set the man on fire with a stick that just happened to be nearby.



The man is dealt 4 damage. He is reduced to 16 hp. He will continue to lose 4 hp each turn until dead.

"NO WHY DID YOU DO THAT?!"

You hear a booming voice in your head,

"I wanted to see eggs juggled!"

You burst into flames.



You are dealt 4 damage. You will be dealt 4 damage every turn until the fire is extinguished.

What do you do?

I go to the armory! These peasant clothes are getting dirty.

You go to the Armory.



Inside is three shelves with a large variety of weapons and armor on them.

The the Armory keeper (holding a +3 sword, and wearing +5 armor) greets you amiably, with a wide smile on his face.

"Hello there! Can I help you? Welcome to Fort Lamar's Armory, the best place for commercial weapons and armor in the entirety of Earl! Allow me to explain our selection to you!"

He points to the bottom shelf,

"this is our used and low-quality goods. He we have a +2 sword, a +2 knife, a +2 axe, a +2 spear, a +2 mace, and two pairs of +2 chain mail shirts. Everything on the bottom shelf is 2 gold each."

Then he points to the middle shelf,

"This is our New goods, here we have 2 +3 swords, 2 +3 knives, 2 +3 axes, 2 +4 spears, 2 +4 maces, and 3 +4 Metal shirts. Everything on the middle shelf is 3 gold each."

Then he points to the top shelf,

"these are our rare, exotic, and experimental items. A +2 Halberd, which is a spear AND an axe, depending on whether you stab or swing, which is 35 silver. Then we have 3 bombs, which deal 10d6 damage to everything caught in the blast radius, are 4 gold each. Then we have a shield, which allows you to spend one combat turn "shielding" which halves the damage you receive, rounding down, costs 3 gold, and a  crossbow, allows anyone, even an peasant, to shoot professionally, comes with 5 complimentary +3 arrows. Then you can buy packs of 5 additional +3 arrows for 1 gold each. What'll you have stranger?"

What do you do?

Status

Nuke:
16hp
wearing: Dirty, Old clothes. Safety Pin. Paladin of Extremus Button.
Inventory:
-Note from Duke Cody
-Paper Extremus Brochure
-
-
-

Jon:
2hp
wearing: Dirty, old clothes. Leather shoes.
inventory:
-pouch (7 gold coins, 9 silver coins, 5 copper coins, VB coin, maps)
-wad of hay
-Fairy Whistle
-Love potion
- +2 sword (equipped)

Siquo:
15hp
wearing: Dirty, old sheet
inventory:
-
-
-
-
-

[Emperor_Jonathan]

"Hmm...

Do you have any backpacks?"

[cowofdoom78963]

oh! juggle eggs while on fire! Thats extreme for sure!

[NUKE9.13]

YES OH MIGHTY EXTREMUS.
YOUR WILL BE DONE.
I stand the right way up. Then I juggle the two eggs.
If I manage to juggle them, I start kicking the peasant.
If everything some how works, I walk to the port (still juggling the eggs) and find a shallow place to enter the river. Which I do (still juggling the eggs). Once I am doused, I ask Extremus if I can stop juggling.

That might be worth two turns.

[Poltifar]

I'd recommend you just stop, drop, and roll...
But if you want to do it the hard way, suit yourself

[JoshuaFH]

Before I do your turn Nuke, Define "start kicking the peasant".

Also, I did some math, and came to the conclusion that the weapon system, as I've laid it out, is unbalanced. The way I had it set up, Knives and axes were more powerful than every other weapon, except in extreme examples. From here on out:

-the swords overall damage for lucky strikes is doubled, as opposed multiplied by 1.5.
-Spears, on lucky strikes, treat the target as having no armor at all, as opposed to half armor.
-Maces, on lucky strikes, permanently decrease the target's armor by 2, and a 50/50 chance to stun the target for 1 combat turn is given, a coin flip determines this.

With these changes, the weapons should better conform to this graph I made, which determines the usefulness of weapons based on the armor of the target.



Feel free to ask me any question on my changes.

Now, onto the actual turn:

"Hmm...

Do you have any backpacks?"

"No, the armory only has weapons and armor, you might want to try the general store for that. It's next door."

[NUKE9.13]

Define "start kicking the peasant"

Do more damage to him. By kicking him. With my legs.

[Siquo]

Say Yes and Follow. UnExtremely.