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[The Lupanian]

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Go in security and look for a gun!

Name: Mad Monke ~A monkey that wandered into the arena and grabbed his stuff~
Photo: https://imgur.com/a/J6VaR38 ~except as a monkey~
Stats
Strengtho: 4
Speedize: 4
ThrustAdjust: 0
Hardsy: 0
Intellectable: 0
ViewBetter: 0
BMI: 4

Inventory

Sling Blade - $43.84

First Aid Kit - $9.88

Hunting Knife - $13.99

Total $67.71

[m1895]

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Chainsaw open the glass case and grab the pornomags.

Spoiler: Potential Contestant (click to show/hide)

Name: Willy Roy Campbell the III
Photo: here
Stats:
Strengtho: 4
Speedize: 1
Thrustadjust: 0
Hardsy: 4
Intelectable: 0
Viewbetter: 2
BMI: 4
Purchased Items:
Hyper Tough 20V HT Charge Cordless 10 inch Auto-Oiling Chainsaw HT19-401-003-11 ($72.00)
Corona Extra Coronita Mexican Lager Beer, 6 pk 7 fl oz Bottles, 4.6% ABV ($6.48)
Zippo Windproof Satin Chrome? Pocket Lighter ($10.42)
CRESTWARE 14" W Aluminum Stock Pot Lid
Loose cigarette ()
Total cost: 94.86 or something, Bubba ain't too good at the Numbers and all that

[Xantalos]

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

My my, quite a find! Now then, use the brush and one of my tubs of margarine to grease myself up for protection, then head into Vintage Comics and loot whatever I can find that's valuable. I'm sure there's a bunch of mint edition nerd shit in there!

Spoiler: Butterball (click to show/hide)

Name: Butterball the Horse
Photo: https://www.peopleofwalmart.com/return-stall/
Stats:
Strengtho - 0
Speedize - 4
ThrustAdjust - 0
Hardsy - 4
Intellectable - 0
ViewBetter - 3
BMI - 4

Inventory: 3.17 kg of margarine - x12, $7.97 each
Pillsbury Silicone Brush - $3.97
Total: $99.61

Loot: Jake Slagerton signed photos - $145

[KitRougard]

Spoiler: I HIDE FROM NOONE. (click to show/hide)

NAME: Absolutus
STATS:
Strengtho: 4
Speedize: 2
ThrustAdjust: 0
Hardsy: 3
Intellectable: 0
ViewBetter: 2
BMI: 4

Purchases:
Truper MD20HC 20 lb. Sledge Hammer
$62.10
Mainstays Stainless Steel 8 Quart Stock Pot with Lid - But carefully hammered and chisled into a very nice spartan helmet... Thereby losing all normal retail value, but becoming BADASS HEAD PROTECTION.
$6.94*

Retro Gaming! The most expensive of gaming, but NOT HIS LAND. He needed to find his BROTHERS OF THE SWOLE, so he could PURGE THE HERETICS that did not walk with them.
Leave for a more popular place - Perhaps this "High-End Cosplay." Stealth is not an issue for a SWOLEBROTHER like ABSOLUTUS. Once there, strike SWOLEPOSES in the secret language of the SWOLEBROTHERS. These poses, seen by one who walks the PATH OF THE SWOLE, say:
"TO ME, BROTHERS! THE TIME HAS COME TO OIL OUR SKIN WITH THE BLOOD OF THE UNFAITHFUL! WALK WITH ME AND WE WILL FIND VICTORY!"

[King Zultan]

Spoiler: I shall try again! (click to show/hide)

NAME: Bob Smith
PHOTO: https://www.mindbounce.com/thumbcache/0/0/0922be90f1d15aa7435b1daad570d244/p/uploads/2012/08/dd7da42e.png

STATS:
Strengtho: 4
Speedize: 3
ThrustAdjust: 2
Hardsy: 2
Intellectable: 3
ViewBetter: 1
BMI: 0

ITEMS:
NOTHING

[piecewise]

ONE MORE TURN TILL SUPER SHOPPER!
ORCA YOU HAVE ONE MORE TURN OF NOT SHOWING UP BEFORE I BLOW YOUR HEAD OFF

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

NAME: Steve "Social distancer" Dickson

PHOTO: Photo

STATS:
Strengtho: 4
Speedize: 4
ThrustAdjust: 3
Hardsy: 0
Intellectable: 1
ViewBetter: 3

