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Author Topic: Blockedlance - No More Stops Until Ragnarok!  (Read 433244 times)

MrGimp

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Re: Blockedlance - The Next Generation
« Reply #1665 on: March 11, 2010, 03:30:29 pm »

TRAGEDY!!!!!



The Duke has gone fey!!!  Oh noes!!!  Now he's going to go emo from not being able to find turtle shell!!!!!

The Queen sends prayers to Armok for the continued sanity of her would-be love.
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Thus ends the official written history of the fortress known as Boatmurdered. May their tortured souls rest in peace.

Moose Fisher

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Re: Blockedlance - The Next Generation
« Reply #1666 on: March 11, 2010, 04:22:15 pm »

Quick, have the duke name a successor!
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"I'll bet ye've got all sorts o' barmy questions! (She mimics your heroic stance) Greetin's, I have some questions... can ye tell me about this place? Who's the Lady o' Pain? I'm lookin' fer the magic Girdle of Swank Iron, have ye seen it? Do ye know where a portal ta the 2,817th Plane o' the Abyss might be? Do ye know where the Holy Flamin' Frost-Brand Gronk-Slayin' Vorpal Hammer o' Woundin' an' Returnin' an' Shootin'-Lightnin'-Out-Yer-Bum is?"
-Elderly Hive Dweller

Tazgrent

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Re: Blockedlance - The Next Generation
« Reply #1667 on: March 11, 2010, 10:51:22 pm »

Wow. I just spent the last 3 days reading this.

HOLY.
SHIT.
AMAZING.

And now, I'd like to be a part of it, if possible. Could I have some sort of stone or metal worker? If none of those are available, some sort of wood or craft dwarf. Name: Tazgrent. Make my eventual death dwarfy.
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The only notable thing to remember about dwarf beards is that when a pansy human and a dwarf argue over whether or not shaved chicks are better, they're probably not on the same page.

HAMMERMILL

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Re: Blockedlance - The Next Generation
« Reply #1668 on: March 11, 2010, 11:50:19 pm »

Good stuff.

So how is Baron von Montague doing? I forgot what his profession even was.
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Soviet Travolta

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Re: Blockedlance - The Next Generation
« Reply #1669 on: March 12, 2010, 03:57:41 am »

TRAGEDY!!!!!

The Duke has gone fey!!!  Oh noes!!!  Now he's going to go emo from not being able to find turtle shell!!!!!

The Queen sends prayers to Armok for the continued sanity of her would-be love.

Oh come on! I'm swimming in billon and now all i want is turtle shell? Damn my noble genes. Never satisfied of anything!
Anyway, going emo seems a pretty accurate reaction for having sexual intercourse covered in blood for several years.

Make the best of it, Mr Gimp!
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I propose a truly dorfy solution: toady should implement a special helmet that (mostly) protects against fall damage, so that the toughest dwarves of the fortress can take the 10-z level jump down, pick and axe in hand, and construct stairs back up to the upper levels.

Khamero

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Re: Blockedlance - The Next Generation
« Reply #1670 on: March 12, 2010, 06:16:13 am »

Whoo! Finally caught up to this thread, apparently I stopped getting updates on my mail and forgot all about these forums...   :-[

But now I'm back again, and as the only apparent dwarf in this fortress not having my lance blocked either! Just figures what I´d do if I got a noble in bed... =D

...I wonder if the other male dwarves around there are getting jealous?
I also wonder how me and Jewelettarette met? Must have been when the pyramid was finished...
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You might think that this is some sort of trap. That I’m using you as bait to lure in your friends. I’m not. I just enjoy torturing innocent, young girls.

I know it’s sick. But everyone needs a hobby.

MrGimp

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Re: Blockedlance - The Next Generation
« Reply #1671 on: March 12, 2010, 11:12:09 pm »

Wow. I just spent the last 3 days reading this.

HOLY.
SHIT.
AMAZING.

And now, I'd like to be a part of it, if possible. Could I have some sort of stone or metal worker? If none of those are available, some sort of wood or craft dwarf. Name: Tazgrent. Make my eventual death dwarfy.

Sure.  Tazgrent is a stonecrafter now.  You're already legendary.  You and the other surviving stonecrafter have already crafted the undesirable stones.  But more are on the way as I expand the Dwarven Valhalla Cave, so you'll have more to craft soon.

And as a pagan your death will be very dwarfy.   ;D
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Thus ends the official written history of the fortress known as Boatmurdered. May their tortured souls rest in peace.

MrGimp

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Re: Blockedlance - The Next Generation
« Reply #1672 on: March 12, 2010, 11:21:22 pm »

Good stuff.

So how is Baron von Montague doing? I forgot what his profession even was.

He's head of the Stonecutters, under the Duke.  Since the pyramid is done I guess you and the other 'cutters have been hanging about socializing.  Which is good.  I'm getting everyone to hang out in a one-tile wide meeting area in an alcove under the waterfall.  Hopefully you and the other Armok worshipers will start getting married and making more babies.