ITEMS:
Kayak Paddle $24,52
Synthetic Motor Oil $22,38
Mentos Mint Flavor Rolls $17.48
(2 pack) Diet Coke Soda Soft Drink, 16.9 fl oz, 6 Pack $8.62
Duck Brand Max Strength 1.88 in. x 45 yd. Duct Tape, Silver $5.97
Total: $78, 97

Entire steampunk outfit $157

Spoiler: Action (click to show/hide)

Move towards the Bottom Right of the Store if the memes are right just a pair of tabletop figurines from the boardgame/toys section should be enough to reach the $1000

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Steve blunders into the boardgame section and right into Monke! However, neither of them seem to have any overtly hostile intentions so they just go about their business as if nothing happened!

[4] Steve cannot find the mythic Games Garage figures that are said to be worth more by weight than gold, human blood, or cocaine. He does however find some pretty nice 3d printed minis in convenient blister packs! [+$102]

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Go in security and look for a gun!

Name: Mad Monke ~A monkey that wandered into the arena and grabbed his stuff~
Photo: https://imgur.com/a/J6VaR38 ~except as a monkey~
Stats
Strengtho: 4
Speedize: 4
ThrustAdjust: 0
Hardsy: 0
Intellectable: 0
ViewBetter: 0
BMI: 4

Inventory

Sling Blade - $43.84

First Aid Kit - $9.88

Hunting Knife - $13.99

Total $67.71

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Steve blunders into the boardgame section and right into Monke! However, neither of them seem to have any overtly hostile intentions so they just go about their business as if nothing happened!

Monke heads down into the security room, looking for the most tasty of fruits: The gun. [1]
He accidently locks himself in a filing cabinet! How did he get in there? What was he looking for? Why is the sound of a monkey trapped in a filing cabinet so funny? Its like a giant toddler bouncing around in a tin can. Screech bonk clang screech rustle clang. Ha.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Chainsaw open the glass case and grab the pornomags.

Spoiler: Potential Contestant (click to show/hide)

Name: Willy Roy Campbell the III
Photo: here
Stats:
Strengtho: 4
Speedize: 1
Thrustadjust: 0
Hardsy: 4
Intelectable: 0
Viewbetter: 2
BMI: 4
Purchased Items:
Hyper Tough 20V HT Charge Cordless 10 inch Auto-Oiling Chainsaw HT19-401-003-11 ($72.00)
Corona Extra Coronita Mexican Lager Beer, 6 pk 7 fl oz Bottles, 4.6% ABV ($6.48)
Zippo Windproof Satin Chrome? Pocket Lighter ($10.42)
CRESTWARE 14" W Aluminum Stock Pot Lid
Loose cigarette ()
Total cost: 94.86 or something, Bubba ain't too good at the Numbers and all that

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

[4] Willy smashes the glass case and extracts what he can, trying not to ruin it. [+$61]

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

My my, quite a find! Now then, use the brush and one of my tubs of margarine to grease myself up for protection, then head into Vintage Comics and loot whatever I can find that's valuable. I'm sure there's a bunch of mint edition nerd shit in there!

Spoiler: Butterball (click to show/hide)

Name: Butterball the Horse
Photo: https://www.peopleofwalmart.com/return-stall/
Stats:
Strengtho - 0
Speedize - 4
ThrustAdjust - 0
Hardsy - 4
Intellectable - 0
ViewBetter - 3
BMI - 4

Inventory: 3.17 kg of margarine - x12, $7.97 each
Pillsbury Silicone Brush - $3.97
Total: $99.61

Loot: Jake Slagerton signed photos - $145

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Butterball wanders into Vintage comics and notices Willy to the north, smashing open a glass display case of pornography. [2] Butterball searches for some nice vintage comics, but to his dismay all of the comics are packed into boxes so that animals with fingers can flip through them and pull out what they want. But for fingerless butterball, this renders them nearly impossible to browse!

"How unreasonable!" he snorts, in horse language.

Spoiler: I HIDE FROM NOONE. (click to show/hide)

NAME: Absolutus
STATS:
Strengtho: 4
Speedize: 2
ThrustAdjust: 0
Hardsy: 3
Intellectable: 0
ViewBetter: 2
BMI: 4

Purchases:
Truper MD20HC 20 lb. Sledge Hammer
$62.10
Mainstays Stainless Steel 8 Quart Stock Pot with Lid - But carefully hammered and chisled into a very nice spartan helmet... Thereby losing all normal retail value, but becoming BADASS HEAD PROTECTION.
$6.94*

Retro Gaming! The most expensive of gaming, but NOT HIS LAND. He needed to find his BROTHERS OF THE SWOLE, so he could PURGE THE HERETICS that did not walk with them.
Leave for a more popular place - Perhaps this "High-End Cosplay." Stealth is not an issue for a SWOLEBROTHER like ABSOLUTUS. Once there, strike SWOLEPOSES in the secret language of the SWOLEBROTHERS. These poses, seen by one who walks the PATH OF THE SWOLE, say:
"TO ME, BROTHERS! THE TIME HAS COME TO OIL OUR SKIN WITH THE BLOOD OF THE UNFAITHFUL! WALK WITH ME AND WE WILL FIND VICTORY!"

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

[["I hide from no one" says the man posting his action in a spoiler~]]

Abso heads south and into the cosplay section. The high end stuff seems mostly to be premade, custom outfits of various pop culture figures. Sadly, he doesn't run into any other contestants on the way and thus has no opportunity to shout at them.

Spoiler: I shall try again! (click to show/hide)

NAME: Bob Smith
PHOTO: https://www.mindbounce.com/thumbcache/0/0/0922be90f1d15aa7435b1daad570d244/p/uploads/2012/08/dd7da42e.png

STATS:
Strengtho: 4
Speedize: 3
ThrustAdjust: 2
Hardsy: 2
Intellectable: 3
ViewBetter: 1
BMI: 0

ITEMS:
NOTHING

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Bob gets dumped into the arcade, right on a skeeball table

[m1895]

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

well I guess the next best place to head is over to the Cosplay section. Anything there is likely very expensive.

Spoiler: Potential Contestant (click to show/hide)

Name: Willy Roy Campbell the III
Photo: here
Stats:
Strengtho: 4
Speedize: 1
Thrustadjust: 0
Hardsy: 4
Intelectable: 0
Viewbetter: 2
BMI: 4
Purchased Items:
Hyper Tough 20V HT Charge Cordless 10 inch Auto-Oiling Chainsaw HT19-401-003-11 ($72.00)
Corona Extra Coronita Mexican Lager Beer, 6 pk 7 fl oz Bottles, 4.6% ABV ($6.48)
Zippo Windproof Satin Chrome? Pocket Lighter ($10.42)
CRESTWARE 14" W Aluminum Stock Pot Lid
Loose cigarette ()
Total cost: 94.84
Loot: 61 dollars in Pornomags

[The Lupanian]

Spoiler: There’s a joke in there somewhere… (click to show/hide)

Use knife to pry the cabinet open and get out. Then find that gun and/or attack anyone who has followed me with the sling blade.

Name: Mad Monke ~A monkey that wandered into the arena and grabbed his stuff~
Photo: https://imgur.com/a/J6VaR38 ~except as a monkey~
Stats
Strengtho: 4
Speedize: 4
ThrustAdjust: 0
Hardsy: 0
Intellectable: 0
ViewBetter: 0
BMI: 4

Inventory

https://www.walmart.com/ip/Seymour-S500-Industrial-Ditch-Bank-Blade/169834880 - Sling Blade - $43.84

https://www.walmart.com/ip/Equate-All-Purpose-First-Aid-Kit-140-Items/421170443 - First Aid Kit - $9.88

https://www.walmart.com/ip/11-25-Defender-Xtreme-Full-Tang-Serrated-Blade-Silver-Wood-Hunting-Knife-with-Sheath/139612632 - Hunting Knife - $13.99

Total $67.71

[Xantalos]

Spoiler: Bah, Humbug! (click to show/hide)

Take a few boxes in that case - I'll simply have to find their value later. Now then, probably best to avoid other contestants; being horses they aren't exactly civilized. Let's head south to Comic Merch and continue perusing the isles.