You were supposed to hook up with Moose, the Duchess' daughter.  But now you're bunking with fellow Armok worshiping Stonecutter Baroness Aldaris.  I dont really care who you end up tying the knot with though.  JUST BANG!!!

 :D
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Thus ends the official written history of the fortress known as Boatmurdered. May their tortured souls rest in peace.

MrGimp

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Re: Blockedlance - The Next Generation
« Reply #1673 on: March 12, 2010, 11:37:30 pm »

After well over a month of gathering items from all over the fort, refusing to socialize, refusing to eat, and even refusing booze, Duke Travolta has come forth from his hiding place with this...



...a talc weapon rack. 

Yay.   

 ::)

The Queen was quite pissed.

"I dont get it Travolta!" shouted the Queen in irritation.  "Why did you build this out of talc? If you're trying to make something legendarily awesome, why can't you think to use some Adamantine?  I've left loads of it down there waiting to be had by you psychotic dwarves in your fits....and yet, you make nothing interesting!  A talc weapon rack?  Why cant you make a weapon or a shield, or some armor?"

"Uhhh..." mumbled the Duke.  "I'm not an armorsmith."

"Yeah well you're not a mason or a stonecrafter either!  What's with the picture of the artifact Adamantine table on there huh?  Why would you want to remind people of what a semi-decent artifact is when they're looking at this piece of junk?!  I can't believe I called an artifact table a semi-decent artifact!  Thats how bad this talc weapon rack is!"  The Queen was quite flustered by this point.  The Duke was afraid to speak.

Finally he mustered the courage.  "Sooo....you don't want it?"

The Queen sighed heavily and rolled her eyes.  "Of course I don't want it!  Why don't you give it to your mother?  Talc is befitting a Grand-Duchess....not a Queen!"

"Yes, dear," replied the Duke as the Queen stammered off in frustration.

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Thus ends the official written history of the fortress known as Boatmurdered. May their tortured souls rest in peace.

MrGimp

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Re: Blockedlance - The Next Generation
« Reply #1674 on: March 12, 2010, 11:43:31 pm »

In more interesting news...



The Court Musician Kurk Quorcane has officially tied the knot with his beloved Dungeon Mistress Petbeard!  Hopefully babies will soon be on the way!  Full blooded noble Armok worshipers this time! 

Urist had mixed feelings about Kurk, having once tried to awkwardly have a relationship with him.  It had stopped short of blood soaked sex when Kurk was found plotting to kill her.  But now that Kurk's spirit had utterly been broken (he sits all day playing depressing songs on his harp) the Queen was kind of happy to see him be put to good use breeding Armok worshipers for the next generation.  Especially since the Dungeon Mistress was known for dominating, chaining up, and whipping her lovers.  She knew Kurk was getting the treatment he deserved.



The Stonecutters are getting some part time work building a small mural inside the pyramid.  An unimportant dwarf named Cerol accidentally walled himself in, and his spirit was given to Armok.  While his family may provide a coffin for him in the catacombs, this will be as a memorial for them.  His actual bones will remain interred in the pyramid until they rot to dust.

« Last Edit: March 12, 2010, 11:47:22 pm by MrGimp »
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Thus ends the official written history of the fortress known as Boatmurdered. May their tortured souls rest in peace.

Argonnek

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Re: Blockedlance - The Next Generation
« Reply #1675 on: March 12, 2010, 11:56:54 pm »

You know, if you wanted Queen Urist to attract the Duke, you could have a certain legendary, Armok-worshiping clothier make her a sexy outfit. *cough*

Cheddarius

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Re: Blockedlance - The Next Generation
« Reply #1676 on: March 13, 2010, 01:04:05 am »

Well, I think Travolta's rack is pretty nice. :P
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The Architect

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Re: Blockedlance - The Next Generation
« Reply #1677 on: March 13, 2010, 01:22:42 am »

Well, I think Travolta's rack is pretty nice. :P

I never noticed. Does he really have a nice chest? Never seen him take his shirt off in any movies.
(this is where the Sarcmark might actually be useful)
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Dwarf Fortress: where blunders never cease.
The sigs topic:
Oh man, this is truly sigworthy...
Oh man. This is truly sig-worthy.

Ze Spy

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Re: Blockedlance - The Next Generation
« Reply #1678 on: March 13, 2010, 02:16:55 am »

WALLS STOLE OUR DWARFS

honestly , Takin' what don't belong to 'em. That's how Walls roll.
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Huesoo

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Re: Blockedlance - The Next Generation
« Reply #1679 on: March 13, 2010, 08:29:25 am »

Holy shit skull arena? Also could you train Freeden to be a swordsdwarf?
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BOTTLED MESSAGE BE AFLOAT
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