Spoiler: Butterball (click to show/hide)

Name: Butterball the Horse
Photo: https://www.peopleofwalmart.com/return-stall/
Stats:
Strengtho - 0
Speedize - 4
ThrustAdjust - 0
Hardsy - 4
Intellectable - 0
ViewBetter - 3
BMI - 4

Inventory: 3.17 kg of margarine - x12, $7.97 each
Pillsbury Silicone Brush - $3.97
Total: $99.61

Loot: Jake Slagerton signed photos - $145

[ziizo]

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

NAME: Steve "Social distancer" Dickson

PHOTO: Photo

STATS:
Strengtho: 4
Speedize: 4
ThrustAdjust: 3
Hardsy: 0
Intellectable: 1
ViewBetter: 3

ITEMS:
Kayak Paddle $24,52
Synthetic Motor Oil $22,38
Mentos Mint Flavor Rolls $17.48
(2 pack) Diet Coke Soda Soft Drink, 16.9 fl oz, 6 Pack $8.62
Duck Brand Max Strength 1.88 in. x 45 yd. Duct Tape, Silver $5.97
Total: $78, 97

Entire steampunk outfit $157
nice 3d printed minis in convenient blister packs! $102
Total= $ 259

Spoiler: Action (click to show/hide)

Move towards Vintage Toys with my kayak paddle out so I can use violence next time I meet another contestant

[King Zultan]

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Quickly bust one of the legs off the skeeball table, then grab the most expensive looking thing in the room with my.

Spoiler: I shall try again! (click to show/hide)

NAME: Bob Smith
PHOTO: https://www.mindbounce.com/thumbcache/0/0/0922be90f1d15aa7435b1daad570d244/p/uploads/2012/08/dd7da42e.png

STATS:
Strengtho: 4
Speedize: 3
ThrustAdjust: 2
Hardsy: 2
Intellectable: 3
ViewBetter: 1
BMI: 0

ITEMS:
NOTHING

[KitRougard]

Spoiler: STEALTH WAS AN ACCIDENT. WHY WOULD I HIDE? (click to show/hide)

NAME: Absolutus
STATS:
Strengtho: 4
Speedize: 2
ThrustAdjust: 0
Hardsy: 3
Intellectable: 0
ViewBetter: 2
BMI: 4

Purchases:
Truper MD20HC 20 lb. Sledge Hammer
$62.10
Mainstays Stainless Steel 8 Quart Stock Pot with Lid - But carefully hammered and chisled into a very nice spartan helmet... Thereby losing all normal retail value, but becoming BADASS HEAD PROTECTION.
$6.94*

"IT SEEMS MY BROTHERS ARE NOT HERE. A SHAME. A FURTHER SHAME IS THE TINGLING IN THE BACK OF MY HEAD THAT SAYS I REQUIRE ARMOR. I SEE NO REASON TO COVER MY GLORY, BUT I SHALL, FOR MY MIND COMMANDS IT."

...He says this quite loudly and clearly. Not in his head. Then Absolutus searches for functional armor to wear. After all, some of these people are pretty skilled, including with blacksmithing!

[Screech9791]

Spoiler: sheet (click to show/hide)

Name: Santa Claus
Photo: https://www.peopleofwalmart.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/05/614.jpg
Strengtho: 3
Speedize: 1
ThrustAdjust: 1
Hardsy: 3
Intellectable: 2
ViewBetter: 2
BMI: 3

Inventory:
Nothing

Total: $0

Spoiler: action (click to show/hide)

FIND A KATANA AND HIT THE NEAREST FUCKFACE (IN THEIR FUCKIGN FACE) UNTIL THE KATANA SHATTERS INTO 4825 PIECES, THEN HIT THEM WITH THE KATANA SHARDS ANYWAYS

IF I ATTACK SOMEONE AND DON'T INJURE THEM, THEN THEY WERE ON THE NICE LIST IN THE FIRST PLACE. IF THEY WERE INJURED/KILLED, THEN THEY WOULD HAVE GOTTEN COAL ANYWAYS

also this thread was fucking buried under 3495 other threads and I only just found this thread under the pile of Shit No One Cares About and also IT'S 0CRA DAMNIT

[Radio Controlled]

Big words for a marine mammal. 

[Xantalos]

Big words for a marine mammal. 

No one ever quite anticipated Stephen Hawking reincarnating as an orca whale, but he did anyway.